TEASER

EXT. THE NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE.  ASSORTED BOXES AND FURNITURE CLUTTER UP THE YARD.  

Several moving vans pull out of the drive. 
 
DANNY is on the front steps playing a handheld video game.  He sighs from boredom and tosses the game down. 
 
DANNY
Hey mom!  I think I’m gonna take a walk. 

DANNY’S MOM
(inside the house) 
Just let me finish unpacking these clothes and I’ll drive you where you’re going.

DANNY
I’m not going anywhere, I just want to walk.

DANNY’S MOM
Why won’t you tell me where you’re going?

DANNY
‘Cause I’m just walking around.

DANNY’S MOM
What are you hiding from me?  Are you on drugs?  Who have you been hanging out with?

DANNY
God, mom!  I just want to check out the new neighborhood.

DANNY’S MOM
You mean find a new place to score.

DANNY
Stop it!  I’ll be back in a second, okay?

DANNY’S MOM
Danny, you know you can talk to me 
(more)
(cont.)
about this. Is it just weed? I better not find out you’ve been selling your ass for blow.  

DANNY
What the hell is your problem lady?  This is the safest, most boring street in the world.  What kind of trouble could I get into?

EXT. DANNY’S HOUSE AND THE MA’AD FAMILY’S HOUSE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER ON THE BLOCK.  

Ominous storm clouds roll in over the Ma’ad family home and lighting begins to strike all around.

EL (V.O.)
Honey, are you playing with that weather machine again?

The dark clouds quickly dissipate.

DR. MA’AD (V.O.)
No!

Danny is walking down the sidewalk, he’s carrying a candy bar and a fountain drink.  He stops and looks over the neighborhood.  All of the houses look the same.  His gaze stops at the Ma’ad family’s house.

CRAZY OLD MAN walks up to Danny.

CRAZY OLD MAN
Don’t even think about it kid!

DANNY
Think about what?

CRAZY OLD MAN
Don’t think I don’t know that you know what I think you’ve been thinking!

DANNY
Say what?  I don’t speak creepy old guy.

CRAZY OLD MAN
Stay away from that house, those people aren’t normal.

DANNY
They look normal enough to me.

Danny gestures to the side yard of the mansion.  The family is having a barbeque. His gaze settles on EL, STACI and ALLISION. 

DANNY
If fact, I think I might have to go say hello to my new neighbors.

CRAZY OLD MAN
No one ever goes up there.  

Danny walks up through the front gate.

DANNY
Then how do you know they’re so bad?

CRAZY OLD GUY
Don’t say I didn’t warn ya. Damn it Jim!  I’m a doctor, not a forklift! 
(turns to the side)
Don’t make me slap you bitch! 
(turns to the other side)
Shut the hell up! 
(slaps himself violently)
See!?  I told you I didn’t want to do that!

EXT. SIDE YARD OF THE MA’AD FAMILY HOME.

Danny walks up to the Ma‘ad family.  

DANNY
Hello!  Sorry I just let myself in like that…uh…I’m Danny.  Me and my mom just moved in next door.  

STACI
Hi.

DANNY
Hey.

INT. TOP FLOOR OF DANNY’S HOUSE.

DANNY’S MOM pulls back a curtain to see Danny talking with the Ma’ad family.

DANNY’S MOM
Oh, that’s nice.  Danny’s making friends with the neighbors. I wonder if they’re involved in some kind of satanic cult?  

EXT. THE SIDEYARD OF THE MA’AD FAMILY HOME.

DANNY
Well I better get back over to my house before my mom freaks.  Nice meeting you, uh…Staci right?

STACI
Yeah, Staci Ma’ad.

DANNY
Okay, well nice meeting everybody. 
 
EL
Bye Danny, nice meeting you.  Come by anytime.

DR. MA’AD
Yeah, see ya.  Or not.  Whatever.

Staci gives her father a dirty look.  

STACI
Come by later if you want to hang out, or something…we‘ve got a pool. 

DANNY
Cool. 

