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THE LUNCHROOM Episode Three "Quest For the Nintendo Wii" Teleplay by Vincent Biga Story by Bruce Snyder & Vincent Biga Created by Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Bruce Snyder EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Vincent Biga EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Edward Drogos STORY EDITOR Rebecca Parker CAST LIST Will Cooper................................. Joel Mayberry............................... Brian Vandele............................... Brock Warner................................ Reicther.................................... Casey Jennings.............................. Chris Hughes................................ Ellen Conner................................ Cathy Matthews.............................. Mr. John Parker............................. Ms. Diane Ballard........................... GUEST CAST LIST Billy Dunham................................ Danny Barnes................................ Jack Costigan............................... The Store Manager........................... Cassie Stiller.............................. Colin Murphy................................ Lois Warner................................. Anne Baxter................................. Copyright © Bruce Snyder TEASER FADE IN: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - EARLY EVENING The camera is focused on the front door. After a moment we can see movement on the other side. A second later we hear someone knocking on the door. Nothing happens, after a second we can hear pounding on the door. WILL (O.S.) Open up you jerk bags! After a moment more of pounding JOEL MAYBERRY walks in from off camera and opens the door to reveal a not too happy WILL COOPER. JOEL Hey buddy, Whatcha doing? WILL Well, I was informed that this was a last minute cram session for the S.A.T.s. You know those things that determine if we get into a good college or a back water shit hole that teaches you how to properly wrestle a greased pig into submission. JOEL What do you suppose they do with the greased pig once they get finished wrestling it? WILL (while walking in) I always assumed they had sex with it. Joel begins to take notice that Will's none too happy. JOEL You don't look too happy. WILL Because I'm giving up valuable make out time with Nadine to be here. I had pretty good chance of making it to third base. I'm not even sure what that is but Chris told me it's great! Joel giggles. JOEL It's - He starts to whisper in Will's ear. Will becomes very upset. WILL The S.A.T. people owe my penis an official apology. Joel laughs. SMASH CUT TO: OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE: Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the credits. AFTER CREDITS: FADE IN: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - REICTHER'S ROOM - MINUTES LATER REICTHER and CASEY JENNINGS are sitting around a board game as a stack of books are near by. The top one we can't really make out except for the word "S.A.T.s" in big bold black letters. Will and Joel enter. CASEY (Reading off a card) Go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. REICTHER I hate Monopoly! Especially the special Star Wars edition! Darth Maul can't handle money any better than a shoe! WILL (Confused) I thought this was supposed to be a study session, but here you guys are playing monopoly? CASEY We are studying! Think about it. We're learning valuable lessons about economics here without the risk of real money or real danger. By the way Joel, you sill owe me a hundred dollars. JOEL I told you Casey, I don't have the money right now but soon man. I'll get it soon! CASEY I don't think I need to remind you that if you can't pay you'll have no choice but to sell your property. That apartment on 5th avenue is looking pretty good. JOEL Come on man! We can talk this out! REICTHER I hate this game. Reicther picks up the board and flings it into a wall; paper money is thrown about everywhere, no one really seems surprised by what Reicther has done. REICTHER Well, now that we're all here we can finally get down to business. WILL Wait, what about Brian? JOEL Brian backed out. WILL What? Why? JOEL He skipped out. In fact, he should be in line for the Wii right now. WILL I thought that thing came out months ago. CASEY Well yeah, but you forget, this is Centerville. Living in this run down hell hole it's a miracle