Mindless - The Commercial.fdrFDpGFDR2{{mBINF2Final Draft, Inc. Final Draft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he Commercial Cold open Int. The sock showroom - day The store is empty. A man sits behind the cash register half asleep. JAKE and YOLONDA enter. The approach the register. Jake Dad?... Dad, are you awake? No answer. Yolonda (load as humanly possible) DAD! Their DAD springs up out his seat. dad (out of routine) Welcome to the Sock Showroom. Socks, socks, and more socks! A foots best friend! He realizes its only his children. DAD (CONTD) Oh, its only my children. YoLONDA (sarcastic) Well, you look busy. DAD Actually, thats not true. I havent had one customer today. And I didnt have one yesterday. Or the day before that. But the day before that day! BIG SALE! A guy came in and bought ten pairs of socks! JaKE Thats great! DAD Only problem, it was me. JAKE Well, you know, I could use some socks. JAKE picks out a nearby pair of bright green socks. He slaps them in front of his DAD. 0002000003710000038E36B,DAD Jake, you dont have to. I dont need charity from my son. He scans the pair anyway. DAD (CONTD) That will be eight dollars and 29 cents... JaKE WHAT! Thats a rip off! Im not paying! YOLONDA Eight dollars for a pair of socks, Dad? Thats a little extreme. DaD Youre talking to me about extreme?! Besides, I need to charge that much to make a profit! (to Jake) Pay up, sonny! JAKE NO! YOLONDA Dad, what you need to do is get your name out there. Youre just a small independent company right now. You need a advertize! Dad What do you mean? A commercial? JAKE Thats a great idea! You know Im into film stuff, Dad! I could write and direct a great commercial for you! No cost! DAD This actually isnt a bad idea! Thanks kids! YOLONDA No problem! The three reach over the counter top and share a group hug. DAD Jake, I dont allow loiterers. Either pay up or get out! 00020000030E000006F9308,Opening credits Act one INT. jakes room - later that day JAKE sits at his computer typing furiously. EMILY stands close by. SETH relaxes on Jakes bed. JAKE THIS IS CRAP! Emily No its not! I thought it was pretty decent! JAKE IT cant just be decent! It has to be excellent! This commercial will make or break my dads business! Seth Jake, Ive told you once. Ive told you twice. If you want to catch peoples attention you have to do one thing: set it in the future! JAKE Thats actually not a bad idea. EMILY Yes it is! No one is going to take the Sock Showroom seriously! And that commercial isnt helping the cause! JAKE I need ideas, Em. I need your help! EMILY Im here, Jake. SETH gags out loud. SETH Get a room! JAKE and EMILY look at SETH awkwardly. SETH (CONTD) 00020000031500000A0130F,Did I say that out loud? A BEAT. EMILY Heres an idea! Just do a normal commercial. Have it take place in the store. JAKE Normal isnt good enough. EMILY Im not finished... We wash away into Emilys commercial... Int. ThE SOCK SHOWROOM - night The store is in BLACK AND WHITE. SETH sits behind the counter top. He looks like a member of the rat pack. EMILY enters in a long dress and fur coat. Seth (V.O.) It was a warm night when she walked into the Sock Showroom. You could tell she was looking for something. EmILY Im looking for something. SETH Well, maybe I can be of help, sweet pea. EMILY Listen, and listen good because Im only going to say this once! My crazed fiance is out to kill me! So Im running away to Bermuda! Only thing is I need socks, lots and lots of socks! 