Danny walks away.

EL
It’s good that Staci could make a friend her own age. He has no idea what he’s getting into, does he?

DR. MA’AD
Not a clue.

JOE floats up off of his chair and drifts away.
  
Allison changes form.

El chops through a huge piece of meat and bone with a single swing from a meat cleaver.

INT. DANNY’S HOUSE

DANNY’S MOM
I see you met our new neighbors. 
      
DANNY
Yeah, this girl Staci invited me over to swim later.

DANNY’S MOM
Well be careful.  You don’t know these people, they could be mixed up in all kinds of trouble.

DANNY
God mom!  You act like they’re on the terrorism watch list or something.

EXT. THE MA’AD FAMILY HOME AS SEEN THROUGH NIGHT VISION GOGGLES.

GENERAL STERNBROW (V.O.)
Any movement on the target?

SOLDIER (V.O.)
No sir.  Looks clear for now.

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE

EXT. THE MA’AD FAMILY’S BACKYARD -- LATE AFTERNOON.  

Staci is walking into the pool house carrying her towel and 
swimsuit.  

Danny walks across the yard.  He notices a shadow in the pool house window.  

DANNY
Staci, is that…?

He opens the door and is startled by what he sees inside. 

A robot sentry spots Danny and aims its zapper at him.  He
ducks into the pool house to avoid the robot’s fire.

INT. THE POOL HOUSE.

Staci is using her towel to cover up the fact that she has 
been interrupted in the act of changing clothes.

STACI
Get out you freak!

DANNY
No!  I’m not looking!  I don’t want to see you naked, I just…there’s this…

The door bursts open behind Danny. Dr. Ma’ad walks into the pool house.

DR. MA’AD
What the hell is going on out here?!

DANNY
It was an accident!

STACI
Once is an accident, pervert.

DR. MA’AD
You’ve got three seconds…

DANNY
Until what?

EXT. THE YARD BETWEEN THE TWO HOUSES.

Danny runs to the privacy fence and climbs over.  He is being pursued by a small army of deadly looking robots.  He screams and whimpers as he tries to flee them.
 
INT. THE POOLHOUSE

DR. MA’AD
The wackos they let move into this neighborhood…

STACI
I think he’s kinda cute.

DR. MA’AD
Go ahead, Stace, give me an excuse to try out that electro-shock chastity belt.
 
STACI
I’m just saying…

DR. MA’AD 
Stop talking.  Not helping. 

ACT ONE, SCENE TWO

INT.  THE MASTER BEDROOM.  

SOUND EFFECT
Alarm clock buzzing.

EL sits up in the bed and switches the alarm off. Her face is hidden from view by an untamed mop of red hair.  

Move into a montage of El yawning, walking downstairs, making coffee, checking the answering machine and walking back upstairs with two cups.  We never see her face just the mess of hair.

El walks over to the bed and places one of the cups on the nightstand.  She downs her own coffee in a single long chug.

El turns and walks toward the bathroom.  As she approaches the door, she drops her robe. “11-92” is tattooed on the back of her shoulder. 

INT. THE SHOWER

The bathroom is filling up with steam.   The ultra high tech shower has robotic arms that hand her the soap and wash cloth. 
 
INT.  THE BEDROOM.  

El steps back into the bedroom, dressed and ready for the day.  She sits down on the bed next to her husband, Dr. Ma’ad, who is lying motionless.  

The Doctor moves just enough to hand El the empty coffee cup.  

EL
It’s time to get up.  C’mon, you’re being a lazy bum.  You can’t be that tired.

DR. MA’AD 
You wore me out last night.

EL
You’re the one who said you wanted to wrestle.

DR. MA’AD
(flexes his aching joints)
I didn‘t mean Greco-Roman. 

EL
But you said you wanted to hear grunting and moaning.

DR. MA’AD
I meant me grunting and you moaning, not the other way around.  

EL
Oh, you wanted to (BLEEP).  Why didn’t you just say so?