that we even got it this decade. CUT TO: EXT. WAL-MART - SAME We see Brian wearing a backpack, approaching a group of three tents stationed outside the doors of the store under a huge "Wii Line Starts Here" sign. Three very geeky looking young men are sitting around talking. They are BILLY DUNHAM, JACK COSTIGAN, and DANNY BARNES. Brian nervously takes a seat off to the side of them, not saying anything. The other three are laughing and having a good time. After a moment Brian gathers his courage. BRIAN Excuse me... No one hears him. BRIAN (little louder) Excuse me. Still nothing. BRIAN (tapping Billy on the shoulder) Hey. The three men stop talking and they all turn to look at him all with very serious expressions. BILLY Yeah? BRIAN (very nervous) Is this the line for the Wii? BILLY Yeah, you here to get one? BRIAN Yeah. BILLY Why didn't you say so? Sit your ass down and have some hot chocolate! BRIAN You guys have hot chocolate? BILLY Of course we do! Come on, sit, sit. Brian moves to join them, still a little confused and shocked by their hospitality. BILLY What's your name anyway? BRIAN I'm Brian. BILLY My name's Billy and these two are Danny and Jack. Brian exchanges handshakes with Danny and Jack. BRIAN How long have you guys been out here? DANNY (very casually) Oh, about three days. Brian is shocked. BRIAN Three days? Why so long? DANNY Had to beat the mobs right? Brian looks around at the other people coming in and out of the store, paying no attention to the Wii line. BRIAN Yeah, I guess so. So, what have you guys been doing to pass the time? JACK Well were we're actually just playing a game of Dungeons and Dragons, but we haven't left town yet so theirs' still a chance for you to join in if you want! BRIAN (smiling) Yeah sure! CUT TO: EXT. PIZZA PLACE - NIGHT BROCK WARNER and CHRIS HUGHES are walking down the sidewalk, heading toward the front door. While Chris is dressed casually, Brock is in a more dressy attire. Chris is the in the middle of saying something to Brock. CHRIS She's a really sweet girl. She was my lab partner for Sophomore Chemistry. Plus she's REALLY into Anime which I know you love. Brock suddenly stops before going in. Chris notices this and goes over to him. CHRIS What's the matter? BROCK Why am I doing this? I can't do this. CHRIS Oh come on, it won't kill you to go out on a date. BROCK What if she hates me? I mean, I don't even have my driver's license. What woman is going to want that in a man? CHRIS Brock will you just calm down? It's okay to be nervous for a date. BROCK Chris, I've got to be honest. I've never been on a date. Hell, I haven't even been kissed yet. CHRIS That doesn't mat - BROCK (overlapping) I just not ready for this. We should just go back to my place and rock out to reruns of "Futurama." Chris puts a comforting hand on Brock's shoulder. CHRIS Brock, let me ask you something. Aren't you tired of being lonely? BROCK Well, yeah - CHRIS (overlapping) Don't you want someone to love you? BROCK Yeah. CHRIS Then have a coke and smile and shut the fuck up. Chris begins to push Brock towards the main entrance. CHRIS Just keep the conversation light and universal. Talk about school, teachers, the crummy lunches. Don't bring up your romantic past and you'll be good. Chris pushes him in. CHRIS (calling out) See you in a bit. Chris begins to walk away. CUT TO: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER The guys are all playing a video game. Will, Joel and Reicther are having a blast, Casey looks preoccupied. He keeps looking over at the S.A.T. books with a worried look. After a few seconds, he can't take it anymore. CASEY Guys...are we ever actually going to get to studying? REICTHER Yeah, yeah, right after one of us gets a hundred kills then its studying all the way. CASEY (surprised) A hundred!? That could take all night! REICTHER Don't exaggerate things. It's more like five hours. Casey throws down his controller in disgust and gets up. WILL Where are you going? CASEY I need something to drink. Casey is about to leave the room but stops. He makes sure that the others don't see him when takes all of the S.A.T. books and runs out of the room. WILL Hey, how come Chris and Brock didn't come to this thing? Are they in line for a Wii too? REICTHER Brock took the S.A.T.s last year like all the guidance consolers suggested... (scoffs) ...he's such a tool. I don't know about Chris though. JOEL He's still moody and