The Big White
By
Collin Friesen
Yellow Pages - April 29, 2004
Blue Pages - April 19, 2004
Production Pink - March 31, 2004
Production White - March 8, 2004
FADE IN:
EXT. ROAD - WINTER DAY
A police car, nothing more than a speck on the landscape, is intermittently
visible through the blowing snow.
INT. POLICE CAR - SAME
A CORPORAL (20s), behind the wheel, with a bored DETECTIVE BOYLE (60s)
at his side.
CORPORAL
So his hand is like, off, right. So he puts on a
tourniquet, puts the hand in his pocket, walks five
miles through the bush til he gets to the highway,
where he passes out, on the road, right. Then this
logging truck comes along...
DETECTIVE BOYLE
(looking ahead)
Hey.
The Corporal looks forward.
CAR'S POV: Through the windshield of a WOMAN (40s), dressed in her
pajamas and a parka, skipping down the middle of the road.
EXT. ROAD
The police car pulls to a stop, just as the woman does a pirouette and falls
over backwards.
Detective Boyle and the other Cop get out and walk over.
CORPORAL
(into his radio)
Dispatch, this is unit 611, we need a first
responsder --
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Cancel that.
The Woman kicks up a leg, wiggles her foot.
DETECTIVE BOYLE (cont'd)
I know where she belongs.
As they lift her up...
1 INT. INSIDE A TRASH DUMPSTER - LATE AFTERNOON 1
The dumpster lid opens on a bitterly cold, gray winter's day in an Alaskan city. A
chunky, shivering HAIR STYLIST with jet black bangs shakes out a box of
conditioning samples.
HAIR STYLIST
(to someone O.S.)
She says "I haven't eaten all day," then, right there on
the bus she pulls out this, like, salmon steak and
I'm...
2 INT. INSIDE A TRASH DUMPSTER - LATE AFTERNOON 2
The dumpster lid BANGS shut, reopens a beat later. A moment of calm until
two garbage bags SLAM against the inside of the lid. It falls shut with a CLANG.
3 EXT. TRASH DUMPSTER - NIGHT 3
The lid reopens. Night time now, as a street lamp BUZZES to life. A middle
aged MAN in work clothes checks to make sure he's alone. He gently lowers
the lid, opens it again a moment later, this time balancing a mini-bar fridge on
his shoulder. He dumps the appliance into the bin and runs off.
4 INT. INSIDE A TRASH DUMPSTER - NIGHT 4
The lid reopens. SIRENS off in the distance...
MEN'S VOICES (O.S.)
One, two, three... up.
The lifeless body of a fair-sized man comes CRASHING into the garbage.
SIRENS closer. A man seen only in silhouette leans in to pull some garbage
over the corpse. A second man looks in, then pulls the first man away.
MAN'S VOICE
We'll get him later. C'mon.
The lid drops.
5 EXT. TRASH DUMPSTER - MORNING 5
Black. The dumpster reopens. Morning now. A Korean-American TEENAGER
wearing an apron and headphones sings along to an old KISS tune as he
deposits two large orange garbage bags.
TEENAGER
"...Get up, everybody's gonna move their feet, get
down, everybody's gonna leave their seat...gonna
lose your mind in..."
He shuts the lid with care. Black.
6 EXT. CITY STREET - DAY 6
A cookie-cutter subdivision. Old pine trees poke through the snow cover that
blankets the neighborhood. HOWARD (30s), a burly outdoors type, is trying to
unload a new snowmobile from the back of his pickup. TED WATTERS (late
20s) half hidden under a heavy dress coat, walks down the street. He stops by
Howard's driveway.
TED
Need a hand?
HOWARD
(turning)
Yeah. Could ya grab me those two by eights?
Ted walks up the driveway, grabs the wood slats, makes a ramp by leaning
them against the rear bumper.
HOWARD (cont'd)
Thanks.
Howard maneuvers the snowmobile down the ramp, his back turned toward
Ted -- who has taken out a small cam-corder and is taping Howard.
HOWARD (cont'd)
I tell ya, it may look fast but it sure ain't light. You the
guy who just moved in to the Stevens old house?
TED
No. Name's Ted.
HOWARD
Hey Ted, I'm Howard.
TED
Hey Howard. What is that, an Arctic Cat? What do
those go for?
7 P.O.V. CAMCORDER VIEW FINDER 7
Howard finally has the snowmobile on the ground. He's breathing heavy as he
pulls off his mitt to shake hands.
HOWARD
More than I could normally afford, I'll tell ya.
(seeing the camera)
Hey! What do you think you're you doing?
As Ted and Howard continue to talk, we PULL BACK to reveal we are watching
Ted's video playing on a VCR that is --
8 INT. INSURANCE OFFICE / COMMON AREA - DAY 8
A group of office WORKERS look on, very much impressed, as a stunned
Howard stares at the camera.
TED (O.S.)
Howard, you seem like a reasonable kind of guy.
Lets you and me talk.
TIGHT ON: WATTERS at his nearby cubicle, typing frenetically on his computer.
At first, he appears to be working, until we realize that on his computer screen
pixilated Zombies die in silent anguish beneath an unholy hail of bullets. A
Miami Dolphins sticker is the sole cubicle decoration.
As the tape finishes, a smattering of APPLAUSE from his colleagues. Ted
gives a small wave over the cubicle wall.
TED (cont'd)
Thank you. Just happy to give something back to
Liberty Capital...
(to himself - bitter)
After all they've done for me.
9 INT. INSURANCE OFFICE / COMMON AREA - DAY 9
CAM (30s), Native-American Alaskan walks over. Ted immediately hits a key
that turns the screen to a spread-sheet.
CAM
That was really cool. It was like... watching "Cops".
TED
He was pretty spry for a man with a herniated disc.
CAM
You know, I don't want to bitch or anything, but you
were supposed to take me along on that one.
TED
Couldn't find you.
CAM
I know you know this, but the sooner they think I can
handle calls on my own, the sooner they'll kick you
back down south.
TED
I've been hearing that for 13 months and six days,
Cam. After a while, it gets a little old.
(off Cam's look)
Next time, okay.
Good enough. Cam moves off. Back to the zombie blood bath. The phone
RINGS. Ted picks up, his eyes never wavering from the gore intensive
computer game.
TED (cont'd)
Claims, Ted Watters. Sure.
A final key stroke separates one last zombie from its entrails.
10 INT. INSURANCE OFFICE / BRANCH'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 10
TIGHT ON: A MOUNTED SALMON
We PULL BACK to see the walls lined with souvenirs of a life spent on the
edge of the wilderness; citations from the Rotarians, pictures of sponsored
hockey teams... We are --
FRANK BRANCH (50s), a mid-level management type sits across from PAUL
BARNELL (40s), a mild-mannered everyman wrapped in a cheap suit. Paul
takes in the display. The two men sit in silence, smiling politely at one another.
PAUL
That's... quite the fish.
Branch is about to answer when Ted enters with a slim file.
BRANCH
Paul Barnell, Ted Watters.
Handshakes. Paul makes steady eye contact. Ted notices.
BRANCH (cont'd)
Mr. Barnell wants to talk to us about his brother's life
insurance policy.
Ted sits and flips open the file.
TED
Raymond, isn't it?
PAUL
Yes, Raymond. You see, as I've already explained to
Mr. Branch, he's been gone for five years now, and I
thought it might be time to... move on.
TED
By move on you mean...?
BRANCH
...cash in Raymond's policy.
Ted smiles to himself.
PAUL
I just thought, well, it's pretty unlikely he's still alive.
My Dad always wanted us to be able to look after
each other if anything should ever happen. And to
be frank, money's a little --
TED
I understand Mr. Barnell, but here's the thing. With no
actual body, under Alaskan statutes a person must
be missing for seven years before he or she can be
legally declared dead and that's not withstanding an
investigation period where concerned parties can
take up to another year to file interventions
concerning the motion. So, even though your
brother's status is undetermined at this point, there's
really very little we can do for you.
Ted flips the file shut. Case closed. Branch, not entirely happy with Ted's
demeanor, forces a smile.
BRANCH
Of course we are extremely sorry for your loss.
Branch looks at Ted. Ted turns to Paul.
TED
Oh, absolutely.
11 EXT. STRIP MALL - NIGHT 11
The city skyline rises in the distance as heat vents belch steam against the
rapidly setting sun. But that's miles away. Here on the outskirts is a rapidly
failing five store strip mall; a "Porn-a-copia" XXX Video store, hair stylist,
small engine repair shop, fish and chips joint and the "Barnell Great Escapes"
travel agency. We might notice a big trash dumpster in the corner. Paul's car,
a Ford Taurus, pulls onto the parking pad.
12 INT. PAUL'S CAR - CONTINUOUS 12
Paul driving, talking on his cell phone and balancing a big non-spill metallic
travel coffee mug at the same time.
PAUL
Hang on, hang on. First off, how did you get my cell
number? (Beat) Because it's for mechanical and
medical emergencies only.
Paul, wound up, taps his brakes too hard. His mug falls, the lid pops and the
coffee proceeds to soak a stack of papers.
PAUL (cont'd)
Great.
(back into phone)
No, I'm not... I just... give me a second here.
Paul parks his car, gathers the soggy papers and gets out.
13 EXT. STRIP MALL 13
Paul, still on the phone, carries the papers to the dumpster.
PAUL
Yes, and that check went out a week ago. I watched
my secretary write it up.
14 EXT. INSIDE THE DUMPSTER 14
Black. Paul opens the lid. The phone is cradled in his neck, he checks each
soggy page to make sure he's not tossing anything important.
PAUL
Well I don't know. I, I, I have no clue. Could it
possibly be a problem on your end? So the electric
company never makes a... Look, I pay my bills. I'm a
Rotarian for goodness --
Paul looks over to see some MEN from Rodney's Repo Ranch walking up to
the front door of his office. Distracted for a moment, the phone slips and falls
into the trash.
Paul, muttering, leans in to get it. He pushes aside an orange garbage bag,
guided by the faint sound of the other person STILL TALKING. And then--
PAUL'S POV: of THE BODY-- a 40-ish White (well, a little blue) male dressed in
a cheap suit. Paul's phone lies across the corpse's mouth, like the dead guy is
talking.
THE CELL PHONE
Mr. Barnell? Mr. Barnell?
15 EXT. PARKING AREA / STRIP MALL 15
A SHOUT as Paul jumps back from the dumpster. The lid CRASHES down as
he scrambles/slides away. He takes a moment to compose himself, then
realizes his phone is still in there.
He opens the dumpster lid and very quickly reaches in, grabs his cell and
hurries off. The lid CRASHES shut.