DR. MA’AD
I’m saying so now.

EL
Ha.  Nice try.  Get up and go to work. Someone has to pay the bills around here.

DR. MA’AD 
I’m rich. 

EL
You know those Japanese scientists work seven days a week.  They invent eighty-foot mechanical killing machines.  You invented the robotic pooper-scooper.

DR. MA’AD
You don’t mind letting it clean up all the poop do ya?

EL
Dr. Luther Cornelius Ma’ad, PhD!!  

DR. MA’AD
God that’s a mouthful.

EL
Get up this minute!

DR. MA’AD
But honey..

EL
I’ll cook breakfast if you go wake up the kids.  That means getting the twins ready too.
DR. MA’AD
Not the twins, just the ones that clean up their own poop.  I haven’t invented a robot for that yet.

EL
You promised that you’d spend time with the kids today.

DR. MA’AD
What?  You meant our kids?  Forget it, I don’t even think the kids like me that much.

EL 
They don’t like you, but you’re their father, they have to deal with it. 

DR. MA’AD
Thanks, I feel a lot better now.  

EL
Damn it Luther! I’ve done it all week and now it’s your turn.  Either you do it or I make you do it.

DR. MA’AD
I’m a grown man, Ellie, you can’t make me do anything.

EL
Remember that submission hold I showed you last night?

DR. MA’AD
We can be reasonable about this…

El jumps on him and starts a big commotion.  We don’t see exactly what happens.

DR. MA’AD
Ow!  No!  Ow!  Not the kidney! Don’t bite my kidney!  Ow!  Ahhh…dammit..okay…

EL
(sweetly) I love you honey.

DR MA’AD
(grumbling) 
Yeah, love you too.

EL 
You poor thing, you have to spend quality time with your children and then go play in your lab.

DR. MA’AD
Yeah, sure.  Piece of cake.

INT. THE TWINS’ ROOM.  

The LUCAS and PAUL are using toys and blocks to silently plan out an escape.  The twins fight over where to place a certain piece.  

ACT ONE, SCENE THREE

INT. THE MAIN HALLWAY. 

Dr. Ma’ad is groggily walking down the hall, he stops at his son’s room and knocks.  

The door unlocks and opens of its own accord. The Doctor pokes his head into the doorway. 

DR. MA’AD
Joey? Rise and shine and all that..

INT. JOE’S ROOM. 

Joe rises straight up from his bed. He rolls over slowly.  The covers slip away from him, exposing his whitey-tighties.  Joe’s eyes crack open with a torturously slow motion.  

JOE
What?  What do you want?!

DR. MA’AD
Never mind.

INT. THE HALLWAY.

Dr. Ma’ad is standing outside the door of the room occupied by his oldest daughter.  He knocks.

ALLISON
(behind the door) 
Go away Dad!!  I’m not leaving my room today.

DR. MA’AD 
Not this again.  Just come downstairs and have breakfast.

ALLISON
I have nothing to change into.  I don’t have anything new.  I never have anything new. 
 
INT. THE HALLWAY.

DR. MA’AD
So change into one of your old ones and come downstairs. 

ALLISON
(behind the door) What?  Am I just  supposed to change into the same old thing every day?  

DR. MA’AD
It doesn’t matter what you look like when you‘re here at the house.  Just change into anything and get downstairs.  

ALLISON
Anything?

The door swings open.  An exact replica of the Doctor comes out of Allison’s room.  The duplicate doc is wearing a private-school uniform: tie, white shirt and pleated skirt.

ALLISON
Is this okay? You always wanted me to be just like you.

DR. MA’AD
Cute.  

The replica (Allison) walks off down the hall.

ALLISON
Fine, don’t take me seriously.  I hope you know that you are constantly ruining my life.

DR. MA’AD
I hope your mother doesn’t think I‘ve become a transvestite.  

Dr. Ma’ad shudders visibly.  

The Doctor walks up to his youngest daughter’s door.  It is pink and decorated with fluffy clouds, unicorns, etc. He knocks and the door comes open, revealing an industrial workshop inside.  