00020000033400000D1032E,SETH Well, youve come to the right place, doll face. The Sock Showroom carries over a thousand different styles of socks from over fifty brands. And the colors and low prices will blow your mind! EMILY I know this is too soon... but I feel like Ive known you my entire life! Run away with me! SETH (V.O.) She was talking crazy... SETH (CONTD) Youre talking crazy! The door opens. PILE enters. He has a long scar across his face! He has a gun! Pile YOU CANT ESCAPE ME, NATASHA! EMILY STRIKER, NO! PILE shoots and Seth falls to the ground dead. EMILY (CONTD) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! We wash back to... Int. JAKES ROOM - mOMENTS LATER Jake has been typing up Emilys commercial. SETH Thats even worse than my future idea. No one will like that! EMILY Yes they will! Its classic film noire! Everyone likes that! 0002000003100000103E30A,JakE Finished! Int. ThE SOCK SHOWROOM - the next DAY JAKE sets up the scene for his commercial. YOLONDA is helping him. YOLONDA Im so excited about this! I cant believe were actually going to shoot a commercial! JAKE Im excited, too! YOLONDA And I just want to thank you in advance for casting me as the beautiful Natasha. I think your script is genius by the way! An awkward BEAT. JAKE Oh... You think youre playing Natasha. YOLONDA Of course! JAKE Sorry, Yo-Yo. I already promised Emily she could. After all, the commercial was her idea. YOLONDA Oh, thats okay. So what character am I playing? JAKE Yolonda, youre not in the commercial! An even more awkward BEAT. YOLONDA (crushed) Oh... I see how it is... You make your way to the top and then you forget your family! 00020000030F00001348309,YOLONDA begins to storm off. She stops at the door. YOLONDA (CONTD) By the way, I was lying! Youre script sucks! The plot is filled with holes and your characters are one dimensional. YOLONDA exits. EMILY, SETH, PILE, and Jakes DAD enter shortly after. The three are in costume. Jakes DAD approaches his son. Dad Hey, Jakey! I thought it would be a clever idea to have the cast where some out socks in the commercial. What do you think. JAKE is handed three pairs of thick wool socks in bright blue, green, and pink. JAKE Um... Thats a great idea, Dad. But they dont really fit with costumes, or the time period, or in general. DAD (crushed) Oh, thats okay. I see how it is. You make your way to the top and then you forget your family! Jakes DAD exits. JAKE (to self) 00020000034D00001651347,What is wrong with my family! (to his friends) All right guys! Lets make a commercial! Places everyone! SETH sits behind the counter. Jake disappears behind his camera. JAKE (O.C.) (CONTD) All, and ACTION! Que voice over... Oh wait, thats my job. Seth (V.O.) It was a warm day when she walked into the Sock Showroom. You could tell she was looking for something. Emily enters EmilY Im looking for... for... (breaking character) LINE! JAKE (O.C.) CUT! JAKE emerges out from behind his camera. JAKE (CONTD) Emily, are you kidding me. Your first line is exactly the same as Seths last sentence. EMILY Thats right. Sorry. JAKE Lets try it again people! Jake disappears again. JAKE (O.C.) (CONTD) Take 2... And ACTION! Seth (V.O.) It was a warm day when she walked into the Sock Showroom. You could tell she was looking for something. 0002000003430000199833D,EMILY enters. EMILY She was looking for something. JAKE (O.C.) CUT! Int. The SOCK SHOWROOM - momenTS LATER The commercial shoot continues. Jake (O.C.) Take 24! Emily Only thing is I need socks! Lots and lots of socks! SETH Well, youve come to the right place, doll face. SETH begins to laugh. SETH (CONTD) (still laughing) Im sorry! I just think its funny calling Emily doll face. You know, with her being so ugly. EMILY hits SETH in the chest. Int. The sOCK SHOWROOM - mOMENTS LATER PILE enters the store! Pile YOU CANT ESCAPE ME BRENDA!!! (breaking character) Oh wait, thats the wrong name! JAKE (O.C.) CUT! Try it again! Take 76! ACTION! PILE YOU CANT ESCAPE ME NATASHA!!! EmILY (O.C.) STRIKER, NO!!! PILE shoots! The cap gun smokes. PILE WHOA! COOL! IT SMOKES!! JaKE (O.C.) CUT! Int. The SOCK SHOWROOM - moMENTS LATER 00020000036D00001CD5367,The final scene of the commercial. JakE (O.C.) Take 143! ACTION! SETH pretends