PAUL
(into the phone)
Hello?
Hung up. Paul dials 911, looks back at the dumpster, thinks for a second, then
hits END. He stands there, thinking.
A15 INT. "BARNELL GREAT ESCAPES TRAVEL" - LATER A15
Paul back in his office, staring out the window with a perfect view of the
dumpster. He can't take his eyes off it.
Behind him, the Repo-Men are picking up a newish computer monitor and
walking toward the door. He's oblivious.
At the sound of a TRUCK, his head snaps around. It's a garbage truck, but
instead of heading to the dumpster, it rumbles past on the road. That's all it
takes.
B15 EXT. PARKING AREA / STRIP MALL - MOMENTS LATER B15
Paul backs his Ford Taurus up to the dumpster, pops the trunk, checks to
make sure he's alone then steps up on the rear bumper, opens the lid and
clambers inside.
16 INT. INSIDE A FRIDGE - LATER 16
Black. The fridge door opens, the light revealing several cans of pop and beer
in the foreground. Behind the
beverages, a garage where Paul struggles with the lifeless body. He props the
man against the hood of his car, gives him a quick once over, pockets, obvious
wounds. Nothing.
Paul moves to the fridge, starts to pull things out.
17 INT. ATTACHED SUBURBAN GARAGE - CONTINUOUS 17
Jodie, an annoyingly small dog, enters the garage from the house and starts
sniffing around the body. A new chew toy!
PAUL
(at the sound)
Jodie, no! Not for dogs!
He SHOOS the dog back into the house. Paul moves back to the fridge, opens
the door and, with great effort picks up the dead man and tries to stuff him
inside. Only problem...
The man's legs don't want to fit. Paul leans down and grabs an uncooperative
appendage. He grits his teeth, looks away as he kicks at the knee. It SNAPS
sideways.
Paul fights nausea. But with the leg now out of joint, the man fits. Paul,
breathing heavy, leans against the door.
PAUL (cont'd)
OK then. OK.
He packs in the remaining space with beer and pop bottles. Then, just before
he shuts the door, Paul reaches in and sets the fridge temperature from 1 to 9
(the coldest setting).
A padlock and chain come from the base of a propane BBQ. It goes around the
fridge, the lock SNAPS it in place. Paul spots some leftover drink cans. He
kicks them to the corner and walks into the house, trying to sound casual.
PAUL (cont'd)
Hey Honey. Any mail?
18 EXT. CITY ROADWAY - EVENING 18
Ted drives home through a wooded section of town.
A18 INT. TED'S CAR - CONTINUOUS A18
Ted checks out various radio stations, hating everything. He lands on one
playing "Escape (The piña Colada Song)" when he looks up and suddenly
jams on the brakes.
B18 EXT. ROADWAY B18
Ted car slides toward a moose that has wandered into the middle of the road.
The car stops about five feet away.
The moose looks at Ted. Ted looks back, wondering what he ever did to
deserve the life he's stuck with. After a moment, the moose lumbers off. Ted
drives on.
CUT TO:
C18 INT TED'S APARTMENT - NIGHT C18
TIGHT ON: A COMPUTER SCREEN where swirling signs of the Zodiac act as a
screen saver. PULL BACK TO REVEAL we are --
A telephone cord runs from the computer to the headset of TIFFANY (20s), pert,
smart and dressed in a tight University of Alaska T-shirt. Tiffany sits with her
feet up on the desk as she flips through a copy of "Cosmo".
It's a medium sized apartment, littered with guy stuff although bowing to
advancing signs of feminine influence.
The phone RINGS. Tiffany hits the space bar. The caller's number flashes on
screen. By the second ring, an electronic timer kicks in and a complete file on
the caller appears with name, address, background, pets... She smiles, hits
"enter."
TIFFANY
(into her headset)
Psychic Pals. How are you today... Mr. Williams?
(pause - she listens)
Well, we are all registered psychics here. I just had
a feeling you'd be calling. What's up?
A KEY IN THE DOOR. A tired Ted walks inside.
TED
Hey Tiff.
Tiffany looks up, then holds up a file folder with the words "WORKING -
SHHHHHH!" in big black letters.
TIFFANY
(to caller)
Your TV remote control? Okay.
Ted SIGHS, gives her a quick peck on the cheek as he wrestles off his winter
gear and heads to the kitchen.
TIFFANY (cont'd)
I need you to clear your mind...
Ted looks into the fridge, making up new words to the song "Escape."
TED
"If you like frozen enchiladas, getting caught in the
rain. If you're not into...something brownish."
Ted pulls out some Tupperware, tries to figure out what's in it. Tiffany, still
wearing her headset, appears behind him, grabs a Diet Coke from the fridge
and kisses him on the cheek.
TIFFANY
It's stew. I'm not sure it's still good.
TED
Aren't you with a customer?
TIFFANY
They're concentrating.
Ted grabs a fork, takes the pot and sits at the table. Tiffany goes back to her
desk and flips through her magazine.
TED
(through a mouthful of food)
So? How's the tea leaf business today?
TIFFANY
I've decided from now on to ignore you when you're
ignorant about my work. And it's going very well
thank you.
(reconnecting to the caller)
Mr. Williams, I'm seeing sofa cushions. Do you have
a sofa? Good. Glad I could help.
TED
You here from that software distributor guy?
TIFFANY
No, but I did crack that code problem. You know how
sometimes when you're running Beta versions you --
TED
English, please.
TIFFANY
There was a boo-boo, but I fixed it.
(another call comes in)
Psychic Pals, how are you today, Carol? Now I
thought we'd agreed God is everywhere, but not
specifically in your coffee pot.
TED
Jeez, Tiff.
TIFFANY
Jeez, Ted. Do I tell you how to do your job?
TED
(kidding... kind of)
No, but then again I'm not a computer aided pseudo
psychic, so if you're looking for moral equivalence...
TIFFANY
Before you say anything else that may keep us from
having sex ever again, let me ask you something...
She picks up her magazine.
TED
Tiff, please. I always get these wrong.
TIFFANY
That's why we keep trying. Now, Love is Sacrifice
test.
(reading)
If you were in a life raft with me and there was only
enough water --
TED
Don't you have a customer?
TIFFANY
(to the caller)
Carol? God says he's busy with a famine right now,
but you should keep praying. Cool.
She hangs up. Turns back to Ted, about to pick up where she left off...
TED
No. I'm not doing it.
TIFFANY
It's just a stupid quiz.
TED
Exactly.
The PHONE RINGS. Tiffany bolts to her desk, sits, spins in her chair as she
answers the call.
TIFFANY
Psychic Pals. Is this the first time you've called us
Mrs...?
Tiffany at her computer, enters the name "Margaret Barnell" into her database.
Tiffany works a "mute" button as she points back to the magazine.
TIFFANY (cont'd)
But stupid quizzes can be illustrative of potential
relationship problems.
(to her caller)
Margaret, I'm getting the feeling this is an anxious
day for you.
Ted, cooking pot in hand, walks over to her desk.
TED
Our only relationship problem is you're running a
$1.99 a minute carny scam out of my living room.
TIFFANY
Don't call it a scam.
(to the caller - startled)
Excuse me?
TED
What?
TIFFANY
You've got to learn to channel that rage, Margaret.
(to Ted - playful)
You didn't just call this your living room, did you?
TED
I meant ours. Ours, ours, ours.
Tiffany returns to her call, but keeps looking at Ted.
TIFFANY
I feel someone you really care about, maybe even
the love of your life, is being a real pain. Now I need
you to concentrate...
Ted pretends to do just that, drawing a giggle from Tiffany before he walks off.
22 INT. "BARNELL GREAT ESCAPES TRAVEL" - MORNING 22
Paul tries to open the front door, but finds it blocked by a small pile of snow.
Three good yanks and it finally opens. He enters the shop.
Faded travel posters cover the walls. AVIS (40s), a career office gal, smiles at
her boss as she assembles a life-size stand-up cardboard display for Aloha
Airlines. It features a
dark Hawaiian beauty holding a softball sized sea shell. The shell juts out of
the display giving it a 3-D quality.
AVIS
Morning Mr. Barnell. Coffee?
PAUL
Thanks Avis. Looks good.
Paul, shivering, hangs up his coat as Avis picks up a promotional Aloha Air
surfboard (the old display) and walks it to the back.
PAUL (cont'd)
Was November this bad last year?
AVIS (O.S.)
Well if we didn't have the weather what would we talk
about? Did you send the computer back?
Paul moves to his desk.
PAUL
Yeah, it was not working. Any calls?
AVIS (O.S.)
Just that fellow from Municipal Power and Electric. I
told him you sent the check in weeks ago, but some
people don't like to listen.
Paul turns to look at the snow covered empty parking lot, then at a photo of his
wife Margaret on his desk. He mentally gathers himself.
PAUL
Something... strange happened last night Avis.
AVIS (O.S.)
What was that?
PAUL
Did... you ever meet my brother Raymond?
AVIS (O.S.)
The one who went missing?
PAUL
Uh huh. Well anyway last night there's a knock on
the door and there's Raymond, just... standing there
on the doorstep.
Avis arrives with the coffee and the mail.
AVIS
Didn't you have him declared...?
PAUL
Dead? No. I mean, they said he hadn't been gone
long enough.
AVIS
(smiling warmly)
Good thing in hindsight.
Paul puts the mail down on the desk and start to flip through it. Lots of bills,
most marked past due. He finds a "pre- approved" credit card application, sets
it to one side.
AVIS (cont'd)
So where was he all these years?
PAUL
Lower 48. Said he wanted to get away from the cold.
AVIS
Where 'bouts?
PAUL
(looking up)
Sorry, what was that?
AVIS
Where was he living?
Paul, a flash of panic, looks over at the Hawaii display. He keys on the shell.
PAUL
Florida.
AVIS
I've got an aunt down there. Where 'bouts?
PAUL
(blanking)
A uh... small place. By the beach.
AVIS
Well that's great. You and Mrs. Barnell will have
some company for a bit I guess. How is she?
PAUL
Better, a little better. Some days are better than
others.
23 INT. BARNELL HOME - DAY 23
MARGARET BARNELL (early 40s) stands in a plush bathrobe and slippers.
Despite her casual attire she is immaculately made up as she walks to the
front door, opening it on -- a young wholesome PAPERBOY smiling through the
cold.
PAPERBOY
Collecting, Mrs. Barnell.
MARGARET
Daniel, you pussy little cocksucker. I'll get my purse.
The paperboy, unfazed, smiles as Margaret walks off.
PAPERBOY
It's 12 dollars. I missed you last time.
MARGARET (O.S.)