INT. STACI’S ROOM. 

Staci is in her room working on something using heavy tools. Loud industrial sounds fill the air.

DR. MA’AD
Staci!! Come to breakfast!!!!

STACI
What?!!

The noise gives out.

DR. MA’AD
I!!! Said!!!

He hesitantly pokes his head inside the room, he looks around nervously.

DR. MA’AD
Hey Stace, honey…um…

STACI
It‘s okay dad.  None of my experiments currently “running amok.“ 
(makes quote signs in the air)  
Is it time for breakfast? Be down in a sec.

Dr. Ma’ad turns and walks off down the hall.  

STACI
By the way, Danny called last night, he might be stopping by today.  You remember him, that boy from next door who accidentally saw me half-naked.

Dr. Ma’ad twists his face into a mean snarl and for a second it looks like he’s about to say something but then he simply storms off.  

ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR

INT. THE TWIN’S ROOM.  NEAR A DOOR THAT IS SEALED OFF BY ULTRA HIGH-TECH CHILD GATES.  

Lucas is nonchalantly tossing a ball in the air.  Paul has a pacifier clamped in his teeth like it was a cigar and he is looking around nervously.  

INT. THE HALLWAY.

Dr. Ma’ad is walking down the hall.

INT. THE TWINS’ ROOM.

One of the twins turns to take note of the Doctor’s shadow moving across the wall.  

INT. THE HALLWAY.

The Doctor walks up and types a security code into the control panel.  The lasers deactivate and the doors slide away.  

INT. THE TWINS ROOM.

The ball bounces up and down on the ground as if it has just been dropped.  The twins are no where in sight.

Hesitantly, Dr. Ma’ad steps inside.

DR. MA’AD
(silly talk) Paul-Paul!  Luke-Luke!  How’re daddy’s wittle bubbas today? 

The identical toddlers are in the hiding up in the corners of the room.  They are bracing themselves between the walls.  

The twins flip off of the walls and rebound off of the beds and other furniture.  They make a dive for the open door. 
 
The Doctor jumps up and catches them both with an easy motion.

DR. MA’AD
Morn’n pumpkins!  Are you going to take it easy on daddy today?  Huh?  

The Doctor walks off carrying the twins against his chest, one on each side.  

The two boys look at each other, silently plotting together.
Move into a montage of the Doctor trying to take care of the twins.  They wrestle and bite him as he changes their diapers.  One of them leaps naked from the changing table and begins climbing the walls.  He tries to give them a bath only to have the twins pull him into the water and escape.  He chases them from room to room trying to get them dressed but they elude him by covering themselves in baby powder and standing next to a white wall.

INT. THE TWINS ROOM.

Dr. Ma’ad collapses to the floor in a heap.  His clothing is disheveled and he is both wet and covered in baby powder.

The twins are standing next to him wearing their normal clothes.  They appear neat and clean.

The twins look up at their father with sheepish grins. 

DR. MA’AD
If they got any cuter I think I’d actually vomit.

ACT ONE, SCENE FIVE

INT. THE KITCHEN

The family is sitting around the kitchen table.

Joe is sitting in his chair with his arms to his sides.  A spoon  shovels cereal into his mouth on its own. The spoon drops to the table as the last of the milk and cereal forms into a stream and jumps into Joe’s mouth.  He greedily sucks it down.

Allison nibbles from a fruit plate.  She now appears in the form of a punk girl with short pink hair.  

ALLISON
You’re disgusting.

Joe belches loudly. 

Staci tears into a pile of pancakes, slopping syrup and stray bits of food everywhere.  She pauses her feeding frenzy.  

STACI
(mouth full) 
Yeah Joey. Stop being such a pig.   
 
El shoves an eclectic assortment of foods into a blender and purees them.  She guzzles down her liquid concoction.

DR. MA’AD
Hey El, Did I have any messages on the machine?

