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                          THE LUNCHROOM                                
                               
                          Episode Five
                   "Home Is Where the War Is"

                                
                           Written by
                    Alan Holman & Bruce Snyder
                                
                               
                           Created by
                          Bruce Snyder                                
                                
                                
                                
                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Bruce Snyder
                                
                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Vincent Biga
                                
                          STORY EDITOR
                        Melinda Waterman
                                 
                       CONSULTING PRODUCER
                          Edward Drogos
                                
                       CONSULTING PRODUCER
                           Max Majernik                               
 





                                 CAST LIST

		Will Cooper.................................
		Joel Mayberry...............................
		Brian Vandele...............................
		Brock Warner................................
		Reicther....................................
		Casey Jennings..............................
		Chris Hughes................................
		Stacy Cifaretto.............................
		Ellen Conner................................
		Cathy Phenis................................
		Mr. John Parker.............................

 
                              GUEST CAST LIST

		Joseph Said.................................
		Brandon Brim................................ 
		Kirk Hoey................................... 
		Principal Stevens........................... 
 		Dr. Richard Gorman..........................
		Ms. Diane Ballard...........................
		Jesus.......................................









     Copyright © Bruce Snyder 

     TEASER

     FADE IN:

     INT. GEOGRAPHY CLASS - DAY

     Reicther talks with an Iraqi boy named JOSEPH SAID, 15 
     medium height light brown skin, at the back of the 
     classroom.

                                REICTHER
                    So you're from Iraq?

                                JOSEPH
                    Yes.

                                REICTHER
                    What's that like?

                                JOSEPH
                    It's home.

                                REICTHER
                    Do you like it in Iraq?

                                JOSEPH
                    Yes.

                                REICTHER
                    Will you ever go back to Iraq?

                                JOSEPH
                    Yes.

                                REICTHER
                    Even though we bombed the bajesus out 
                    of your country?

                                JOSEPH
                    When I return, I will join the army, 
                    and re-build.

                                REICTHER
                              (sarcastic)
                    And bomb the bajesus out of America?

                                JOSEPH
                    No.

                                REICTHER
                    That's good. Why would you join the 
                    army anyway?

                                JOSEPH
                    I must do it.

                                REICTHER
                    Why? Are you being forced into it, 
                    or something?

                                JOSEPH
                    You could say that.

                                REICTHER
                    You could get shot.

                                JOSEPH
                    What?

                                REICTHER
                    Someone might shoot you.

     Joseph gets a look like he's never even considered that.

                                JOSEPH
                    Leave me alone.

                                REICTHER
                    Okay. Sure. I'll leave you alone. 
                    My country's better than your 
                    country anyway.

                                JOSEPH
                    Is not.

                                REICTHER
                    Is so.

                                JOSEPH
                    Is not.

                                REICTHER
                    Is so.

                                JOSEPH
                    Is not.

                                REICTHER
                    Is so.

                                JOSEPH
                    Is not.

                                REICTHER
                    Is so.

     Joseph stands up, and walks away.

                                REICTHER
                             (snickers)
                    Wimp.

								CUT TO:

     OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:

     Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the 
     credits.

     AFTER CREDITS:

     INT. LUNCHROOM - DAY

     TITLE CARD: "Monday"

     There are DOZENS of people in the lunchroom, setting up 
     BOOTHS. Some of the Booths read: "Stages of Woman Hood" 
     "Get Your Hearting Tested" "Blood Pressure Hazards." 
     Basically all the booths contain something about health.

                                STEVENS (O.S.)
                              (over P.A.)
                    Good morning, Centerville High 
                    school students. This is Principal 
                    Stevens here to remind you that 
                    this is Indiana Health Week. So 
                    there will be booths in the 
                    lunchroom all week and students are 
                    highly encouraged to visit them. 
                    Also there be some fitness booths 
                    in the gym and this year Reid 
                    Hospital will be offering Bird Flu 
                    shots in the Nurse's office, 
                    courtesy of Dr. Gorman. That will 
                    be all.

								CUT TO:

     INT. HALLWAY - MORNING

     MR. JOHN PARKER and MS. DIANE BALLARD are standing to 
     one side of the hallway. Beside them there is a sign 
     which reads, "Sex Survey." Dozens of students are 
     walking up to it, taking a survey, then walking away. 
     Parker seems depressed.