Jerk off... OK, jerk off, uhhuh...
Margaret gives the paperboy his money, the stamp card plus a dollar tip, then
tweaks his nose. Twice.
MARGARET (cont'd)
You say hi to your slut Mom for me?
PAPERBOY
Sure will. Thanks.
He trots down the walk as Margaret shuts the door.
24 EXT. INSIDE A TRASH DUMPSTER - NIGHT 24
The lid opens. GARY and JIMBO (30s), check to insure they're not being
watched. Gary, slightly effeminate, leans into the bin and BURROWS through
the garbage. Jimbo, a bear of man, keeps watch. He's nervous, a little out of
sorts.
GARY
I thought stuff didn't smell when it was frozen? I
don't know why we have to--
JIMBO
Dave wants visual confirmation, he gets visual
confirmation. We have a chance to move up here,
so let's just--
GARY
Like the guy's not gonna end up in a land- fill,
anyway. You ever ask Dave what he did?
JIMBO
Whatever it was, he told him if he did it again, he'd
snap his neck.
GARY
(smiling)
Whoops, he did it again.
(off Jimbo not getting it)
The song? From that girl?
No response. Gary, HUMMING now, keeps digging, finding nothing.
GARY (cont'd)
So how'd it feel? I mean, not when you did it, but,
like now?
JIMBO
I don't want to talk about it.
Gary hops inside as his actions become more frantic. Still no luck. He stands.
GARY
Not here.
Jimbo glares at his partner.
GARY (cont'd)
Serious. He's gone. Maybe he wasn't...
JIMBO
Don't even joke. Maybe the trash was emptied.
GARY
Looks pretty full. Hey...
(ducking down)
There's a little fridge down here.
(standing)
If we would have shot him at least we'd know for
sure.
JIMBO
I was following orders. And if you hadn't started a
screaming match, no one would have called the
cops and we wouldn't have had to dump his --
GARY
Fine. Sorry.
JIMBO
Fine.
GARY
I'm just saying... maybe you didn't break it all the way.
JIMBO
(walking away)
It was broken.
GARY
I'm just saying... maybe it was like hypothermia and
he just looked dead.
JIMBO
It - was - BROKEN!
Gary, embarrassed, digs in the trash with his feet.
25 INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS 25
Margaret, still in her bathrobe, walks to the fridge. As she puts her hand on the
latch, she notices the pile of pop cans on the floor.
She tugs on the door. It opens just a crack before the chain stops it. The
frozen head peeks through the slight gap.
Margaret SIGHS, tries to push the fridge door closed, but the body is in the way.
She gives the door a hip check. The door latches shut while something frozen
and brittle inside CRACKS. Margaret, oblivious, walks away.
26 INT. KITCHEN OVEN 26
A chicken sits in a pan, the rest of the room visible behind it through the oven
door window.
MARGARET (O.S.)
Paul? Why is the fridge in the garage chained shut?
PAUL
How's my Angel tonight?
MARGARET
Blow me. Dinner's almost ready. You feel like some
wine? I feel like some wine.
Paul walks to the oven, opens the door and pats the chicken. Stone cold.
PAUL
Sweetie, here's a crazy thought... I don't feel like
chicken tonight, why don't we order in?
MARGARET
Fuck it, okay.
PAUL
There's actually something we need to talk about.
It's about Raymond. He's back.
Paul smiles bravely as he shuts the oven door. Behind the chicken, Margaret
doesn't look happy as Paul starts to explain. She rushes from the room.
27/28 TIGHT ON: TV SCREEN 27/28
Home video of RAYMOND (then early 30s), fat, physically imposing and the only
person not in festive tropical gear, standing in a VFW hall decorated in a
Caribbean theme. (He is definitely not the same person Paul has cooling in the
fridge.) A large banner behind him proclaims "HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY -
BON VOYAGE."
RAYMOND
(a little drunk)
Okay, I never thought it would last this long, but
seeing as how it has... There ya go. Let me just say
that my brother, old "Puddles McBarnesy" did better
than he should have.
A younger, somewhat tipsy Paul comes into frame, puts an arm around his
brother and smiles.
PAUL
What'cha saying there Raymond? Wha'cha saying
'bout me?
Raymond shakes his brother's arm off his shoulder.
RAYMOND
Enough, OK?
PAUL
(sing-songy)
Ray's a little jeallllllllous. This is the one that got
away, right Ray?
The crowd LAUGHS as Paul reaches over and musses up his brother's hair.
Raymond, furious, grabs his brother by the lapels and throws him roughly to
the floor. The laughter stops.
MARGARET (O.S.)
Leave him alone, ball licker!
RAYMOND
And shut that thing --
The screen turns to snow. We are...
Paul at his desk, watching the video on a small TV in the wall unit. He turns his
attention to a large cardboard box filled with documents, souvenirs, old report
cards...
On the TV playing behind him (the second part of the tape), Margaret is pictured
on a cruise ship, sunning herself. Paul, obviously behind the camera, watches
as Margaret takes a tropical drink from a WAITER'S tray, who promptly dumps it
all over her. But instead of the expected burst of profanity, Margaret just
LAUGHS.
MARGARET
That's okay, don't worry about it.
(as the waiter walks off)
I'd like the next one in a cup, please.
Paul puts aside a faded hotel postcard from Hawaii and digs out an insurance
policy out of the box. On the last page is a list of the payouts. Loss of a limb:
$100,000. Loss of thumb: $5,000. Accidental death: $1,000,000.
And, as an extra bonus, Raymond's birth certificate. Perfect. Paul takes out the
credit card application from work, and starts to write...
PAUL
(to himself)
Raymond... Barnell.
29 EXT. TOBOGGANING HILL - LATE AFTERNOON 29
LAUGHING children on toboggans, inner tubes and discarded cardboard
boxes slide down a snow covered hill against a slate gray sky. It's an isolated
area on the outskirts of the city.
30 INT. GARY AND JIMBO'S CAR - CONTINUOUS 30
Gary and Jimbo sit in their car in the parking area.
JIMBO
Which one's your sister's kid?
GARY
See the one on the little bike-thing? Him.
JIMBO
(hesitant)
You been alright with this?
GARY
The thing with the guy? Ya know, I thought it might
kinda mess me up...
JIMBO
First time for both of us.
GARY
...but I've been sleeping really well.
JIMBO
Yeah. 'Course, you didn't actually...
Jimbo mimics snapping someone's neck. It's clearly not a gesture he enjoys.
As Gary looks at him, a Cadillac pulls up beside them. Behind the wheel is
DAVE (50s) well dressed, in a thuggish kinda way. Jimbo and Gary share a
nervous look.
31 EXT. TOP OF THE HILL - CONTINUOUS 31
About 50 yards away from the two cars, Gary's NEPHEW is having his
Snowrider (a tricycle with skis instead of wheels) hijacked by a playground
BULLY in a red parka. A tug o' war for the toy ensues as Gary and Jimbo get
out of their car.
NEPHEW
Leggo... it's mine. Uncle Gary!
32 EXT. PARKING AREA 32
Gary and Jimbo are leaning close to the Cadillac's open window. Dave does
not look happy.
DAVE
(to Jimbo)
Wait a minute. He's disappeared?
Gary waves to his nephew.
GARY
(shouting)
You just... hang in there, Billy!
JIMBO
Yeah. But he's dead. I mean, that part, no question.
DAVE
Yeah? Take off your coat. And your shirt, too.
Jimbo knows better than to argue. He strips down, exposing his corpulent
middle-aged belly to the chilly winter winds.
JIMBO
I'm not wearing a wire, Dave, if that's what this is
about.
GARY
It was our first time. No one gets it perfect their first
time.
DAVE
You too, Sweetie.
Gary is about to comply when the sound of a FIGHT on the tobogganing hill
causes them all to look over, just in time to see GARY'S NEPHEW shoved to
ground. The Bully LAUGHS as he slides away.
GARY
Excuse me for a second.
Gary trots toward the hill. Jimbo can't believe it.
JIMBO
Gary! We're in the middle of something.
GARY
(calling back)
Hey, I'm supposed to be looking after him.
Jimbo turns back to Dave, shrugging sheepishly.
DAVE
Is he...?
JIMBO
He's fine. Look, we can take you there right now.
We'll show you.
Behind them on the hill, Gary tries to retrieve his nephew's Snowrider from the
Bully. He is failing.
DAVE
Show me what? An empty trash dumpster? It was
supposed to look like an accident. I was hoping to
see it in the paper. So help me, if this guy pops up
somewhere...
While Jimbo does his best to stay warm, behind him on the hill, Gary can only
watch as the Bully slides away.
BULLY
(echoing in the cold)
Fag! Big homo!
JIMBO
He won't. He can't. He's --
DAVE
Proof, Jimbo. I like to know my money's well spent.
You got a week.
Dave drives off as Gary walks over with his SNIFFLING nephew.
GARY
Slippery little sucker. You mind if we stop at a toy
store on the way back?
33 OMITTED 33
A 33 INT. BARNELL HOME / BEDROOM - NIGHT A 33
HIGH ANGLE ON: Paul and Margaret in bed. Margaret takes up more than her
share of the bed, her arm tossed over her husband. Paul, on his third of the
bed, looks as if he's lying in state. But Paul's not sleeping.
34 EXT. BARNELL HOME - MORNING 34
A newspaper clears the "For Sale - price reduced!" sign on the front lawn and
lands with a THUD on the steps.
35 INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS 35
Paul has the "Morning News" on the hood of his car. He looks over at the
fridge, still padlocked.
PAUL
(to himself)
Let's see if anyone's missing you.
He flips through each section. There's nothing. Paul walks to the fridge.
PAUL (cont'd)
(to the corpse)
I don't know what kind of man let's himself just
freeze to death in the trash, but I was never one to
preach. Way I see it, you've probably got family
somewhere and they'd probably appreciate seeing
you get a decent funeral, even if it's not really... yours.
Paul, somewhat befuddled, gently pats the fridge door.
36 OMITTED 36
37 INT. BARNELL HOME / LIVING ROOM - LATER 37
Margaret pushes the vacuum across the floor, humming to herself. Paul walks
by slipping into his coat. He notices that the vacuum isn't plugged in. Without
missing a beat, he walks over and plugs it into the outlet. The VACUUM
ROARS TO LIFE. Margaret doesn't flinch. Paul heads out the door.
38 OMITTED 38
39 OMITTED 39
40 EXT. WOODED AREA - LATER 40
A ways out in the forest. Only two houses on this turn-out; a cozy looking lived
in cabin sits up the road from a seemingly deserted rundown mobile home. A
car pulls up.