quiet. I don't think he's over Kate yet. WILL That's understandable. REICTHER Who's Kate? JOEL Kate...Chris' girlfriend. Reicther gives him a blank stare. REICTHER Chris has a girlfriend? JOEL Well, technically not any more. REICTHER Kate dumped him? WILL No you moron, she committed suicide. REICTHER Oh, you mean Suicide Kate! What's he hung up on her about? Will and Joel give him an astonished look. WILL She committed suicide, Reicther. You know as in she killed herself. REICTHER Yeah I know, but why's he hung up on her? JOEL She died numb nuts! That's what you do when some one dies, you grieve! You grieve and listen to sad music, that's what happens. REICTHER That's stupid! JOEL How is it stupid?! Someone died! You're supposed to be sad! REICTHER Yeah, but she killed herself, people who kill themselves shouldn't have mourners it doesn't make sense. She didn't care about her life, so why should anyone else? Instead I think we should be happy and take heart that she has found some peace in her own death. You guys can be sad for her if you want but I'm not going to cry for someone who didn't even love herself just because it's the social norm to be sad after someone dies. Beat. WILL (weakly) Yeah but...she...never mind. CUT TO: EXT. WAL-MART - WII LINE - ABOUT THE SAME The four geeks are sitting around, seemingly having the time of their life. Billy and Danny are sitting next to each other, while Brian is close to Jack. Brian and Jack are enjoying cups of hot chocolate while Danny and Billy read a video game magazine. JACK Link versus Mario: who would win? DANNY Mario would kick Link's ass. BILLY Bullshit Link would ram his sword up Mario's ass before that Italian plumber fuck could say "Here we go!" DANNY Fuck you. BILLY No, fuck you and fuck your Mario loving ass. DANNY At least I'm not gay for Link! BILLY Link is not gay! DANNY He's queerer than folk. BILLY You wanna fight!?! DANNY Hell yeah! Billy and Danny start fighting each other furiously, Jack and Brian continue to sit and talk calmly. BRIAN I don't think it's really fair to compare the two, they come from very different game universes. JACK Yeah, but its just fun to watch them fight like that. BRIAN Agreed. Brian gives a big smile. BRIAN You know, Jack. This is the life. Who needs some boring test like the S.A.T.s when you have good friends and a video game system waiting for you. JACK You said it pal. They make a toast with their glasses. Brian and Jack watch as Danny and Billy struggle for a few seconds before the Store Manager walks up to their camp. STORE MANAGER Hey, you guys are here for the Wii right? BRIAN (watching fight) Yeah, that's us. STORE MANAGER Well, I've got some bad news. Billy and Danny immediately stop fighting and look up at the Store Manager. All four boys have a look of horror on their face. STORE MANAGER It turns out that I kinda read the stock schedule wrong and well, the Wii's are coming in this date next month. All four look like they are about to cry. STORE MANAGER - But I've got some good news! They all perk up again. STORE MANAGER The branch two towns over burned to the ground...seven brave employees died... The Manager trails off, looking depressed a short silence follows. STORE MANAGER (after perking up) Any-who the good news is they WERE going to get a shipment of Wii's today so the surrounding branches got their run off, this store being one of them! All the guys start smiling immediately. STORE MANAGER Yep we got ONE of them! The guys go back to being heart broken. STORE MANAGER Now, the fair thing to do would be to let the guy who got here first have it. Jack looks very exited. STORE MANAGER But that's boring as shit, so instead you'll all have an equal opportunity to earn it. The Manager starts distributing paper to the guys. STORE MANAGER Now, this is a map of the store, you will notice a path has been marked in red on it. You four will race for the Wii following this track we've marked. Its simple. At the stroke of midnight the race will officially begin, first one to get there gets the prize. Good luck you guys! The Store Manger starts to walk back in but stops. STORE MANAGER I almost forgot, we'll be playing the Rocky theme on the loudspeaker to make things a little more interesting. The Store Manager walks back inside with a smile on his face. The guys look around at each other like total strangers. JACK Well, I guess its between the three of us. Jack, Billy and