                                PARKER
                    All those years in college...
                    thousands of dollars...just hand 
                    out sex surveys.
                               (pause)
                    My mother would be proud.

								CUT TO:

     INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     BRIAN VANDELE and BRANDON BRIM are standing in the 
     middle of an empty hallway. Brandon has a digital camera 
     in his hands which he is fiddling with.

                                BRANDON
                    All right, now...I want you to 
                    pretend to walk...and then, act 
                    like you're talking to someone.

     Brian seems confused.

                                BRIAN
                    Why?

                                BRANDON
                    To show the daily day to day 
                    activities of youth in small town, 
                    a town that hopes and dreams have 
                    diminished that only power of God 
                    can help them.

     Brian seems confused.

                                BRIAN
                               (faking)
                    Oh! I get it know.

     Brandon takes some pictures. Suddenly CASEY JENNINGS and 
     BROCK WARNER turn the corner. We notice that the eye 
     patch Casey use to wear is now gone.

                                CASEY
                    What's so horrible about living 
                    with me?

     Brock sighs.

                                BROCK
                    I didn't say horrible. Just...
                    "weird."

                                BRIAN
                    Hey, guys.

                                BROCK
                    Hey.

                                CASEY
                    Brian, do you think I'm hard to 
                    live with?

                                BRIAN
                    Uh, what do you mean?

                                CASEY
                    Brock is considering moving out.

                                BRIAN
                    What?

                                BROCK
                    Well since I couldn't live with 
                    Reicther I moved in with Casey and 
                    well...I'm not sure If I want to 
                    live there anymore.

                                CASEY
                    He won't he even tell me why!

      Both turn to see Brandon, who seems a bit awkward to be 
      seeing this.

                                BRIAN
                    Guys this is my friend, Brandon 
                    Brim. He's the president of the Art 
                    Club.
                               (points)
                    Brandon this is Casey Jennings and 
                    Brock Warner.

                                CASEY & BROCK
                    Hi.

                                BRANDON
                    Hello. Uh, Brian we're pretty much 
                    done for now.

                                BRIAN
                    Okay. I'll see you tomorrow after 
                    school.

                                BRANDON
                    Cool. See you then. Goodbye, Casey 
                    and Brock.

     Brian, Casey, and Brock begin to walk away.

                                BRANDON
                    Christ be with you.

     Casey and Brock stop, confused. Casey turns back to 
     Brandon, puzzled.

                                CASEY
                    What?

                                BRANDON
                    Christ be with you.

     Still puzzled Casey nods his head and turns.

                                CASEY
                            (to himself)
                    That was odd.

     He, along with Brock, begin to walk away. They manage to 
     catch up with Brian.

                                CASEY
                    What's up with this guy, Brim?

                                BROCK
                    Seems a bit odd.

                                BRIAN
                    He's really religious. He's a youth 
                    minister. He wants to go to this 
                    Religious College to study theology.

                                CASEY
                    Kinda surprised he's friends with 
                    you. What with the swearing and all.

                                BRIAN
                    Fuck you Casey.

                                CASEY
                    See.

     Brian shrugs it off.

                                BRIAN
                    I don't know why, but he's really a 
                    cool guy. And he says he likes the 
                    idea of mentoring someone younger.

                                BROCK
                    That's what the priests said about 
                    the little boys.

                                BRIAN
                    Will you guys just can that shit.

     Brian walks off.                   

								CUT TO:

     EXT. SIDEWALK - AFTER SCHOOL

     Joseph is walking down the sidewalk, with his hands deep 
     inside his pockets. He is staring down, deep in thought.

                                JOSEPH (V/O)
                    Is my country really that bad?
                               (pause)
                    No, that stupid American boy was 
                    just probably trying to scare me.

     Joseph comes to a NEWSTAND. He stops and begins to take 
     a look around. He stops and his eyes get big.

     CLOSE UP ON NEWSPAPER #1:

     It reads: "4 Cities Bombed in Iraq; 51 Killed."

     CLOSE UP ON NEWSPAPER #2:

     It reads: "Destroyed Homes in Iraq: An Increasing 
     Problem."

     CLOSE UP ON NEWSPAPER #3:

     It reads: "The Shit Hits the Fan for Iraq."