A40 INT. PAUL'S CAR - CONTINUOUS A40
Paul adjusts a pillow he has taped to his stomach, then pulls on a blue ski
mask.
41 EXT. BARNELL MOBILE HOME - MOMENTS LATER 41
Paul undoes the bungee cord and drags his snowblower out of the trunk. He
fires up the snowblower and starts to plow the drive way of both houses.
MRS. WHERRY (80s), in her bathrobe, looks out the window of the cozy cabin.
A tad confused, she waves to the man in the blue parka. The blue parka waves
back.
42 INT. PAUL'S KITCHEN - NIGHT 42
Paul walks in from the garage, pulling off his blue parka. Margaret enters from
the living room. (Paul still has the pillow taped to his front, which Margaret
happily pokes with a finger but never mentions.)
MARGARET
(nervous)
He's not here, is he?
PAUL
Sweetie, don't you worry about Raymond.
MARGARET
When he's around, it just brings back... Fuck.
PAUL
I know. He, he said he's probably gonna head back
down South soon.
Margaret smiles, relieved. The phone RINGS. Paul picks up.
43 INT. MRS. WHERRY'S HOME - CONTINUOUS 43
Mrs. Wherry talks on the phone in her kitchen. The head of a large antelope is
mounted on the wall behind her.
MRS. WHERRY
Paul? Thank you so much for clearing the drive way.
That was most considerate.
PAUL
I'm afraid I don't understand Mrs. Wherry.
MRS. WHERRY
You were out at the cabin this morning. Nice to see
you getting some use out of that thing.
44 INT. PAUL'S KITCHEN 44
Paul shakes off his boots.
PAUL
Oh I see. No, you see that must have been
Raymond. (beat) Very much so. No, no one was
more surprised than we were. (beat) No, he's...
indisposed right now, but I'm sure you'll see him
again. He's going to stay at the cabin for a while
until he... leaves. And bless you too.
45 OMITTED 45
46 OMITTED 46
47 EXT. WILDERNESS ROAD - NIGHT 47
A "Moose Xing" sign is briefly illuminated by Paul's car's headlights as it heads
up a snow packed mountain road. The distant lights of the city are swallowed
by the thick forests of fir trees that line the road.
48 INT. PAUL'S CAR - CONTINUOUS 48
Paul, nervous, sings along to "Escape" on the radio.
PAUL
"...It was my own lovely lady, and she said, oh it's
you..."
A48 EXT. WILDERNESS ROAD / TURNOUT - NIGHT A48
Paul pulls off. Kills his headlights. Pops the trunk.
49 EXT. FOREST - LATER 49
The corpse, now in Raymond's clothing and the blue parka, lies face up on the
Aloha Airlines promotional surfboard being lurched forward by Paul, who wears
a pair of snowshoes. On the body's chest lies a second pair of snowshoes.
Somewhere, a WOLF HOWLS.
50 EXT. TOP/BOTTOM OF A RIDGE - LATER 50
Paul at the top of a 25 foot drop. He rolls the corpse, now wearing the other set
of snowshoes, over the side. It BOUNCES down, landing in the snow with a
soft WHUMPH!
51 OMITTED 51
52 INT. PAUL'S HOME / KITCHEN - DAWN 52
Paul sits in a seeming stupor at the kitchen table. A DING from the microwave
snaps him out of his catatonic state. He walks to the appliance, takes out his
now re-heated coffee, checks his watch and heads out.
53 EXT. TOP OF THE RIDGE / FOREST - MORNING 53
Paul, wearing snowshoes and carrying the surfboard, peeks over the edge.
PAUL'S POV: down at the corpse, exactly as it was last night.
PAUL
Well come on! How much easier do I have to make
this?
His words echo in the cold wilderness.
54 INT. PAUL'S KITCHEN - DAY 54
Jodie the dog is in a complete frenzy, jumping up and down at the feet of Paul
who stands over a SIZZLING frying pan full of bacon. He checks the bacon's
consistency with a fork. Still pretty raw. He takes the bacon and lays it on a
plate.
Beside the pan on the counter sit a baseball cap and a stapler. Paul carefully
takes each strip of bacon and staples it to the peak of the ball cap. He holds it
up. The bacon hangs down like fringe.
Margaret appears in the doorway.
MARGARET
Paul?
PAUL
(startled)
Holy-- Margaret, you scared the wits out of me.
Margaret lifts up Jodie, who's desperately trying to get at the hat.
MARGARET
She just wants that bacon.
PAUL
Such a little puppy. How late is "Rudys" open?
55 EXT. SHOPPING CENTER / RUDYS MARKET - LATE AFTERNOON 55
A large sign outside advertises "Fresh Moose Meat". Paul runs out with a
shopping bag, jumps in his car and drives off.
56 EXT. BOTTOM OF THE RIDGE - SUNSET 56
Paul, carrying the shopping bag, he painfully picks his way down the rock face
toward the corpse.
PAUL
(really bad British accent)
You may want to take a gander. You may want to
take a gander...
CUT TO:
57 EXT. BOTTOM OF THE RIDGE - SUNSET 57
THE BACON HAT -- as Paul pulls it snug on the corpse's head. He pulls the
bloody steaks from the shopping bag and starts to smear them on the corpse's
parka. Drops of blood hit the snow at the body's feet and disappear.
Paul drapes the steaks on the body, tucking one under an arm, the other
hanging from a pocket. He pauses for moment, then pulls out a container of
lard and, fighting his own revulsion, smears it across the dead man's face.
PAUL
Sorry about this part.
Paul pats the body on the shoulder, then looks up at the ridge and the long
journey ahead.
58 EXT. BOTTOM OF RIDGE - NIGHT 58
A WOLF appears in the moonlight. Followed by another, and another. They
approach the corpse...
59 EXT. HIGHWAY TURNOUT / CLEARING - DAY 59
Snowmobiles SCREAM to the site as people tramp through the thick snow,
covering all of Paul's hard work. An ambulance and State Conservation
vehicles pack the area where Paul first pulled off. Yellow police tape is strung
between fir trees marking a path toward the ridge.
60 EXT. BOTTOM OF RIDGE - DAY 60
The corpse is covered with a tarp. The area is littered with blood, animal tracks
and bits of blue parka. POLICE OFFICERS and tough looking LOCAL
SNOWMOBILERS mill about the corpse, taking turns lifting the tarp that covers
the body. A few yards away, DETECTIVE BOYLE (60s) talks to a seemingly
distraught Paul.
DETECTIVE BOYLE
(looking at the ridge)
If it's any comfort to you, he likely wasn't eaten while
conscious. Did he say where he'd been living,
before he came home?
PAUL
Florida. He didn't really talk about it much. He
brought us this shell.
Paul holds up a sea shell, obviously from the display at his office. Tears well
up in his eyes.
PAUL (cont'd)
It's really all we have left. He'd been gone for five
years. We'd given him up--
DETECTIVE BOYLE
--for dead, yes sir.
PAUL
How did you...?
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Anonymous phone tip from some Jamaican guy.
(Paul shows no reaction)
Said he saw what looked like a body. We tracked
you through his ID.
PAUL
Just like on TV.
Boyle nods sympathetically
PAUL (cont'd)
I've got to see him. Please.
Paul starts to make his way to the body. Boyle stops him.
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Mr. Barnell, I should warn you, an animal attack isn't
pretty. There's not much left.
Paul nods. They make their way over to the tarp. Boyle pulls it back.
DETECTIVE BOYLE (cont'd)
Is that your brother, sir?
Paul leans in-- the man's face is hamburger. Paul nods.
PAUL
They chewed his ears off. What kind of animal does
something like that?
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Normally I'd say bear, but these tracks and the
feeding pattern indicate wolf. It's rare, but it can
happen.
Boyle pulls the cover back over the body. Boyle hands Barnell a clear baggie
with the dead man's wallet inside.
DETECTIVE BOYLE (cont'd)
Your brother's personal effects. We've got some
people with the victim's assistance program who
can help you through this. Marcie?
Marcie, a female police officer, walks a distraught Paul away. As they go,
another FEMALE COP approaches.
FEMALE COP
Coroner found some smaller bite marks on the
ankle.
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Pups. Must have been the whole freakin' pack.
FEMALE COP
You want an autopsy?
DETECTIVE BOYLE
On what?
FEMALE COP
Derek found this.
She holds up a clear evidence bag with the remnants of a strip of bacon on the
inside.
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Not the smartest snack for a hiker.
FEMALE COP
Messy animals aren't they?
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Messy. Messy messy messy messy.
61 INT. INFLATABLE GOLF DOME - LATE AFTERNOON 61
The second level of a large indoor driving range/mini golf course. The sound of
clubs SMACKING golf balls echo as an intense Ted "waggles" before his shot.
On his back-swing, Tiffany throws her arms around him from behind.
TED
I take it you're done?
TIFFANY
Yup.
TED
Wanna hit some of mine?
TIFFANY
(hugging him harder)
Nope.
He turns, LAUGHING. They kiss as she playfully starts to grope him.
TED
Now this is definitely a violation of Golf Dome policy.
TIFFANY
Must be all this talk about using your wood.
TED
Woods. So maybe later I can... check your grip?
TIFFANY
Secret?
TED
My dirty talk sucks?
TIFFANY
I like it when you try, though.
Tiffany gives him a peck and flits back to a nearby chair. He hits one, skying it
into a low hanging light.
TED
You know in some states they actually do this
outside?
Tiffany looks over at one of the tacky tropically-theme'd mini-golf holes.
TIFFANY
So how many insurance companies are there in the
United States? Like, a billion.
TED
That's not the point, Tiff. I've busted my ass for
Liberty Capital. I don't want to quit. I deserve to be
promoted out of this ice bound backwater.
TIFFANY
And when it happens, I guess I'll just be another
notch on your briefcase.
TED
I can't believe you said that. You know you are...
He looks around. Embarrassed, he lowers his voice.
TED (cont'd)
...the most important thing in my life.
TIFFANY
(smiling/shouting)
Sorry, what was that! You want to take me right
here?
As other GOLFERS look over, Tiffany and Ted share a warm smile, the moment
only broken by the ringing of a CELL PHONE. She SIGHS, unzips Ted's gym
bag and answers his phone.
TIFFANY (cont'd)
Psychic... Uhm, sorry, hello? Yeah. Look, is this a
matter of life and death, because right now he's...
Suddenly concerned, she hands the phone to Ted.
TED
Hello? (beat) You're kidding me.
(almost stunned)
Yeah, I'll hold.
TIFFANY
Your Mom?
TED
Million dollar life policy just checked.
TIFFANY
On a Saturday? What about the first annual golf, sex
and pizza triathlon?