Danny look at the overweight Brian and snicker before turning away from each other, studying the map. Brian looks at his former friends with a heart broken look on his face. CUT TO: INT. PIZZA PLACE - LATER Brock is sitting at a booth. A beautiful blonde named CASSIE STILLER walks up. CASSIE Hello...Are you Brock? BROCK Yes. You must be Cassie. Brock stands to shake her hand. After that they both sit and make themselves comfortable. CASSIE Sorry if I'm a bit late. BROCK It's all right. Awkward silence. CASSIE I guess we should order. Another pause as they study the menus. BROCK (V/O) Be calm. Relax yourself. You can do this. CASSIE Wanna split a pizza. I never can - VOICE (O.S.) Cassie! Cassie and Brock turn to see a very muscular jock, COLIN MURPHY approaching. CASSIE (shocked) Colin? BROCK Who? CASSIE My ex-boyfriend. COLIN Cassie I love you! CASSIE Colin I told you before. We're done with! COLIN I don't care! I love you! Losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me. She's about to say something but stops. CASSIE ...Really? Brock can't believe what he's hearing. COLIN Yeah. When we broke up I went out and got hammered. No matter how many jello shots I did or how many people I drunkenly fought I still couldn't get you out of my head. CASSIE Aw, how sweet. BROCK (to himself) You've got to be kidding me. COLIN Cassie, I'm willing to do anything to have you back. I'll even quit playing football. CASSIE You would? COLIN You brought such a light into my world that when you left it, it was nothing but darkness. Brock scoffs. BROCK Who falls for that shit? CASSIE Oh, Colin! I love you too! She jumps up and starts making out with him furiously. BROCK Apparently you do. They continue. Brock slumps down, defeated. CUT TO: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME Joel and Reicther are on the floor, each is blowing on a marshmallow in front of their face, a few feet away is a paper reading ‘finish.' Will is watching the race from the side. WILL Come on Joel kick his ass! JOEL I'm - (Joel blows on the marshmallow, moving it a few inches) JOEL - trying! REICTHER Eat my - (Reicther blows moving the marshmallow further) REICTHER Dust - Reicther blows again. They continue racing in a similar fashion until Reicther gets his marshmallow to the finishing line. REICTHER I told you! I always win marshmallow races! JOEL This is stupid! I don't know why I agreed to this! REICTHER It's because you like the taste of my dust isn't it Joel! JOEL Shut up stupid-wad! REICTHER What a great come back Einstein! JOEL You wanna fight punk!? REICTHER Bring it on! Joel and Reicther begin fighting. Will looks around as if puzzled by something. WILL Hey guys, where did Casey go? Joel and Reicther stop fighting and look around. REICTHER Hey, that's a good point where did he go? JOEL I think he went to get a drink like a couple of hours ago and never came back. REICTHER Hey, your right! Search the house, only God knows what he's doing. They all head off in different directions to find Casey. CUT TO: EXT. WAL-MART - WII LINE - SAME Everyone is sitting by themselves, not talking to each other. Each mentally preparing for the coming race. Brian is looking at the map, depressed. BRIAN (V/O) Maybe I should just leave. They're right, I can't win a race. I haven't won a race in my entire life! Brian gets a sad look and starts to pack up his things, suddenly a magic 8 ball falls out of his bag. He picks it up. He looks around to make sure no one is watching. BRIAN (whispering, while shaking the ball) Do I have any hope of winning this race? Brian stops shaking and looks at the ball. BRIAN (whispering) Outlook not so good. Brian starts to put it away, but he stops and pulls it back out. BRIAN (whispering) Can I win the race if I use all my cunning and guile? Brian checks the ball. BRIAN (whispering) You may rely on it... Brian looks over his shoulder at the other guys, and then back at the magic 8 ball with a determined look on his face. CUT TO: INT. CHRIS' CAR - A LITTLE LATER Chris is in the passenger seat, with an unwrapped, half eaten burger on his lap. On the radio, the song "Love Reign O'er Me" by The Who is playing. Chris is staring intensely at his wallet, which is in his right hand. His wallet is open to a picture of Kate Davidson. Chris sighs. Suddenly the passenger's side opens and Brock quickly sits down. Chris fumbles around, trying to hide the picture. CHRIS (nervous) Oh, hey buddy! How was your - BROCK (overlapping) Shut it, Chris. Let's just drive somewhere were I can blow off some steam. CHRIS I guess it didn't go well? BROCK No, the OJ trial didn't "go well." This was a flat out disaster. Beat. CHRIS You want to talk about it? BROCK Talk about my emotions? What am I chick? Just drive! CHRIS All right, all right. Chris starts up the car and starts to drive away. CUT TO: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - SAME Will, Reicther, and Joel opening doors, desperately seeking Casey. Joel walks up to a door and tries to open it, but it's locked. CASEY (O.S.) Go away! JOEL Casey? Are you in there? CASEY (O.S.) Yeah, now piss off! Will and Reicther walk up to Joel. WILL What's wrong? JOEL I found Casey. CASEY (O.S.) Go away! REICTHER Casey! What are you doing in my room? CASEY (O.S.) Something you guys wouldn't understand! Now go away! Will, Reicther, and Joel all look at each other. WILL What do you think he's doing? JOEL I dunno, maybe he's acting out some kind of weird sexual fantasy in Reicther's bed room. Reicther looks horrified. REICTHER What? JOEL Yeah, maybe he has a weird urge to like masturbate in his friend's room. Reicther starts pounding on the door. REICTHER Casey! Get out of there! Stop violating my room! WILL Or he might have a greased pig in there or something. Who knows, maybe our good friend Casey is a into bestiality. Reicther looks around. REICTHER Oh my god where's my dog!? Snoop! We hear a dog bark from the other side of the door, Joel and Reicther look horrified. Reicther goes insane trying to get the door open. REICTHER Casey! Get out here now! Stop sexing up my dog! WILL He's not sexing up your dog. REICTHER He's totally sexing up my dog! CASEY (O.S.) Go away! I'm trying to work in here! JOEL Oh my god he's sexing up the dog! REICTHER You leave Snoop alone! WILL He's not sexing up your! CASEY (O.S.) Snoop is staying. He understands what I'm trying to do. WILL I'll be damned, maybe he is sexing up your dog. REICTHER Casey! Get out here right now! Leave my dog alone!! CASEY (O.S.) GO AWAY!! REICTHER Casey! I will break this freaking door down! CASEY (O.S.) Try it! REICTHER That's it! This is war!! Reicther storms off, Will and Joel follow both a little puzzled. CUT TO: EXT. WAL-MART - WII LINE – A LITTLE LATER The guys are all in their sleeping bags. After a second we hear a digital alarm. It is quickly stopped and Brian's face comes on screen with dark circles under his eyes and a crazy look in his eye. He looks at the other guys to make sure he hasn't waken any of them up. Brian quietly crawls over to the sleeping Jack and carefully removes his thick glasses. Brian breaks out the lenses and puts them back on Jack's face. Brian moves on to Billy, Brian notices a bottle of soda, takes it and carefully pours something in it. BRIAN All purpose laxative. God's gift to miscreants everywhere. Brian screws the top back on the soda and crawls over to Danny. Brian looks at Danny carefully, trying to find a weakness. He then moves close to Danny's feet and ties his shoe strings together, careful not wake him. His work done, Brian crawls back into his sleeping bag with a chuckle. CUT TO: EXT. BROCK'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT Chris' car has just pulled up. Both doors open and both Chris and Brock slowly get out. Brock seems a little more relaxed then before. BROCK And then they started going at, right on the table. Chris is amazed. CHRIS So they made out right in front of you? BROCK For twenty minutes. I had to ask them kindly to leave so I could eat my dinner. CHRIS You stayed and ate dinner? BROCK You seem to be unaware of the power their breadsticks hold over me. Chris shakes his head. CHRIS That's bizarre man. What's the world coming to these days. Brock shrugs. BROCK Rarely do love and common sense, co-exist. CHRIS Sorry about setting you up with her. She seemed so...normal before. BROCK It's okay. The food was really good. Besides there's no way the night could get any worse. They've reached the front porch. Brock and Chris enter the front door. CUT TO: INT. BROCK'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Brock and Chris enter and are greeted by extremely loud music. It's Alanis Morissette's "All I Really Want." On the couch is Brock's mom, LOIS WARNER who is laughing it up with her girlfriend, ANNE BAXTER. Both have a class of champagne in their hands. LOIS