     After reading this headlines, Joseph sighs and begins to 
     walk away.

                               JOSEPH (V/O)
                    So what. I'm sure those magazines 
                    are just exaggerating.

     Joseph continues to walk until he stops in front of a TV 
     store. All of the TVís are showing news stories about 
     Iraq. All of the footage seems to be of bad things: 
     destruction of homes, people getting pushed around by 
     soldiers, explosions.

     Joseph watches, terrified. He then walks away with his 
     eyes wide open.

								CUT TO:

     INT. OFFICER - WAITING ROOM - DAY

     TITLE CARD: "Tuesday."

     Casey and Brock are sitting next to a door, that has a 
     sign which reads "Bird Flu Vaccines." 

                                CASEY
                    Brock?

                                BROCK
                    Yes.

                                CASEY
                    You ever heard that saying "god 
                    hates fags?"

                                BROCK
                            (a bit annoyed)
                    Yes.

                                CASEY
                    Do you think he also hates 
                    metrosexuals and bisexuals?

     Brock begins to give him a long, hard look. Suddenly 
     STACY CIFARETTO comes out rubbing her arm.

                                BROCK
                    How was it?

                                STACY
                    It was a shot. How do you think it 
                    felt? It stung like hell.

     She leaves holding her arm. The door opens again and 
     DR. RICHARD GORMAN comes out.

                                GORMAN
                    Okay, who's next?
                              (to Casey)
                    How about you?

                                CASEY
                    Is, um, it okay if I just skip the 
                    shot?

     Gorman's face turns into one of shock and horror.

                                GORMAN
                    Skip the shot?

                                CASEY
                    Yeah. I mean no one around here 
                    really gets the bird flu. It's not 
                    that important.

     Gorman stares at him with his mouth wide open.

                                GORMAN
                    You ignorant little son of bitch! 
                    Not important!? Do you even know 
                    what the bird flu is?!

                                BROCK
                    Flu from a bird?

                                GORMAN
                    Well...yeah. But still, this isn't 
                    any normal flu. This flu can get 
                    into your immune system and easily 
                    KILL YOU!

     Casey jumps. Brock gives him a look.

                                CASEY
                    Sorry, but he was being dramatic.

     KIRK HOEY, a pothead, enters the waiting room. He seems 
     a bit dizzy. Suddenly, he passes out. Gorman rushes over 
     to him.

                                GORMAN
                    Boy, are you all right?

                                KIRK
                    Having a hard time...breathing.

                                GORMAN
                    Oh sweet chocolate Christ!

                                CASEY
                    What?

                                GORMAN
                    Breathing troubles are the first 
                    sing of the bird flu.

                                BROCK
                             (annoyed)
                    Oh for God's shake.

                                GORMAN
                              (to Kirk)
                    Now son...I want you to describe 
                    everything your feeling.

                                KIRK
                    I feel like I'm running millions of 
                    miles but not moving at all...at 
                    the same time.

     Brock and Casey seem confused.

                                GORMAN
                    Delusion. Sign number two.

                                BROCK
                    You know...he's pretty much a 
                    walking drug store. I think he may 
                    very will just be having a bad 
                    reaction to it.

     Gorman laughs at him.

                                GORMAN
                    You religious people and your 
                    excuses.

                                BROCK
                              (confused)
                    What?

                                KIRK
                    I'm getting cold!

                                GORMAN
                    Wait right there son!

     Gorman gets up.

                                CASEY
                    Where are you going?

                                GORMAN
                    I'm going to saved to this boy's 
                    life.

     He runs off.

                                STACY
                    Aw, that's cute. He thinks he's 
                    important.

     Kirk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a RED PILL he 
     swallows it and after a few seconds a look of relieve 
     comes across his face.

                                KIRK
                    All better.

								CUT TO:

     EXT. REICTHER HOME - AFTER SCHOOL

     Reicther walks up to his doorway. He opens the door and 
     enters.

     INT. REICTHER HOME - KITCHEN - MINUTES LATER

     Reicther enters and lets out a sigh of tiredness. He 
     walks toward the refrigerator. By this time, we notice 
     JOSEPH sitting on the counter. He is eating a bag a 
     chips.

                                JOSEPH
                    You do not look good. You seem 
                    depressed.