TED
Look, if this is... who I think it is, I may have found us
a ticket out of here.
TIFFANY
We don't need a ticket.
Tiffany stands, knowing it's no use arguing, she pulls on her coat. Ted tries to
give her a hug. She falls into his embrace, but doesn't hug him back.
TIFFANY (cont'd)
Don't be late, OK?
TED
You won't even know I'm gone.
CORPSE'S POV: Black. The drawer is pulled open. We are...
62 INT. CITY MORGUE (BODY TRAY) 62
Ted, Cam and Detective Boyle stand at the end near the feet. A white sheet
covers most of the deceased.
DETECTIVE BOYLE
That's him. Raymond Barnell.
TED
Could you?
Boyle moves toward the head and pulls back the covering. Ted recoils. Cam
leans in for a closer look.
CAM
Ouch. That's gotta hurt.
TED
So what's your line on this?
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Just what it looks like. Wolves got him. Maybe a
grizzly with insomnia, but we didn't find any tracks.
TED
Would it surprise you to learn his brother tried to
cash in his policy two weeks ago?
DETECTIVE BOYLE
You trying to tell me Mr. Barnell chewed off his
brother's leg?
TED
Doesn't that make you the least bit suspicious?
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Mr. Watters, this is a nice simple ending. We like
nice simple endings.
TED
But shouldn't you--
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Ya know, I don't know thing one about insurance, but
I'm guessing it's your job
to find a way not to pay these poor people.
CAM
Hey now, we're just like you guys, gotta run down
whatever leads we can find.
Ted walks down to the head of the victim, pulls out a camcorder and starts to
tape the body.
TED
Detective, we're an insurance company, not the
Salvation Army.
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Mind telling me what you're doing?
CAM
They gave every claims team a video camera last
quarter... you'd be amazed at how it cuts down on
litigation. We had this case two months ago where
this mother of six was claiming...
DETECTIVE BOYLE
I've got my own war stories, thanks. You mind
stopping that?
TED
Just doing --
DETECTIVE BOYLE
Your job? Yes, I caught that.
As Ted gets his last shot, Boyle covers the body back up and slides the drawer
shut with a loud CLANG. Black.
63 EXT. PAUL'S HOUSE - SUNSET 63
TV NEWS CAMERA POV: Of Paul, standing on his stoop, as he's interviewed by
a well made-up female TV REPORTER (20s) dressed for the cold.
TV REPORTER
You ready Mr. Barnell?
PAUL
Yes.
The camera man flicks on his light as Paul squints.
TV REPORTER
The police told us what happened, how are you folks
holding up?
MARGARET (O.S.)
Paul? Who's out there?
Paul reaches back, and, as discretely as possible, grabs the door handle to
keep Margaret from opening it.
PAUL
Obviously, my wife's very upset...
MARGARET (O.S.)
Paul, the door's stuck!
Margaret starts to HAMMER rhythmically on the door.
PAUL
(ignoring her)
It's been a tough, you know, when something like
this happens you just have to ask yourself...
MARGARET (O.S.)
Who fucked with the fucking door!
PAUL
You can see how stressful it's been, I should really
go now. We have to plan a service.
And with that, Paul opens his front door and ducks inside, quickly shutting it
behind him.
64 INT. BRANCH'S OFFICE - DAY 64
Branch, very unhappy, flips through some papers then looks up at Ted and
Cam.
TED
This isn't a standard case. You were there when
this guy came in looking to cash in. C'mon, it stinks.
BRANCH
Secondly, if the police say this guy was...
CAM
Eaten by wolves. Sir.
BRANCH
(incredulous)
Eaten by wolves, then we've got no case. Did you
see Mr. Barnell on the news last
night? Last thing we need is bad P.R. I don't want
this thing Valdeez-ing on us.
TED
Mr. Branch, I'm sure head office would take a rather
dim view of our --
BRANCH
Corporate's view will be whatever I tell them.
Cam, seeing his partner is about to get himself into a heap of trouble, hustles
him toward the door.
CAM
Yes Sir. Color us called off, as of now.
65 INT. INSURANCE OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER 65
Ted and Cam walk through the cubicles.
TED
Stop looking at me right now.
CAM
You've got a strange way of bucking for a promotion,
my friend.
(off Ted's look)
Look, I'm gonna start on the Johnasen file. You want
to do up the paper work on Barnell?
Ted grabs his coat.
CAM (cont'd)
Where ya going?
TED
Lunch.
CAM
At 9:30?
Ted is out the door.
66 INT. "BARNELL GREAT ESCAPES TRAVEL" - DAY 66
Ted sits across the desk from Paul. As per usual, the place is a tomb.
TED
The police say they found Raymond's wallet, that's
how they tracked you down?
PAUL
That's right, yes.
TED
Any idea what he was doing out there?
PAUL
He'd go for walks. Hikes, I mean. Hiking.
TED
How sporty. Was he a big hiker?
PAUL
Not sure I follow.
TED
Did he hike more than once a week? Or was this a...
one time thing?
PAUL
Can I ask why you need to know all this?
TED
Just trying to tie up a few loose ends.
PAUL
You know the police... they say Raymond died in the
attack. You do cover that sort of thing don't you?
TED
(forced smile)
Yes sir. It shouldn't take more than a few days.
Now, tell me a little more about your brother. The
hiker.
67 EXT. STRIP MALL PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER 67
Gary and Jimbo's car parked in the lot. Gary is just returning to the vehicle with
a brown paper bag. Jimbo has the look of man who hasn't slept in days.
Gary and Jimbo are eating fish and chips. The name on the bag is "Ye' Olde
Fish Shoppe."
JIMBO
Cod or Halibut?
GARY
Didn't ask.
JIMBO
(digging in)
So we got six different stores here. We got your
"Great Escapes" travel agency, your Ye Old Fish and
Chips place, Porn-a-Copia videos, a hair place, one
for lease and one... what is that?
GARY
Small engine repair. See all the snow blowers out
front.
There is indeed a row of snowblowers lined up outside. Jimbo takes another
bite of his fish.
GARY (cont'd)
Should move the blowers over to the triple X store.
Gary LAUGHS. Jimbo is in no mood.
JIMBO
So, which one you figure would want to take our
friend?
GARY
I guess maybe the porn palace. Ya know for some
weird sex film.
JIMBO
Yeah, this place is just a hotbed of adult cinema
production. Fish shop look clean?
GARY
Very nice Korean family. You figure maybe they
battered him up?
Gary LAUGHS again, then shoves Jimbo's shoulder.
GARY (cont'd)
Maybe we're eatin' him right now. Huh?
JIMBO
Gary, this isn't a joke. You ever known Dave to joke?
Gary, embarrassed, takes another bite of his fish. Jimbo turns up the radio. A
local call-in show comes on.
WOMAN CALLER (O.S.)
...it could never happen. There's never been a
documented case--
GARY
Sorry.
JIMBO
Yeah, "Sorry." I get strip searched and you go off
playing snow angels...
RADIO HOST (O.S.)
Well, we've got one now, don't we!?
WOMAN CALLER (O.S.)
That was different. From what I read in the paper he
was unconscious. And now people are going to use
this as an excuse to--
RADIO HOST (O.S.)
Hey lady, why don't you tell Raymond Barnell how
wolves have gotten a bad rap.
WOMAN CALLER (O.S.)
I can tell you from years of experience that wolves do
not operate--
JIMBO
Wait a minute.
RADIO HOST (O.S.)
You can tell me all you want, lady, but it is an
undeniable, indisputable fact. This Barnell guy got
turned into a Scooby Snack by a pack of wild
animals...
JIM'S POV: Through the windshield, looking at the sign for "Barnell Great
Escapes Travel." Jimbo and Gary look at each other. Maybe...
68 INT. INSURANCE OFFICE - DAY 68
Ted at his cubicle on his phone.
TED
Yeah, hi, it's Ted Watters from Fidelity Mutual. (beat)
I need a complete credit work up on a Raymond
Barnell... and Paul, a Paul Barnell too... sure, I'll hold.
Cam walks by, leans his head over the top of the cubicle.
CAM
You start the month ends yet?
TED
Can you take care of it? I'm kinda... working on
something.
CAM
Oh God, you're not still on the Barnell thing are you--
Ted pulls Cam down into his cubicle, talks in a harsh whisper.
TED
I went to see him.
CAM
And? Then? So?
TED
Trust me. Something's not right. I can smell it. Help
me buy a week.
CAM
We're gonna get in such trouble.
TED
I promise from now on you can come along on
everything.
CAM
No more Cam goes to the coffee room and Ted
disappears for three hours?
TED
I'll try.
CAM
And you'll work on your interpersonal skills?
TED
(a long beat)
Yes.
CAM
Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go start covering
your ass.
69 INT. BARNELL HOME / STUDY - EVENING 69
Paul sits beside his desk, flipping through travel brochures. Margaret enters,
teetering in the doorway. Paul looks up.
PAUL
Hey. How's my Princess?
MARGARET
OK. I took some Adavan. And called my psychic.
PAUL
(picks up the phone bill)
Honey, you know how expensive that is. I thought we
agreed that...
She moves to him, runs her hand through his hair.
MARGARET
Don't be mad. It's just... this week has been so...
well with Raymond getting eaten by animals and
someone trying to steal the fridge.
PAUL
I know. Why don't you --
MARGARET
We got another letter from the HMO today.
PAUL
Have you opened it yet?
Margaret starts to CRY, holding the letter up to her face the SOBS building to a
full blown breakdown.
PAUL (cont'd)
Oh hey honey, come on now.
MARGARET
I'm sorry. It's just, fucking cocksuckers.
Paul takes the letter, unfolds it and reads...
PAUL
"As we have stated previously... usual onset before
the age of 18... coupled with no genetic history..."
MARGARET
I'm sick! I'm really, really sick!
PAUL
Shush, now. (reading again) "We hasten to add,
Tourette Syndrome is not..."
MARGARET
Fuck them.
Paul is about to say something, but returns to the letter.
PAUL
"As well, please reference our previous decisions
regarding your claims for ADD, ODO, OCD,
ADHOPHI...
(treading lightly)
Honey. I know you don't like to talk about it, but
maybe it's not... what we might think it is but... maybe
it's just stress? Remember that cruise? I saw you.
You were happy.
Margaret looks at him, crestfallen.
PAUL (cont'd)
I'm sorry. I'm just really tired.
MARGARET
They say you can't get it all of a sudden but I did. I
really, really did.
PAUL
I know. They just don't --
MARGARET
I'll kill myself. Then they'll see.
PAUL
That is nonsense talk.
MARGARET
Then you can go off and...