to be shot. He does his death scene is super slow motion. SETH finally hits the ground. EMILY hovers over him. EmILY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JAKE (O.C.) CUT! THATS A WRAP!! Int. Jakes house - living room - night JAKE, his DAD, SETH, EMILY, and PILE are all gathered together in front of the television. Pile I cant believe our commercial is actually airing! EmILY I know! All that hard work is about to pay off!!! Dad Do you really think this commercial is going to help my store? JAKE Of course! And think of it this way... it cant hurt your sales because you have none! DAD That is very true. YOLONDA enters. YOLONDA Jacob William. JAKE Yolonda Pollyanna. YOLONDA I just wanted to share with you, that while I dont applaud your work ethics, I am proud of what you accomplished. 0002000003590000203C353,JAKE Thank you. YOLONDA Arent you going to apologize to me. JAKE No. I didnt do anything. YOLONDA I HOPE YOU FAIL!!! Yolonda storms out. SETH Quiet down! Its on! Int. THE SOCK SHOWROOM - commercial time Lets just save time. The commercial SUCKS! SETH just muddles through his lines, not even caring. EMILY horribly over acts! And PILE, the sweetest person ever born, cant grasp the role of the villain! Here it is anyway. Seth (V.O.) It was a warm night when she walked into the Sock Showroom. You could tell she was looking for something. Emily She... I mean, Im looking for something. SETH Well, maybe I can be of help, sweet pea. Maybe not. Whatever EMILY Listen, and listen good because Im only going to say this once! My CRAZED fiance is out to KILL ME! So Im running away to BERMUDA! Only thing is I need socks, LOTS AND LOTS OF SOCKS! 00020000030E0000238F308,EMILY begins to cry. SETH Well, youve come to the right place, doll face. The Sock Showroom carries over a thousand different styles of socks from over fifty brands. And the colors and low prices will blah, blah blah! EMILY I know this is too soon... but I feel like Ive known you my entire life! RUN AWAY WITH ME! SETH (V.O.) She was talking crazy... SETH (CONTD) Youre freaking crazy! The door opens. PILE enters. He has a long scar across his face! He has a gun! Pile YOU CANT ESCAPE ME, NATASHA! EMILY STRIKER, NO! PILE shoots. Pile That is so cool! Seth falls to the ground in super slow motion. He is dead. EMILY NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! CAPTION APPEARS - THE END? Int. JAKES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - cONTINUOUS Silence. No one knows what to say. JaKE THAT SUCKED! Pile 00020000032700002697321,ARE YOU KIDDING! THAT WAS SO AWESOME!!! Dad You kids did a nice job. Hopefully my business will show of it. EMILY I was great! I am such a good actress! SeTH What if we got famous because of this! How cool would that be! JAKE Am I the only one smart enough to notice that sucked like a porn star on the job?! Dad JAKE! What did I say about dirty similes! SeTH Who cares, Jake. It was just something to do. Waste a couple hours! JAKE I care! I directed that! Thats my creation! I think we should pull it off the air! DaD No! Advertizement is advertizement. SETH Lighten up, Jake. No one probably saw it. Ext. Main street - the NEXT DAY JAKE, SETH, EMILY, and PILE walk around their neighborhood. Seth Have you let go about that stupid commercial. JakE Yeah. Youre probably right. No one even saw it. 00020000031C000029B8316,Pile Have either of you noticed the plethora of people following us? The gang turns around. A group of ten girls and one lone boy, all teenagers, have been following them for blocks. Teen girl #1 Oh my gosh! It really is them! TeeN GIRL #2 The stars of the greatest commercial ever made! TEEN GIRL #3 Lets chase them down and make them sign stuff! Lone boy Then we can sell it on eBay! TEEN GIRL #1 GET THEM!!! A giant chase scene occurs! Ext. The SOCK SHOWROOM - mOMENTS LATER The four superstars stop in front of Jakes DADs shop. JakE We can hide in there! It will be deserted! Int. ThE SOCK SHOWROOM - conTINUOUS JAKE and his friends enter a busy store. There must be at least thirty people in the small shop. Jakes DAD is swamped at the counter. He notices his son and his friends. 