     Reicther looks up. His mouth wide open.

                                REICTHER
                    How did you get in my house!

                                JOSEPH
                    Screen door was unlocked. Don't 
                    worry I locked it so nobody can get 
                    in.

                                REICTHER
                    Okay then...WHY are you in my 
                    house!?

                                JOSEPH
                              (off chips)
                    Living the American dream.

     Reicther seems stunned. He closes his mouth, and quietly 
     goes over to the phone.

                                REICTHER
                    What's the number for the police?

                                JOSEPH
                    911.

                                REICTHER
                    Hmm...They may be busy.

                                JOSEPH
                    Wait! There's no need to call 
                    police. There's no crime going on 
                    here.

                                REICTHER
                    You broke into my house.

                                JOSEPH
                    Okay, maybe one -

                                REICTHER
                    You eating my food without my 
                    permission...that's stealing.

                                JOSEPH
                    Okay, okay. I get it. I fucked up.

     Slight pause.

                                REICTHER
                    What do you want Joseph?

                                JOSEPH
                    Well, I did have something to ask.

                                REICTHER
                    Which is?

     Joseph gets into a serious tone.

                                JOSEPH
                    I need you to hide me.

                                REICTHER
                               (confused)
                    Hide you?

                                JOSEPH
                    Yes. In three days, I'm suppose to 
                    back to Iraq. At first, I was 
                    excited to return. But then, today 
                    you reminded about how bad it was 
                    over there.

     Reicther realizes what he's done.

                                REICTHER
                    Oops.

                                JOSEPH
                    Please! You've got to help me.

     Reicther seems uneasy.

                                JOSEPH
                    I'll be real quiet! I'll sleep in a 
                    tent in your woods.

                                REICTHER
                    Well, I guess since -

                                JOSEPH
                    PERFECT! And don't worry, I already 
                    set up tent up last night. I just 
                    came in to grab some food.

     Joseph grabs a bag of Oreos and two bags of chip from 
     the counter and quickly leaves the room. Reicther seems 
     a bit confused by this.

								CUT TO:	

     INT. LUNCHROOM - BEFORE SCHOOL

     Title Card: "Wednesday."

     Will, Joel, Brian, Brock, Casey, Reicther, and Chris are 
     sitting around the table filling out the sex survey.

                                BROCK
                              (reading)
                    How often do you masturbate?

      Everyone begins to look at one another.

                                CASEY
                    Like in a day...or a week?

                                BROCK
                    I think week.

      Pause.

                                JOEL
                           (embarrassed)
                    Probably...three times for me.

                                BRIAN
                            (under breath)
                    Seven.

                                CHRIS
                    What?

                                BRIAN
                    Seven, okay! Ya' happy you British 
                    prick!

                                CASEY
                    Five.

                                BROCK
                    Two.

                                CHRIS
                    One.

                                WILL
                    What's seven times fourteen?

                                JOEL
                    Jesus! That much?

                                WILL
                    ...No. I'm trying to solve another 
                    question.

     Everyone "oh"'s.

                                WILL
                    What? You really think I do that 98 
                    times a week? I would have a blood 
                    cut off to my brain if I did that.

                                CASEY
                    What about you Reicther?

                                REICTHER
                    Zero.

                                JOEL
                    Zero?

                                WILL
                    That's bullshit.

                                REICTHER
                    What?

                                WILL
                    There's studies saying that it's 
                    impossible to find a male who's 
                    never masturbated.

                                REICTHER
                    Well, I've just done the impossible.

                                BRIAN
                    Never?

                                REICTHER
                    Yep.

                                CASEY
                    No wonder. Look how weak his upper 
                    arm is.

     Everyone laughs.

                                WILL
                    I'm amazed, Reicther. You have a 
                    lot of control...that or we're just 
                    perverts.

     Chris shakes his head at some of the questions.

                                CHRIS
                    Look at some of these questions...
                    How many sexual positions have you 
                    tried?

                                BROCK
                             (reading)
                    Have you ever had a sexual 
                    attraction to someone of the 
                    opposite sex?

                                CASEY
                              (reading)
                    When were your earliest experiences 
                    with the following: petting, 
                    necking, kissing, hugging?

     Will is looking off camera when he is suddenly hit with 
     an idea.