(sobbing again)
...marry someone normal.
PAUL
You're the most normal girl I know.
MARGARET
I'm not crazy, Paul. Something's really wrong with
me.
He takes her to a small sofa, cradles her in his arms.
PAUL
I know, Sweetie. I know. And we're gonna find you
the best specialists in...
(a second, then confident)
...what you have that we can.
MARGARET
Promise?
PAUL
I really think things are going to turn around. Call me
cr... I just have a feeling. You just leave everything to
me, OK? Is that OK? Leave everything to me? I
promise.
MARGARET
(gently)
Shit bag.
PAUL
That's my girl.
CUT TO:
TIGHT ON : TV SCREEN
70/71 INT. TED'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 70/71
Where Edward G. Robinson (as the character Keyes in "Double Indemnity")
grills a man about a fake insurance claim.
EDWARD G. ROBINSON
"Every time one of these phonies comes along it ties
knots in my stomach... I can't eat. That's how I knew
your claim was crooked..."
At the sound of DOORBELL, the whole scene freezes. We are --
Tiffany at her desk, working on the computer. Ted has paused the DVD, puts
down the Barnell file and opens the door on a snow covered PIZZA GUY, soggy
pizza box in hand.
TED
Hey.
PIZZA GUY
Hi there. That'll be $12.97.
Ted looks at his watch.
TED
What about thirty minutes or free?
PIZZA GUY
Doesn't apply when it's snowing.
TED
(digging out his wallet)
So nine months of the year your guarantee is
worthless?
PIZZA GUY
It doesn't snow every day.
TED
They should really tell people when they order.
TIFFANY
Would you just give him the money already?
PIZZA GUY
It's not my decision.
TED
I know that. I'm just saying.
PIZZA GUY
Sure.
TED
You understand though?
PIZZA GUY
Absolutely.
TED
It wouldn't take much.
PIZZA GUY
Full disclosure to the pizza consumer. I'll be sure to
pass that along.
The delivery guy leaves.
Ted walks back into the living room. Tiffany comes over, grabs a slice.
TIFFANY
Why you gotta argue with the service industry?
TED
The problem with people today is they don't expect
anyone to tell the truth.
We've just come to accept lying as acceptable.
TIFFANY
If this is another passive/aggressive shot at Psychic
Buddies, all our ads state "for amusement purposes
only."
TED
Tiff, it has nothing to do with... look, just forget it.
TIFFANY
You remember being amused, don't ya, honey?
What is with you anyway?
TED
Want to know what's "with" me? I'm on the verge of
cracking the biggest case of my career, one that
corporate has to notice, and nobody gives a crap.
Not my boss, and not even my girlfriend.
TIFFANY
So this is my fault?
TED
No, it's not your fault. I just want to live somewhere
where road hazards don't have antlers and the pizza
doesn't have to be delivered by dogsled.
Tiffany storms off as Ted flops onto the couch, swipes the snow from the top of
the pizza box and hits play on the DVD.
EDWARD G. ROBINSON
"What kind of outfit is this, anyway? Are we an
insurance company or a bunch of dim-witted
amateurs to write a policy on a mug like that?"
Tiffany turns from the bedroom door, almost in tears.
TIFFANY
You know, even though Edward G. Robinson wins,
everyone like Fred MacMurray better.
She SLAMS the door. Ted doesn't move, lost in his own world.
72 INT. MRS. WHERRY'S HOUSE / LIVING ROOM - DAY 72
Ted and Mrs. Wherry sit on plastic covered furniture. The mounted heads of
several dozen dead animals, foxes, wolves, elk, surround them. Ted takes
notes.
MRS. WHERRY
It was terrible. Just terrible. Raymond should have
known better.
TED
(re: the mounted heads)
All these yours?
MRS. WHERRY
Greatest sport on earth. Moved to a compound bow
two years ago.
(whisper)
Arthritis. Less draw weight.
She mimics pulling back an imaginary bow with her bony hand.
MRS. WHERRY (cont'd)
Coffee OK?
TED
I'm fine. Did you talk to Raymond at all when he
came home? Was he getting along with his
brother?
MRS. WHERRY
No. Only saw him the once. Never spoke. Waved to
him.
TED
Waved?
MRS. WHERRY
He was clearing my driveway. Raymond was a real
hellcat when he was younger. But like they say, time
mellows even the hardest soul.
TED
Was he much of an outdoorsman?
MRS. WHERRY
I thought it was Paul at first. Have you met Paul's
wife? Now there's a story. Not that I'm much for
gossip, but I think Raymond used to have a --
TED
Mrs. Wherry, I'm sorry, but --
MRS. WHERRY
Sorry. Did Raymond like the outdoors. Not so
much, no. Liked living out here at the cabin, though.
I think he had some friends on the police force.
Have you talked to them? They'd pull up here day
and night, always looking for --
TED
I'm sorry, did you say you thought it was Paul who
did your driveway?
MRS. WHERRY
Well in a ski mask you can hardly tell who's who.
Now, how 'bout some jerky? I've got it drying out
back.
73 INT. INSURANCE OFFICE - DAY 73
Ted at his cubicle, thinking hard as he chews on some jerky as he works the
phone. Snow whips by outside the window.
TED
(just waiting to cut in)
That's really super, Simon. Now how'd you like to
run some names for me?
Ted sees Cam reflected in his dark computer screen. Annoyed, he puts his
hand over the receiver.
TED (cont'd)
You mind?
CAM
Now, now. Let's not forget who's pulling double duty.
TED
(hanging up)
Simon, I'll call you back.
(to Cam: forced)
Sorry.
CAM
Much better. So?
TED
Turns out our Mr. Barnell is mortgaged to the nuts.
His business is about one step
away from chapter 11. Plus it's like his brother
Raymond never existed. He's got no credit history,
no nothing for the last five years.
CAM
Ya know, not having a credit history isn't actually a
crime. People around here have been known to
swap a snow mobile for 500 pounds of venison.
Doesn't exactly leave a paper trail.
TED
Yes, but he was in Florida, someplace. Plus, the
only thing he did after his recent "reappearance" was
get some new ID and a new credit card. Didn't
charge anything.
CAM
Wow. Less than nothing.
TED
It's something.
CAM
No it's not... in my humble, junior investigator's
opinion.
The phone RINGS. Ted picks up.
TED
Watters, claims. Yeah, hang on...
(to Cam)
It's personal. I promise.
Cam shrugs, walks off. Ted waits 'til he's gone...
TED (cont'd)
Mr. Barnell... Your ears must have been burning, I
was just -- sure, what time?
Ted is scribbling down something on a pad of paper.
74 EXT. GRAVEYARD - DAY (FULL ON BLIZZARD) 74
Tombstones, barely visible through the blowing snow, dot the top of a small hill
on the outskirts of town. A small group of mourners try to keep warm. Paul and
Margaret, Avis, two other FRIENDS and the MINISTER huddle against the cold.
MINISTER
When someone is taken from us at such a young
age we often ask ourselves, why? What possible
purpose could this serve?
The Minister is temporarily lost from view.
MINISTER (cont'd)
(just a voice in the white)
Why is God, who is a loving God, capable of such
things...
The snow clears. Paul, a pillar of strength, discreetly checks his watch then
sneaks a concerned look at Margaret who busily grins at everyone in sight.
Ted's car pulls into the parking area.
75 INT. JIMBO'S CAR / GRAVEYARD PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS 75
Gary and Jimbo sit in their vehicle, watching as Ted gets out of his car and is
swallowed in a white out. He reappears a moment later farther up the hill.
GARY
We should have checked the funeral
announcements right away.
JIMBO
Shoot.
76 EXT. GRAVEYARD 76
A wind GUST rocks the casket just as it's lowered into the frozen earth. The
funeral breaks up quickly as Paul and his wife shake hands with the minister.
PAUL
That was lovely, thank you so much.
MINISTER
Margaret, Paul, you two get some sleep.
Paul looks nervously at Margaret, who is about to reply. As her mouth
engages, a gust of wind obliterates most of her words, except for...
MARGARET
...nun banger.
The Minister smiles, he must have misunderstood.
MINISTER
Absolutely.
Paul turns to see Ted approaching. A blast of snow obscures his view. When
Ted reappears, he's just a few steps away.
TED
Mr. Barnell. There was no hurry on this, we could
wait until--
PAUL
It's OK. We just wrapped up. This is my wife,
Margaret.
As they shake hands, and Margaret opens her mouth to speak...
PAUL (cont'd)
Why don't you wait in the car, sweetheart?
MARGARET
Okee dokee, smokee.
Margaret smiles and totters off.
PAUL
She's under a little strain right now.
Ted looks down the hill at a small group of TV news vans, the REPORTERS
just now venturing out into the cold.
TED
I see the media's here. They don't give people a
moment's peace, do they?
PAUL
I called them.
TED
(surprised)
Really?
PAUL
Well, they've been asking me to talk some more
about Raymond. I thought now might be an
appropriate time.
TED
And you'll just happen to mention your heartless
insurance company that hasn't paid off your policy
yet.
PAUL
I had to borrow money for the casket, Mr. Ted.
TED
You are breaking my heart.
PAUL
No, I doubt that. They asked me to bring some
photos of Raymond. Guess it's gonna be a pretty
big story.
He pulls out some shots of his brother. They whip around in the wind and
blowing snow.
PAUL (cont'd)
Of course, we could walk over there together. You
could tell them how deeply moved you were by this
tragedy and how... the check is on its way?
Ted thinks, grudgingly impressed with Paul's ploy.
TED
Enjoy your press conference, Mr. Barnell.
Paul stuffs the photos back in his pocket and walks down the hill. Ted watches
him go, is about to leave when a gust of wind forces him to avert his eyes.
Looking down he sees a photo of Raymond Barnell, on the beach in swim
trunks. Must have fallen. Ted pockets it and moves on.
A76 INT. GARY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT A76
JIMBO
That's your plan?
GARY
How tough can it be?
JIMBO
You ever try digging through six feet of half frozen
sod? We'd need a back hoe. Can you operate a
back hoe? Do you know where we'd get a back
hoe? We don't even know for sure...
GARY
Oh please. Don't you think it's a pretty neat
coincidence?
JIMBO
Maybe we just go explain it to Dave.
GARY
He won't take it well.
JIMBO
Then I'm all for new options, here, Gary. (beat) If we
give the money back--
GARY
Hey, wait a minute, now. We did the job. We
deserve the--
JIMBO
I did the job, Gary. I know, because I haven't been
sleeping for the last week.
GARY
I don't know why you're letting it get to you like this.
Look, let's just not rush into anything. It's my turn to
step up. I know that. I'm on it.