Hey, there here is! BROCK What's going on? LOIS Brock, I have great news...Anne proposed to me and I said yes. Brock seems very horrified by this news. Chris is uneasy as well as he knows that Brock's night has indeed gotten worse. BROCK (fake enthusiasm) That's great. Lois and Anne seem very bubbly and jumpy about the news. BROCK (under breath) Just fantastic. CUT TO: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - SAME Reicther and Joel are holding a bar stool horizontally like a battering ram. Will is standing near by watching. Reicther gives Joel a nod. A second later the two ram the stool into the door as hard as they can. BAM! It doesn nothing except hurt Reicther and Joel. They drop the stool and hold their wrists in pain. REICTHER Boy, that was stupid! JOEL I'm in so much pain! Casey opens the door. Casey stands with a book in his hand and a shocked look on his face. The dog is running around the room barking. CASEY What's going on? REICTHER Did he hurt you Snoop!? JOEL You monster! How could you have sex with that poor dog! CASEY What are you talking about!? REICTHER Don't play dumb we know about your furry fetishes! JOEL What did you do to that poor animal you sick freak!? CASEY I didn't do anything! I was studying! Joel and Reicther are confused. JOEL What? CASEY Well, you guys weren't actually studying so I thought I would go off and study myself. REICTHER Why would you do a ridiculous thing like that? CASEY Well it is the SAT's guys. These things are kind of important you know. They could very well decided our futures. Joel and Reicther look at each other, a little touched by what Casey has just said. JOEL You know...Casey's right. We've been dicks. Big, fat, annoying dicks! REICTHER Exactly. Casey...for the rest of the night we're going to do nothing but study. Okay guys? Will and Joel agree. Casey seems pleased. WILL (under breath) Told you he wasn't having sex with the dog. CUT TO: Title Card: "Five Minutes Later..." CUT TO: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER Will, Joel, and Reicther are fast asleep on the couch. Casey is sitting on the floor in front of them, deep in studying one of the books. He takes a look back at his friends. CASEY To think...they always call me the dumb one. CUT TO: EXT. WAL-MART - WII LINE – LATER All the guys are lined up at the store entrance in a running pose. Danny hasn't noticed his shoes, Billy looks very uncomfortable, and Jack is looking around very confused. Brian looks very happy with himself and confident. The Store Manager walks up to the guys. STORE MANAGER Well boys, it looks like its almost time. We've lined the designated track with shopping carts so there will be no short cuts or cheating. I don't care who wins or how, just make sure it's a good race. The Store Manger pulls his watch up to his face. And holds up five fingers. An employee of the distance takes this as a que and the Rocky theme plays over the intercom system. The Store Manager starts lowering fingers, while all the guys look very tense. The Store Manager drops his last finger and throws down his arm, signaling the start of the race. All the guys start to run forward, Danny trips on his tied shoe laces right away and falls to the ground. Brian and Billy start running the race, Billy, obviously very uncomfortable. Brian and Billy continue running for the electronics Section. Passing through the toy section Brian grabs a fun noodle from a nearby display and begins to beat Billy with it who tries his best to bat it away, all the while his face grows even more and more pained. We now see that they are now near the end of the race, the electronics department is in sight with a giant sign that reads "Wii here!" There are also a ton of employee's around the finish cheering them on. The camera pans slightly to see that the restrooms are very close as well. Billy looks between the two with a conflicted look on his face. After a few moments of torture Billy runs for the men's room. Billy now out of the race Brian begins to rejoice as he nears the finish, throwing his arms up in the air with great enthusiasm. Suddenly we see Danny running full sprint after Brian. Danny is swinging his sabotaged shoes around his head like a mad man, he throws the shoes at Brian's feet like a weapon. The shoes wrap around Brian's ankles, causing him to trip, falling into a display shelf nearby. Danny passes Brian, laughing at him as he does