00020000034B00002CCE345,DaD HEY, JAKEY! YOUR COMMERCIAL REALLY WORKED!!! End of act one Act two Black CAPTION - One Week Later Int. Town hall - eveNING JAKE, PILE, SETH, and EMILY sit at a long table in front of a swarm of reporters. Jakes DAD stands behind his son. Reporter #1 This question is for Seth. What are the future plans of your career? SETH Well, I just wrapped shooting the pilot for Bill Cosbys new show: Cosby - Plainer Than Ever. I play his precocious next door neighbor who cant seem to stay out of trouble. The reporters laugh. RePORTER #2 Pile, you played the villain in the commercial. Whats your favorite food? Pile Macaroni and chocolate sauce. But I usually dont eat that healthy. RepoRTER #3 This is for Emily. Youre wildlife preserve is one of the most successful in years. What possessed you to take that turn in your career. 00020000030F00003013309,Emily We are Gods children. And the animals are like Gods pets, and even thought we beg God for the pets, most of us dont take care of them. Well, not me. And Im not stopping at animals. My preserve team and I are planning on planting the endangers Wally Wally tree all across America. REPORTER #2 This question is for Jake. Now, you directed this landmark commercial. What is Piles show size? JakE Why are you asking me? REPORTER #2 Just answer the question. JAKE Size 12. Jakes DAD steps forward. DAD You know what they say about big shoes... Big socks! Make sure to shop at the Sock Showroom, open 14/5! Seth I think thats enough questions for today. Thank you for coming. Int. Dressing room - lateR JAKE, PILE, EMILY, and SETH try relaxing after the questionnaire. 0002000003390000331C333,JakE Can you all believe how out of control this has gotten! Emily What do you mean? JAKE The commercial! I mean, people are really overreacting about it. Someone was actually dumb enough to cast Seth on a TV show. SETH Whats that suppose to mean? JAKE Well... I just meant... I mean, you didnt even try in the commercial! SETH Are you saying I suck! JAKE No! SETH Because I really think acting is my thing! I actually care about! JAKE Just forget what I said. Why dont we all go down to Poppies Pizza and get a round of hot dogs! SETH Jake, I cant. JAKE Why not? SETH Im on television now! We start shooting tomorrow. Im moving to LA Pile Youre moving! EMILY Are you serious? SETH Yes. My plane leaves in an hour. Bye guys. Seth exits. Jake is stunned. JAKE We dont need him! Poppies Pizza, how about it Pile. 00020000034A0000364F344,PILE I cant either. Im meeting my hero. JAKE Your hero? EMILY Who is it? The President? PILE Nope. JAKE Chef Boy-Are-Dee? PILE Nope. Flava Flav! EMILY Whos that? JAKE Isnt he that rapper on the Surreal Life? Pile YEAH! I like him because he wears clocks. An awkward BEAT. EmILY Well, have fun! PILE I WILL! Pile exits. JAKE I guess its just us two. EMILY Oh, well, I was going to go protest at a company that tests its products on animals... but you can come! JAKE No thanks. I think Ill just go home and take a nice long bath. Maybe Ill slip on the soap and die. Jake exits. Emily is worried about her friend. Int. jakeS ROOM - night Jake sits on his bed watching television. His commercial comes out. Out of rage, Jake throws the remote control at the screen. It bounces back and hits Jake in the eye. Jake yelps from pain. 00020000037D00003993377,JakE Thats not realistic at all! Jake rubs his eye. He can hear a helicopter from outside his window. It gets louder and louder, as if its getting closer and closer. Jake can see the helicopter right outside his window. Jake rushes over and opens the window. PILE is seating inside the helicopter. He has a big gold clock and chain around his neck as well as a backwards baseball cap. JAKE (CONTD) PILE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! PilE HEY JAKE!