They look on as Paul is interviewed by the reporters.
77 OMITTED 77
78 INT. PAUL'S HOME / KITCHEN - MORNING 78
Margaret washes down some pills with her morning coffee as she looks at a
fawn in the backyard, nibbling on a bush.
MARGARET
Hey little, Bambi. Where's your Mommy? Gettin' it
from some ten point buck. Yes she is. Yes she is.
Just then, a THUMPING sound from the garage causes the fawn to bolt.
Margaret turns, suspicious. She picks up the portable phone as she moves
toward the door.
79 INT. GARAGE 79
Gary sticks his head inside the now unchained fridge, grabs a can of soda
from the door rack and closes the door. A moment later, he reopens the door...
There, hanging off the frosty inside, is a chunk of the dead man's hair and
scalp. Gary pulls it off, not sure what it means, but sure it means something.
Unseen behind him, Margaret steps into the garage. She quickly assesses
the situation.
MARGARET
Stay away from our fucking appliances.
Gary spins, shocked to see Margaret.
GARY
Lady, just calm down.
Margaret, eyes wide with fear, unleashes a hailstorm of soda cans,
knickknacks, gardening implements and anything else she can lay her hands
on.
GARY (cont'd)
Hey! Would you... Lady... I have a--
He tries to close in on her, but the torrent of stuff (a rake, a Whipper-Snipper,
an old pair of skates...) keeps him pinned down. Finally, he manages to grab his
gun from his pocket. But even as he raises it...
A Bissel Handvac catches him flush in the face.
GARY (cont'd)
Sud of a bit!
He drops to his knees, grabbing his nose, which is now gushing blood.
Margaret reaches for her portable phone and starts punching numbers.
MARGARET
You are in so much trouble.
Gary stands, pissed off, gun aimed at Margaret's head.
GARY
Lady, so help me I --
Gary ducks as the phone whizzes over his head and smashes against the
garage wall. He stares at her. Game over.
80 INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY 80
A standard corrugated metal storage facility. Snow falls in from a large hole
that's been cut in the roof. Cam and Ted, clipboard in hand, stand by the
owner, MR. SPELLMAN (50s).
CAM
So you're a souvenir wholesaler?
SPELLMAN
For the cruise ship trade, mostly. Usual stuff, stuffed
animals, your huskies, your moose, your baby seals,
your whales, your walrus --
TED
They came in through there?
SPELLMAN
(looking up/duh!)
Yeah. Through that... big hole in the roof. I got a list
of all the things that are missing.
Ted stares up at the sky through the ceiling.
TED
How much?
SPELLMAN
Uh, we figure about 200,000, plus fixing the roof.
Now I know you guys are gonna bust my --
TED
Fax over your estimate. We'll have you a check by
Friday.
CAM
(taking Ted aside)
Ted. Maybe we should take a look at their inventory
list first?
TED
This is a simple case, Cam. Bad guys, through roof,
stole stuff. Let's clear it and get going.
SPELLMAN
I should tell you... we also had some VCRs we were
holding for another company. That could run
another couple of...
TED
Cam? You wanna wrap this up?
(off his look)
Gotta go primary some time.
Cam shrugs-- "sure." Ted hands him his clipboard and walks out, the door
closes behind him with a loud BANG.
CAM
Mr. Spellman? Now I noticed a nice looking
computer in your office. Why do you think they left
that?
81 INT. BARNELL HOME / LIVING ROOM - LATER 81
Margaret sits taped to a Lazy-Boy recliner. Gary, who's still bleeding from the
nose, sits across from her.
MARGARET
You try and rape me, I swear to Christ I'll bite it off.
Gary looks confused. The doorbell CHIMES, playing "Tiny Bubbles." (We stay
in the living room as Gary answers it.)
JIMBO (O.S.)
What's going on?
GARY (O.S.)
Okay, now here's the thing, just keep an open mind.
They both enter the room. Jimbo looks at Gary, is about to smack him when...
MARGARET
So what now, you gonna get me smokin' from both
ends?
Gary and Jimbo have no idea how to react. Margaret senses their discomfort,
starts to relax.
GARY
I just came to look around, but she started yelling
and hitting me...
MARGARET
Oh please.
JIMBO
How the hell is this solving our problem? How is
this stepping up?
GARY
Just listen, okay.
MARGARET
Yeah, listen, if the fat from your neck hasn't stopped
up your ears.
Jimbo looks confused. Gary ushers him into the other room.
82 INT. BARNELL HOME / KITCHEN - LATER 82
Gary and Jimbo sit at the table, talking. Jimbo's not happy.
JIMBO
This is not what we do.
GARY
It is now.
JIMBO
Where would we stash her? Your place?
GARY
Too small, plus we'd have to get her in and out
without anyone seeing. And I've seen that sty you
call an apartment.
JIMBO
See, it's just a bad idea.
GARY
Yeah. Maybe.
(a possible idea)
You see the whirlpool tub?
JIMBO
You can't be serious.
GARY
It could be like a little getaway.
Off Jimbo, considering this.
83 EXT. BARNELL HOME - NIGHT 83
Paul pulls up, hits the garage door opener and drives in.
84 INT. BARNELL HOME / KITCHEN 84
Paul walks in from the garage, pulls off his jacket.
PAUL
Hey Maggie-magster. How ya --
Paul stops short as he sees Margaret, Gary and Jimbo sitting around the table.
Margaret's mouth is taped shut.
Paul is about to lunge at the men when Gary slides his gun into view. He
stops.
PAUL (cont'd)
What are you people doing in my house?
GARY
Mr. Barnell. You have something that belongs to us.
PAUL
I, I don't know what you're talking about.
JIMBO
Do you remember a dead man you found in the
dumpster behind your office?
Paul, shocked, tries to hold it together.
PAUL
No, I can't say that... I mean that would probably stick
in my mind a... dead body.
GARY
Think hard Mr. Barnell.
He tosses the frozen lock of hair onto the table.
GARY (cont'd)
Think hard.
Paul realizes he's screwed, gestures to the living room.
85 INT. BARNELL HOME / LIVING ROOM - LATER 85
Gary sits on the sofa as Paul paces.
GARY
I thought it might be some weirdo sex thing, ya
know? But you look like a pretty straight arrow. So
then I'm thinking, maybe it's a scam. Maybe
somehow our friend is worth some money to you.
Paul face lets Gary know he's dead on.
GARY (cont'd)
So what'd you collect?
PAUL
We, we had a life insurance policy
on my brother. It was for... 100,000 dollars.
GARY
You know, it's always you quiet guys. Here's how it's
going to work. We stay here with your wife, you go
get our guy.
PAUL
Here?
GARY
We even see you or a cop even roll past, she's dead.
Plus you'll have to explain
how you scammed the insurance people out of their
hard earned money. We'll call you in three days.
Have the body and, let's say 50,000 dollars for our
trouble. Screw with us, we start mailing your wife
back to you.
Gary pauses for dramatic effect.
GARY (cont'd)
Starting with her feet.
86 INT. KITCHEN - LATER 86
Gary walks in on Jimbo and Margaret, still gagged.
JIMBO
He gone?
Gary nods, well pleased with himself.
GARY
He was scared. Really scared.
JIMBO
You used the feet thing, didn't you?
GARY
No.
87 INT. TED'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 87
Tiffany comes through the door carrying a sack of groceries.
TIFFANY
Hey, little help here. I got Pop Tarts.
She sees the living room wall -- it's covered with charts, diagrams and
theories. Ted on the floor, remote control in hand, replaying the shots of the
body over and over...
TIFFANY (cont'd)
(re: the screen)
Don't tell me, "Sound of Music"?
(no reaction)
Honey? You OK?
TED
Shhhh. This is the important part.
Ted rewinds the tape, hits play, rewinds it again as -- Tiffany watches, quietly at
first, then with growing frustration. Finally, she walks over and grabs the
remote control.
TED (cont'd)
I was watching that.
TIFFANY
This stops now. This case is making me and you
crazy, especially you.
No response. Tiffany plops on the sofa and starts leafing through Ted's files.
TIFFANY (cont'd)
Ya know, I am trying to be supportive. Leading
experts agree that's the number one complaint men
have about their mates.
TED
I don't have any complaints about my... you.
TIFFANY
(re: the file)
Dead guy's got a record? Cool.
TED
Yeah. He beat the hell out of some guy in bar fight.
Broke the guy's eye socket.
Tiffany scans the file, then looks up at the screen.
TIFFANY
Honey?
TED
Yeah?
TIFFANY
I think you should read this again.
He looks. She tosses him the file.
88 INT. BARNELL HOME / KITCHEN - NIGHT 88
Margaret, still taped to a chair, sits at the kitchen table. By the stove, Gary is
cooking, an apron tied like a bath towel around his waist.
MARGARET
We don't have any money, you know.
GARY
Lady. Please.
MARGARET
If you want Raymond's fucking insurance money...
we don't have that either.
GARY
It's none of your business what we want.
Gary goes back to his cooking. Then...
GARY (cont'd)
So how come you talk like you do? I mean, cursing
all the time.
MARGARET
It's a disease. It's called Tourette Syndrome. I can't
control what I say. Turnip.
GARY
Really?
MARGARET
You've taken a handicapped person hostage. I hope
you're proud of yourself.
GARY
I saw this thing on TV where they said people with
that don't usually curse.
MARGARET
They must have got it wrong.
GARY
I don't think so. It was a movie of the week based on
real events. Don't most of Tourette's people twitch
and stuff?
Margaret just glares.
GARY (cont'd)
(knowingly)
Oh, I get it. You got a spice rack?
MARGARET
Over the sink. And what's that supposed to mean?
GARY
Nothing. Cumin?
MARGARET
On the left. (beat) And I'm not... crazy, it's a physical
disease. Sometimes I can control it, and
sometimes --
GARY
You can't? Want to know what I think? I think this
"syndrome" is something you
read about somewhere and figured, hey, works for
me.
MARGARET
Ass-rimming ball-sucker.
GARY
You can completely abdicate your societal
responsibilities, say whatever you want whenever
you want, and slough it off on a illness. Maybe I
should catch this thing. "Gee, sorry Your Honor, I
have a disease that makes me rob 7-11s." It's
called really need a Slurpee disease.
MARGARET
You've never robbed a 7-11 in your life you shit
eating fuck-weasel. What kind of man threatens a
woman with a gun, anyway?
GARY
You are so faking it.
MARGARET
Oh, I'm faking it? Is this how you get your kicks, you
over-compensating pussy little fart sack?
Gary, suddenly tense, puts down his spoon and picks up his gun.
GARY
Hey! Keep your voice down or the gag goes back.