EL
Somebody called telling you to hand over some gizmo of yours or you were gonna face utter destruction, blah blah blah…

DR. MA’AD
Let me guess, you already erased it. This is why I hate it when you check the machine!  How am I supposed to know who this is or what they want?

EL
You’re not giving anything to anybody mister. There are principles involved here.
DR. MA’AD
Principles?

EL
Yes.  For one the man who left the message sounded very rude.  

DR. MA’AD
He sounded rude.

EL
He had a tone in his voice.  I don’t like it when people leave messages like that.  

DR. MA’AD
I have to face utter destruction because you don’t like the message this guy left on the machine?!

EL
It’s your invention!  Sweetie, you’ve got to stand up to people sometimes or they’ll just walk all over you.    

DR. MA’AD
Yeah, I bet that’s what Saddam’s wife said to him.  Worked out great.
(puts head in hands) 
I’m going to my lab now.  I need to go do something constructive.

ALLISON
That’ll help, go expose your junk to a couple million rads so you and mom can pop out some more mutant babies.

EL 
Allison!  Don’t talk about your father’s junk like that.

DR. MA’AD
Allison, you kids are not mutants.  Granted, in a technical sense you’re not entirely human, okay?  But I’m convinced it comes from your mom’s side of the family.  
ALLISON
Oh right, our screwed up DNA couldn’t possibly have to do with words like “unknown radiation” and “insufficient shielding.”

DR. MA’AD
If you want to believe an official government report, go ahead.  Buy into the conspiracy.

Allison now appears as a goth girl wearing heavy black makeup.

ALLISON
Living with you is like the worst case of child abuse ever. 

Dr. Ma’ad gets up and puts his plate away.  As he passes by the twins’ high chair, one of them snatches a fork of the Doctor’s plate and tosses it to his brother.

The other twin snatches the fork from the air and begins using it to quietly disable the high-tech child restraints. 

ACT ONE, SCENE SIX

INT. THE DOCTOR’S LAB, CONTROL ROOM

The Doctor sits in his chair and turns away from the camera.  He reaches under his chair and pulls out a box.  The area around his chair is briefly lit up by the flicker of a lighter.

SOUND EFFECT
Loud gurgling sound.

 A large cloud of smoke erupts from the top of the chair.  

DR. MA’AD
(coughs) 
Yep.  ‘nother day, ‘nother dollar.

The screen in front of the Doctor comes on, displaying an image of GENERAL STERNBROW.  

GENERAL
Dr. Mad!

The doctor hastily stuffs something beneath his chair.

DR. MA’AD
What?  Who’s there?  Hey, are you a cop?

GENERAL
No, I’m not a cop! You can call me General Sternbrow!  I’m here to enforce your non-voluntary cooperation in matters regarding internationally prohibited proliferation activities.

DR. MA’AD
Ummm…that’s…what?

GENERAL
Dr. Mad, are you listening?

DR. MA’AD
Its Ma’ad.  With an “ah” sound.  Say it with me, Dr. Ma-ahh-ah-ad.
  
GENERAL
We know that you are developing a baryonic implosion beam.
DR. MA’AD
Well I don’t know what that is but it sounds wicked cool.  

GENERAL
Do you hear me?  You will not be permitted to proliferate!

DR. MA’AD
Hey, if I used protection would I have like a dozen kids here?  I don‘t think so.

GENERAL 
This isn’t a game Doc.  We have evidence that suggests you have in your possession a devastating weapon of mass destruction.

DR. MA’AD
Sure, and you guys never get that one wrong.

GENERAL
Hey, shut the hell up!  What’s your deal, anyway?  World domination?  Maybe just sell the thing to terrorists and make a quick buck.

DR. MA’AD
What?  I’m already pretty rich here, guy.  And as for holding the world hostage with a city-wrecking doomsday device, yeah, I’ve thought about it.  Hasn‘t everybody?  

GENERAL
I’m going to tell you this one time.  Either hand over the beam or you’re history doc.