so. Brian looks up, defeated, heart broken, when SUDDENLY! A magic 8-Ball falls from the shelf he knocked over, he picks it up and looks at it. BRIAN Out look not so good, douche bag. Brian throws the Magic 8 Ball as hard as he can. It nails Danny in the back of the head, breaking it into a million little piece. Danny falls to the floors, just feet from the finish. Amazed Brian gets up and starts hopping towards the finish, employees cheering on this amazing upset. Brian gets to the main counter where his Wii is waiting, a smiling cashier ready to take his money. CASHIER That'll be $250 sir. A smiling Brian reaches for his wallet. VOICE (O.S.) (whispering) What a loser. VOICE #2 (O.S.) Racing for some stupid game system. Out of the corner of his eye, Brian spots two teenage EMPLOYEES of the store. They're laughing at Brian. EMPLOYEE #1 (whispering) I guarantee he's going to be leaving at home when hits forty. EMPLOYEE #2 (whispering) Dude, quiet. He might hear you. EMPLOYEE #1 (whispering; sarcastic) I'm sure the girls are really going to be impressed by his gaming skills. The two employees start to laugh. Brian begins to look around. We can see Jack still stumbling around the entrance of the store without his glasses, we see the bathroom door open to reveal a pained Billy who rushes back into the room a second later. The camera pans to Danny who is crying on the floor in defeat. CUT TO: INT. BEDROOM - DAY (BRIAN'S FANTASY) Brian is now around forty. He's really let himself go: he's even more overweight then before, he's going bald, and is wearing stained clothes. None of this matters as he is laughing it up while playing his Wii. BRIAN Who needs a social life or a girlfriend when you have a Wii? A big smile comes across his face. CUT TO: INT. WAL-MART - PRESENT Brian looks horrified at the glimpse of the future he just received. the crowd of employee's are still cheering him on, except the two teenage ones. CASHER That'll be $250 sir. Brian looks around, conflicted. CASHER Sir? Did you hear me? Just give me your money and the Wii is yours. EMPLOYEE #1 (whispering) You can even keep your virginity. Employee #2 tries to quiet the first one. Brian finally snaps. BRIAN No! Brian grabs the box, throws it on the ground and starts stomping on it. BRIAN No! I don't want to be fat! I don't want to get bald! I won't want to live in my basement! And most importantly I want to fuck someone! Brian keeps stomping on the box for a few more moments, finally he calms down a bit and looks around at everyone looking at him, absolutely shocked. He looks down at the destroyed wires and plastic at his feet. BRIAN Oops... FADE TO BLACK. FADE IN: INT. REICTHER'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NEXT MORNING Reicther is sitting on the couch watching TV. After a moment Will and Joel come in to join him. We can see from their messy hair that they both just woke up. They all sit in silence for a moment, watching TV. WILL So...did we over sleep and miss the S.A.T.s? REICTHER Yup. It looks like they should be writing their names right about now. JOEL Wow, I can't believe we did that. WILL I kind of saw it coming. REICTHER I didn't see this coming per say, but I can't say that I'm totally surprised. We hear the door bell. REICTHER (shouting) Come in! We hear the door open and close. A few moments later a beaten up Brian comes in and sits on the couch too. No one seems to notice at first. JOEL So what happened to you? Did you get the Wii? BRIAN No, I had a mental break down at the last second and destroyed it... then they made me pay for it since I broke it...then they beat me up. JOEL So you waited in line, paid the $250 dollars and all you gained was an ass kicking? BRIAN Yep. Beat. REICTHER Sucks to be you. BRIAN Sure does. Joel looks around. JOEL Hey, where's Casey? All the guys look around. REICTHER Great Scott! He must have made it to the S.A.T.s. WILL What a trooper. JOEL That is one dedicated son of a bitch. FADE TO: (BEGIN SONG: The Doors' "Five to One") INT. S.A.T. TESTING CENTER - SAME Tables are packed with students, writing away. Near the back corner there is a table with Casey. He's got his head rested on the table as he snores away. Suddenly a small stream of drool starts to fall onto his testing sheet. Some of the students near by look on in disgust. FADE OUT. (Song continues over credits.) END OF EPISODE
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