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!? IM RIDING IN A HELICOPTER WITH FLAVA FLAV!!! THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! JAKE THATS GREAT! NOW GO AWAY BEFORE DESTROY MY HEARING! PILE WHAT??!! JAKE I SAID GO AWAY!!! PILE OKAY!!! ILL SEE YOU LATER, JAKE! FEEL BETTER!!! The helicopter flies off. Jake closes his window. Int. Jakes house - kitchen - the next day Jake sits at the kitchen table eating lunch. The telephone rings. Jake answers it. 00020000031800003D0A312,JAKE Hello? EmilY (V.O.) Hey, Jake. Its Emily. I just wanted to see how you were doing. JAKE I dont know. I guess Im just sort of bummed out... EMILY (V.O.) WHAT? Youre going to have to speak up!!! Im in Death Valley planting Wally Wally trees. The reception out her is TERRIBLE!! JAKE IM JUST SORT OF BUMMED OUT THAT YOU GUYS ARE GETTING ALL THESE OPPORTUNITIES!! EMILY (V.O.) I like ingenuity, too. I cant talk any longer. Must plant more trees! Emily hangs up. Jake sighs. Int. JakeS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM Jake sits on the couch watching television. Cosby - Plainer Than Ever is on. Seth is in this scene. Seth Hello, Mr. Cosby. I just moved in across the street so I thought Id check out the neighborhood. Bill cosby Well, come on in, and Ill get you some Jell-O pudding. 00020000034F0000401C349,Jake sighs. Why is he so unhappy. Yolonda enters. YoLONDA Youre so unhappy because youre jealous of them. JAKE What are you talking about. YOLONDA Youre jealous of your friends because theyre getting to do all this fun stuff. And youre sitting at home picking your nose. JAKE Thats not true. YOLONDA What a load of horse crap! You are so jealous! Are you on TV? No. Are you flying helicopters in the middle of the night? No. Are you annoying the world with your good nature mumbo-jumbo? No. JAKE Okay! I get it. I just dont get whats so special about them. The commercial sucked! YOLONDA In all honesty, it wasnt that bad! JAKE Yolonda, you know it was. YOLONDA So what if it was... Its over, let them have there fun. Its not going to last. JAKE I guess youre right. Bill COSBY (O.C.) Camille! The boy wants some Jell-O pudding! 0002000003150000436530F,The door bell rings. YOLONDA Ill get it. Yolonda answers the door. A man stands before her holding a gold statue. Man Are you Jacob Jorgensen YOLONDA Does it look like it? MAN Im hear to present Jacob Jorgensen with the Commercial Emmy for Best Director of a Single-Camera Commercial. Yes we are a real award show, we just cant afford a ceremony. Good day. The man hands Yolonda the award and exits. YOLONDA DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?! JakE I WON AN EMMY!!!!!!!! YOLONDA This is incredible!!! I told you your commercial wasnt bad! You know what this means! You have to make another! JAKE Do you really think I should? YOLONDA Yes! Get all your friends back together and make another commercial!!! JAKE Yolonda, I want you in this one! You deserve to be. At least you can actually act! 00020000033A00004674334,YOLONDA Aww, thanks bro-bro! JAKE No problem Yo-Yo! Jake and Yolonda hug. Seth (O.C.) Mr. Cosby, I think you might be legally insane! BILL COSBY (O.C.) Kid, you say the darndest things! Int. The SOCK SHOWROOM - the NEXT DAY JAKE, PILE, SETH, EMILY, and YOLONDA are gathers at The Sock Showroom. JakE WHAT DO YOU GUYS MEAN YOU CANT DO A SECOND COMMERCIAL?!?!?! SeTH Im sorry, Jake. I dont have the time. The show has been picked up for three more episodes, and Ive just landed a record deal! Im going to be the musical guest on SNL this week! JAKE Ive never needed you guys more before. Emily, Pile? What