DR. MA’AD
I don’t know what you’re talking about.  Besides, my wife already said that I have to stand up for myself. I usually just do what she tells me to.

 
  GENERAL
You…your wife said you couldn’t cooperate?

DR. MA’AD
I wouldn’t laugh about it.  I wouldn’t leave any more rude messages on the machine, either, if I were you.

GENERAL
I didn’t leave any rude message on your machine.

DR. MA’AD
El seemed to think it was pretty rude. 

GENERAL
How did she think it was rude?  Rude how?

DR. MA’AD
I didn’t get to hear the message, she just said that you had a tone and you sounded rude.

GENERAL
I feel that I made my point in a very professional manner.  What did she say I said?

DR. MA’AD
I don’t know what you said or didn’t say, alright! 

GENERAL
I used a forceful yet respectful tone of voice.  I don’t see how she thought it was rude.

DR. MA’AD
Look, I don’t see this conversation going anywhere productive.  Adios Captain.

Dr. Ma’ad turns off the computer screen.

The screen flashes back on, this time we see El on the display.

EL
Hi hun, you got a minute?

DR. MA’AD
Actually, I was in the middle of some really important psycho-chemical experiments…

EL
Oh, I won’t keep you then.  I was thinking that since you promised to spend time with the kids today…maybe you’d consider bending the rules a bit?

DR. MA’AD
El?  What’re you talking about?

Staci jumps in between her mom and the camera.

STACI
Can I come down and show Danny your lab?  Please daddy?  I promise that I won’t…

DR. MA’AD
Remember how we had that long talk about why Staci isn’t allowed in my lab anymore?

EL
Luther darling, aren’t you being a bit harsh?

DR. MA’AD
Is this the same the little girl whose 5th grade science project was a fission warhead?!

EL 
You have to admit that it was an ambitious project for a child her age. 

DR. MA’AD
She set it on a timer and dropped it down an abandoned mine shaft!  The government made me go in and dismantle it.  I almost died.

EL 
Aren’t you being a bit dramatic?

DR. MA’AD
That bomb would have worked!

STACI
It was only a fractional kiloton yield.

DR. MA’AD
I got it apart with three seconds on the timer!
  
EL
It would be a nice way to show Danny you’re not still mad at him. 

DR. MA’AD
Fine!  Send the little trouble makers down after lunch.

STACI
Thanks Dad!  One more thing okay? 

DR. MA’AD
What?

STACI
Please try not to freak Danny out too much.  

DR. MA’AD
I don’t even know why you’d say that!  You should know I’d never freak out any of your friends.  Especially not a boy you liked…

The Doctor pushes a button and the computer screen blanks out.  He turns around in his chair, an malicious smirk is plastered across his face and he is chuckling evilly.
 
DOCTOR MA’AD
Today might not turn out so bad after all.

EXT.  THE OUTSIDE OF THE FAMILY HOME.

A group of armed mercenaries dressed in SWAT-style gear are encircling the house.
ACT TWO, SCENE ONE

INT. THE LIVING ROOM NEAR THE FRONT DOOR.

The El opens the door and we see Danny on the other side.  

DANNY
(drooling) 
Uh…hi, Mrs. Hot, I mean Mrs. Ma’ad.  You look uh…nice…  Is Staci here?

EL
Staci!  It’s that new neighbor boy! You know, the one your father thinks is a peeping tom.   

Staci walks into view.

STACI 
Thank you mother, why don’t you go somewhere now? Maybe find out where the twins got off to.

EL
The twins?

INT. THE KITCHEN

The twins’ high chairs sit empty. 

INT. THE LIVING ROOM NEAR THE FRONT DOOR.

EL
Its been very nice seeing you again, Danny. 

El takes off running.

DANNY
So…uh…hi.  Look, I just wanted to apologize again… 

STACI
You actually came back here? You must like freak shows. Are you one of those sick people who slows down when you see a bloody wreck on the highway?

DANNY
I can’t even get a learners permit.   

STACI
Listen, about my dad, I know he’s kinda intense, but he really is a good guy.  