MARGARET
You don't scare me. If something bad was going to
happen, my psychic would have told me.
Gary awkwardly chambers a round, starts gesturing with the gun, trying to look
tough.
MARGARET (cont'd)
You put that down now you little bitch, or so help me,
I'll start yelling so loud you'll have to shoot me.
Gary, confused and embarrassed, doesn't know what to do.
89 EXT. BARNELL MOBILE HOME - NIGHT 89
Paul gets out of his car carrying a K-Mart bag. He looks like he's been
CRYING. Mrs. Wherry waves from her deck.
MRS. WHERRY
Paul, sorry to hear about your brother.
(Paul gives a sad smile)
You moving in?
PAUL
Just for a bit.
MRS. WHERRY
She'll come to her senses. They always do. Oh, the
septic lines are frozen, so you'll have to use the
outdoor commode.
Paul waves as he enters the mobile home, closing the door behind him. A
light goes on. It starts to snow.
90 INT. BARNELL MOBILE HOME - NIGHT 90
Paul walks in, survey's the interior of the mobile home.
PAUL'S POV: A 7 year old time capsule of a party that was never cleaned up;
beer bottles, ashtrays and general garbage.
PAUL
(to himself)
Would it have killed you to clean up before you left,
Raymond?
Paul picks up a small box from the floor, looks at the label. Edible Panties. He
puts them on top of a stack of porno mags, neatens the pile, then heads out.
INT. BEDROOM - LATER
HIGH ANGLE ON: Paul lying in bed, wide awake, but in the same position
we've seen him in when he sleeps with Margaret. An electric heater glows
beside him.
91 EXT. BARNELL MOBILE HOME - CONTINUOUS 91
TIGHT ON: Car tires as they pull to a stop on the main road. A pair of heavy
men's boots get out, start to make their way toward the mobile home.
92 INT. MOBILE HOME - LATE NIGHT 92
There's a KNOCK on the door. Paul heads to the door.
PAUL
Who is it?
MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
State Police. Is there a Mr. Barnell here?
PAUL
(as he unlocks it)
Yes, is there something wrong--
As he opens the door a crack, a gloved hand shoves it open. The force of the
blow sends Paul staggering backward, landing in a heap against the wall
where a picture of his family tumbles over and shatters on his head.
RAYMOND BARNELL (40s), a bear of man, enters, picks up Paul and throws
him through the serving kitchen serving hatch. Raymond leans through the
hole.
RAYMOND
Hello brother.
He walks around, takes a copy of "USA Today" and throws it at Paul.
PAUL
Raymond? Is that...
RAYMOND
Page 16, Paul. That's why I love "USA Today", news
from every fuckin' state. Don't you want to read it? I
was eaten by wild fuckin' animals. But ya know,
despite that, I'm feeling pretty God-damned chipper.
Paul beats a hasty retreat, stumbling through the mobile home with Raymond
right on his heels.
PAUL
Raymond, let me tell you what happened here. We
all thought you were...
RAYMOND
Dead? Yeah, I got that impression.
PAUL
But you had dropped off the face of the earth.
RAYMOND
And you just decide to make it permanent?
PAUL
But there were no records of you anywhere. I
checked.
With that, Raymond kicks his brother hard in the ribs. Paul doubles over,
gasping for breath.
RAYMOND
In certain lines of quasi-legal employment, using
your actual ID can be a hinderance. But despite the
reliance on aliases, it's nice to have your actual birth
certificate to fall back on. Gotta tell ya, Paul, I was
pretty pissed.
Raymond is about to kick him once more, but Paul puts up a hand, begging
him to stop. Raymond, relents, then bends over and helps his brother to a
sitting position.
RAYMOND (cont'd)
But then I start to think, Paul's no idiot. He woulda
told 'em it's not me. Unless...
Paul can only sit there and WHEEZE. Raymond sits beside him on the floor,
pulls out a cigarette and lights it.
RAYMOND (cont'd)
So what is it? Frame job, lawsuit...
PAUL
Life insurance.
RAYMOND
Figured. So where's my money?
PAUL
Your money?
(a beat)
They're still... investigating.
RAYMOND
What you get?
Paul considers whether or not Raymond would even remember.
PAUL
Fifty thousand.
RAYMOND
(with a shrug)
Almost worth coming back for. What's the split? I
get half?
PAUL
(not quite trusting him)
Okay. Sure.
(changing the subject)
You look good. Lost some weight?
RAYMOND
Gave up carbs. So what are you doing out here?
She not go along with it?
PAUL
Who? Margaret?
RAYMOND
How she hold up, anyway?
PAUL
She's fine. Actually, we're not doing so good right
now.
RAYMOND
Any kids?
(off his look)
Still can't get one by the goalie, huh.
93 INT. BARNELL HOME / KITCHEN - LATER 93
Gary and Margaret sit in silence, Gary taking Margaret's pulse. Jimbo walks in,
grocery bag in hand.
JIMBO
Hey.
GARY
(snarky)
Hey.
JIMBO
Talked to our friend. We're okay for now. How's
everything here?
GARY
Oh, just great.
(to Margaret)
Seventy six, perfectly normal. What a shock.
Gary jumps up and storms into the bathroom just off the kitchen.
MARGARET
He's a little over tired.
JIMBO
It's been a rough week.
MARGARET
(for Gary's benefit)
Really? Why? You and your life partner in the shitter
having trouble picking a China pattern?
JIMBO
(shocked)
Um, um... Gary?
GARY (O.S.)
Your turn to deal with it. If I come out of this
bathroom I'll put a bullet in her head, swear to God.
MARGARET
I have a psychiatric disorder.
(to Gary, in the bathroom)
And so do you!
94 EXT. BARNELL MOBILE HOME / DRIVEWAY - MORNING 94
Paul, looking like a man who recently took a beating, shovels the light snow
cover that blankets the drive. He looks as Ted's car pulls up. As Ted walks
toward him...
PAUL
Mr. Watters. You said on the phone something
about a resolution in our claim?
TED
Mr. Barnell. Why are you staying out here?
Paul thinks about this for a long time. Then, finally...
PAUL
My wife and I, we're having some problems.
TED
Kind of understandable I guess. Seeing as how you
killed that man and dumped his body out in the
woods.
PAUL
You mean Raymond?
TED
No. Not Raymond. Definitely not Raymond. I
thought it was at first, but that's what was throwing
me...
PAUL
I'm not sure I appreciate your tone.
TED
My tone, Mr. Barnell? You are going to jail. I will
personally see to that.
PAUL
I really think you should go now.
TED
You are a liar and thief.
Paul stabs his shovel into a snow bank, then walks to Ted.
PAUL
You know Mr. Watters, I've had a pretty rough night,
so if you wouldn't mind just leaving.
Paul tries to guide Ted away, but slips and falls on the snow. Ted, rolling his
eyes, reaches down to help him up.
TED
(noticing the bruises)
Hey. How'd you get all cut up?
MRS. WHERRY (O.S.)
What's say you just move away from him.
Ted, with his hands still on Paul, turns to see -- Mrs. Wherry, from her porch, a
compound bow aimed at his forehead.
MRS. WHERRY (cont'd)
You all right there, Paul?
PAUL
I'm fine, Mrs. Wherry. Just go back inside.
MRS. WHERRY
I can drop him if you want.
PAUL
I'm fine. Really.
(turning to Watters)
I think you'd better go.
Ted backs to his car, gets in and drives off. Paul brushes the snow from his
jacket, reaches up, touches his bleeding forehead (the fall having reopened the
wound).
MRS. WHERRY
I've got some fishing line if you want me to stitch that.
Paul waves her off, then stares at the blood on his fingertips. An idea slowly
takes hold.
95 INT. BARNELL MOBILE HOME - MOMENTS LATER 95
Raymond pours whiskey into a 7-11 specialty cup as Paul pulls off his coat.
RAYMOND
He give you the check?
PAUL
No. He thinks I... It'll be fine.
RAYMOND
Maybe I'll pay him a little visit. See if we can speed
up the process.
PAUL
You don't have to... I figured out a way to take care of
things.
RAYMOND
Yeah, I was watching from the window.
Paul, agitated, pulls the blinds shut.
PAUL
You can't do that, Raymond. If someone sees you...
RAYMOND
Ya know, I been thinking there, Paulie.
PAUL
About what?
Raymond walks over to Paul. Paul tenses, expecting to be hit. Raymond
moves right by to refill his drink.
RAYMOND
After we get her back from these guys who grabbed
her, you think your wife'll be able to keep her mouth
shut?
PAUL
I don't think I...
RAYMOND
Crazy people talk a lot. And I think if you tell your
therapist something, they can use it in court.
PAUL
She's not... she doesn't have a therapist.
RAYMOND
(taking a slug)
Still, might wanna think about it.
PAUL
Think about what?
RAYMOND
You crossed over into the bigs now, Paulie. Fraud.
Consorting with felons. Got to "cowboy up."
PAUL
Cowboy up?
RAYMOND
Get tough, ya suck-hole. I'm just saying sometimes
a man has to make problematic decisions. Cull the
heard, so to speak.
(off his look)
Paul, come on, just kiddin' around, here. Don't be
such a fuckin' stick.
Raymond, an enigma, looks at Paul, then grins -- just kidding. Paul relaxes.
Raymond tenses -- not really. Paul's not sure how to read his brother as they
shoot looks at one another -- sibling rivalry ad absurdum.
96 EXT. CITY SKYLINE - MORNING 96
The sky moves from dark grey to light grey, then stops. A thermometer outside
on an office tower shows a brisk minus 20. Workers bundle themselves
against the cold, hurry to work past the drifts piled alongside the road.
97 INT. INSURANCE OFFICE - MORNING 97
Ted walks in, throwing his coat over the wall of his cubicle and is about to sit
down when he notices Paul in his boss' office. Ted moves closer.
PAUL (MUFFLED)
I haven't called the police yet, but I'll tell you it was
certainly tempting.
Ted opens the door to his boss' office. Paul doesn't notice.
PAUL (cont'd)
I've had some dealings with, diseases of the mind,
and I can tell you he is not well.
Branch, obviously worried, stands.
BRANCH
Watters. Glad you're... Mr. Barnell was just telling
me about the... meeting you two had.
TED
I caught that, yes.
BRANCH
As you can see... well, Mr. Barnell has some...
concerns.
Paul turns to look at Ted. He has a large band-aid on his forehead, scratches
and bruises on his face. It takes a second for the dime to drop.
TED
You don't think I did this?
Paul gets up and moves to the other side of the office.
TED (cont'd)
Oh come on. I never laid a hand on him.
BRANCH