about you guys? EMILY Im going to be in Alaska all week planting Wally Wally trees. Pile And Flava Flav and I are going to Wimbledon. Were going to through things at the players. JAKE I cant believe this!! 000200000343000049A833D,PILE Sorry, Jake! I want to be in another commercial... but its Flava Flav! You cant just say no to Flava Flav. The man has power. SeTH I cant be in a commercial! Im a household name in some households! That could destroy my career! YOLONDA I didnt even know you could sing! SETH I can sing! My agent says I have the voice of a thousand screaming angels! Angels means good! Pile Sorry, Jake. EmILY Yeah, were really sorry, but we just cant! Seth, Emily, and Pile exit. YOLONDA We dont need them, Jake! Weve got each other! And thats all that matters! JakE Are you sure you still want to do this? YOLONDA Of course I do! And Ive got the perfect idea! Its dark, its edgy! Its moving, its landmark! It will mean double the success of your last commercial! JAKE Lets do it! Int. THE SOCK SHOWROOM - cOMMERCIAL TIME 00020000039A00004CE5394,Yolonda stands alone in the Sock Showroom. Shes writing in a journal YoLONDA I am Anne Frank! The Nazis are coming to take my family away! If only I had a nice pair of warm socks! Maybe Id have a fighting chance... Black The television has been turned off. Int. JAKES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - dAY Jake sits with Emily and Seth. JaKE What was I thinking!?!?! Seth turns the television back on. An entertainment program is on. Yolonda, from the commercial, is pictured in the corner of the screen. Int. Newsroom - daY News anchor What was the director thinking! The Sock Showrooms Anne Frank commercial is quite possible the most awful think ever created. I hope nothing but bad things to the director and star of that commercial. In related news. Seth Toledos first attempt at music was a debacle. On Saturday Night Live this past weekend, the television star turned rock star was caught lip-syncing. Heres a clip 0002000006F3000050796ED,Int. Saturday night live stage - night Seths voice is heard singing, but his mouth doesnt move. The audience begins to boo, jeer, and hiss (yep, all three). Seth tries to play off his embarrassment by dancing a hoe down. Seth starts to cry on stage. Int. Newsroom - conTINUOUS NewS ANCHOR This news anchor believes that after that mess, we should all forget Seth Toledo was ever involved in show business. Scratch that, lets forget he was ever born! Int. JAKES HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - conTINUOUS Seth is ghost white. JAKE Ouch! Well, at least you still have your television career. SETH Nope. Cosby - Plainer Than Ever was canceled. Reruns will be on Nick at Night quicker than you can say Jell-O Pudding and Sexual Assault. JAKE Hows your tree campaign coming along, Em? EMILY Not so great... Its turns out that the Wally Wally trees cant survive any of the climates in America, so they all are dying. And boy do they smell when they rot. Seth Wheres Pile? JAKE Oh, hes at court. Hes filed a restraining order on Flava Flav. Apparently Flav has been leaving disturbing love messages on Piles answering machine. SETH Ouch! EMILY So, I guess everything is back to normal. JAKE Almost... My dads store is still getting a lot of business. I guess its easier to buy your socks at a store that specifically sells socks. And then theres Yolonda... The front door opens. Yolonda opens covered in tomatoes and other trash that has been thrown at her. JAKE (CONTD) (to Yolonda) Another angry mob? Yolonda starts to cry. YOLONDA (sobbing) How was I suppose to know theyd find an Anne Frank commercial offensive! JAKE You need a nice, warm bath. While youre in there, you can pray youll slip on the soap and die. YOLONDA Sounds good. The end...? Yes, its the 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