DANNY
Yeah, I guess he could be okay, when he‘s not trying to vaporize you.

STACI
Yeah, you just got to get to know him a little more.  He doesn’t mean to be so, you know…like he is, all the time. 

ACT TWO, SCENE TWO
 
INT. THE MA’AD FAMILY LIVING ROOM.

El walks through the room searching for the twins.  On her way out of the room she activates a security system.

Lucas and Paul are slinking along the furniture, hesitant to actually step into the room.  

The twins enter the living room, going to great lengths to avoid touching the floor.  They run along the tops of the furniture, swing from the curtains, etc.

Lucas lands on a table, jarring it and causing a nick-knack to fall on the floor.

When the object hits the floor, a series of alarms and sirens go off.  The walls, floor and ceiling open up to reveal a number of “soft” devices designed to recapture the twins.  

Lucas and Paul work their way through the gauntlet of traps.  As they reach the far side of the living room, Paul tackles Lucas to save him from one of the traps and is caught himself.

Lucas reaches the other room and turns back to see Paul being carries away by the trap.

Paul motions to Lucas, pointing to the doorway.

Lucas slowly shakes his head no.

Paul points again, making a stern face as he gestures toward the other room.

Lucas shakes his head no.  He then gets a running start and makes his way back through the gauntlet, landing on the trap that captured his brother.  

As Lucas tries to free Paul, the trap opens up and pulls him inside as well. 

As the trap carries them both away, Paul pulls the pacifier out of his mouth and shoves it in Lucas’.

ACT TWO, SCENE THREE

EXT. THE FRONT PORCH

A group of armed men is gathered on the porch. One of them rings the doorbell.   

INT. THE LIVING ROOM.

El opens the door.

TEAM LEADER
Mrs. Ma’ad?

EL
Yes?

TEAM LEADER
Is your husband home?

EL
No, but I’m expecting him back at any moment.  Would you care to come in and wait?

The team of armed men push their way through the door.  They move into position to secure the room, weapons at the ready.

Danny screams and drags Staci behind a potted plant.

STACI
You are such a girl.

TEAM LEADER
We’ve been hired to recover the baryonic implosion beam!!  Where is it?!

EL
Now there is no reason to be rude.  I’m sure if you just talk to my husband about this moronic beam thing, the two of you can come to a reasonable agreement.  You wait right there, I’ll go get us all some coffee and maybe make some little finger sandwiches.

ARMED THUG #1
Do you have any cookies? 
The Team Leader smacks Armed Thug #1.

TEAM LEADER
Listen here lady!  We have intelligence suggesting that you husband plans to sell a weapon of mass destruction to terrorists.

EL
Oh, that’s great! (whispers) He doesn’t actually sell many of his inventions, most of them end up collecting dust in his lab. 

El giggles and turns to walk away.  
    
TEAM LEADER
Lady, what the hell is wrong with you?

Allison walks into the room.  She appears in the form of a cute Asian girl.

ALLISION
Mom, these guys are like totally lame.  
(walks forward) 
They…

ARMED THUG #2 
(points his rifle at Allison)
Don’t move bitch!  You want to get shot?! 

EL 
Don’t you talk to my daughter that way!

One of the armed men moves up closer to El.  She has her back to them.  El slowly turns around.

EL
How dare you come into my house and threaten my family?

El turns all the way around.  Her face is a mask, completely without expression.  She appears stoic and calm.  

El walks up to the nearest soldier and expertly kicks the rifle out of his hands, then snatches it up and shoots him in the leg with it.  Her face remains blank as she begins to casually pop shots off at the more distant bad guys.

El uses expert marksmanship, martial arts skill and acrobatics to single-handedly route these heavily armed mercenaries.  During the fight EL kicks down doors, catches hand grenades and throws them back, snatches guns from people and uses a variety of improvised weapons.  Her face never once betrays a hint of emotion. 
 
The mercs have reinforcements come in through the windows and skylights and the house should be nicely torn up in the process. 

INT. JOE’S ROOM

Joe is sitting on a couch.  A video game controller floats in front of him. One of the armed men runs up to Joe with his weapon at the ready.

ARMED THUG #3
Don’t move punk!  Stay right there!  Now I want you to slowly…

Joe sighs heavily.

EXT. THE HOUSE.

Armed Thug #3 comes flying out of the wall with an explosion of splintering wood.

INT. THE LIVING ROOM

Danny and Staci are still crouched behind the potted plant.  Danny is sobbing and whimpering.

STACI
Will you please stop that?       

One of the bad guys runs up to Allison.

ARMED THUG #4	
Hey you!  Tell me where your daddy’s lab is at little girl!

ALLISON
Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?

Allison assumes the shape of a female wrestler or bodybuilder.  Allison the Bodybuilder grabs the bad guy and slams him around.  
INT. THE HALL OUTSIDE OF THE TWINS’ ROOM.

Two bad guys run up to the security gates and begin working on the control pad.

The safety gates slide open.  As the two men rush to the doorway, a pair of dirty diapers comes flying out of the room and strikes them in the face.  The diapers are followed by a barrage of toys and small items of furniture.

INT. THE LIVING ROOM.  

A bad guy kicks over the potted plant that hides Staci and Danny.  He looms over the two teenagers.  

Danny lets out a high-pitched squeal.

Staci reaches into her pocket and pulls out a strange-looking electrical device.  She uses her free hand to cover her eyes as she jams the device up between the bad guy’s legs.  

The bad guy screams and cries and electricity sparks up from his groin region.

INT. THE LAB

Dr. Ma’ad is using a sophisticated high tech instrument to pick at his nose hairs.  In the background we can see some security monitors and the battle playing out on them.

INT. THE HOUSE

El and the Team Leader engage in a one on one fight.  Both combatants display a high level of skill.  During one exchange, the Team Leader actually lands a blow against El.  She brings her hand up to her bloodied lip, then looks down at the blood on her fingers.  For a moment, El’s blank and detached expression fades and she smiles briefly at the Leader, nods to him approvingly and then commences to “whoop his ass.”  

ACT TWO, SCENE FOUR

EXT. THE BACKYARD.

A hidden lift platform emerges from underneath the lawn.  Dr. Ma’ad steps off of the platform and walks into the kitchen through a hole in the wall.  

The Doctor walks through the shot-up kitchen to the fridge and opens it.  He grabs a bottle of beer, opens it and keeps walking as if he hasn’t noticed the damage to his home.  

Dr. Ma’ad walks through the shot up house while sipping on his beer.  He passes the occasional bad guy as they desperately try to make their way out of the house.

INT. THE MAIN STAIRWAY.

Dr. Ma’ad is walking up the stairs.    

INT. THE LIVING ROOM.  NEAR THE FRONT DOOR. 

The remaining bad guys are climbing over each other to get out of the house.

EL 
(yelling from off screen)
You guys remember to drive safe now. 
(burst of machine gun fire)
Be sure to call next time before you come over, okay? 
(more shots) 
Bye-bye now. 
(more shots)

INT. THE MAIN STAIRWAY.

Dr. Ma’ad reaches the top of the stairs and walks over to his wife who is holding an assault rifle..

DR. MA’AD
Ellie, hun, who are we shooting at?

EL
Some kind of mercenaries or terrorists or something, they said they wanted some beam of yours.  

DR. MA’AD
I take it you said no?

EL
They were being very rude.

DR. MA’AD
And I guess all this… 
(gestures at the house) 
…happened because something triggered your Combat Psych Program?

EL
One of them called Allison the “B-word” and pointed a gun at her.  

DR. MA’AD
Oh?  Well.  I guess the bastards had it coming then.  

INT. THE LIVING ROOM

Danny is trying to sneak out of the house without being noticed.

DR. MA’AD
Hey Danny, you’re staying for lunch, right?

Danny’s eyes go wide and his face whitens with fear.

End of Episode