                                WILL
                    Somebody give me an eraser. I'm 
                    going to put a fake name on this.

                                JOEL
                    Why?

     A smile comes across his face.

                                WILL
                    Because I plan on giving these guys 
                    the most disturbing reading of 
                    their lives.

     The bell rings and gang go their separate ways.

								CUT TO:

     INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

     Reicther enters the hall and almost immediately stops. 
     There is a POLICE OFFICER standing, talking with ELLEN 
     CONNER. Reicther looks down and notices that the officer 
     is holding a picture of Joseph. Ellen shakes her head 
     and the officer leaves.

     Reicther approaches Ellen.

                                REICTHER
                    Um, what did that uh, officer want?

                                ELLEN
                    Didn't you hear?

                                REICTHER
                    Hear what?

                                ELLEN
                    Do you know the Iraq exchange
                    student, Joseph?

                                REICTHER
                    Yeah.

                                ELLEN
                    He's gone missing. The police are 
                    searching all over town for him.

                                REICTHER
                               (scared)
                    The police?

                                ELLEN
                    Yep. This is probably a major 
                    foreign affair problem. I wouldn't 
                    be surprised if the FBI start to 
                    snoop around here.

     Reicther's eyes get wide.

                                REICTHER
                         (even more scared)
                    The...FBI?

                                ELLEN
                    Yeah. Or some form of higher 
                    government to find the asshole that 
                    took him.

     Ellen leaves Reicther by himself. Reicther continues to 
     stand for a while and just stare off at nothing. He 
     seems to be stricken with fear.

                                REICTHER
                    I...am so dead.

     								FADE TO:

     INT. HALLWAY - LATER

     TITLE CARD: "Thursday."

     Will and Chris are walking toward the office. Will is 
     filling out his fake sex survey. He starts to laugh over 
     it.

                                CHRIS
                    I think your finding this a bit too 
                    funny, Will.

                                WILL
                    Oh, there's no such thing, Chris. 
                    Now which is more disturbing: 
                    sleeping with a mother or sleeping 
                    with a sister?

     Chris gives him a look.

                                CHRIS
                    I don't even have an opinion.

     Suddenly TWO BOYS quickly come up and push them out of 
     the way.

                                WILL
                    Jeez.

                                CHRIS
                    People. They're so rude around 
                    here.

     They reach some doors and walk into the OFFICE.

									CUT TO:

     INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

     Will and Chris enter where there's about 25 DIFFERENT 
     STUDENTS all gathered around. They're all talking, with 
     most seeming scared and worried.

                                CHRIS
                    What's going on here?

                                STUDENT #1
                    Didn't you hear? Someone got a case 
                    of the bird flu yesterday. Now 
                    everyone wants to get a shot.

                                WILL
                    Someone got the bird flu?

                                STUDENT #1
                    Yeah. That guy.

     Student #1 points to Kirk's picture on the wall, which 
     below it reads: "Beware. Contagious."

                                WILL
                    Well, that pretty much explains it.

     Suddenly, Dr. Gorman pops his head out from the door.

                                GORMAN
                    I hate to alarm everyone but we 
                    only have a few shot left.

     Panic starts to set. Everyone seems to talk at once. 
     Mr. Parker emerges and tries to get everyone's 
     attention.

                                PARKER
                    Hey! Hey! Everyone just calm down 
                    now. We're going to figure out a 
                    way to this in a very simple way.

     Pause. Everyone quiets down.

                                PARKER
                    Which is the teachers will get the 
                    last shots.

     Everyone seems to outraged and protests.

                                PARKER
                    Hey! This is should teach a very 
                    important lesson...which, um, YOU 
                    SNOOZE, YOU LOSE!

     Parker runs into the room leaving a very angry crowd.

								CUT TO:

     INT. CLASSROOM - SAME

     Joel and CATHY PHENIS are sitting near the back. Joel is 
     busy reading from the textbook. Next to him sits Cathy 
     who is filling out the sex survey. Joel begins to lean 
     over and we notice that Cathy is circling all the 
     "yes"'s. Joel seems to be intrigued. 

     He slowly tries to lean in more to get a better look. 
     After a few seconds Cathy finally looks up and notices 
     Joel. She quickly covers her answers.

                                CATHY
                    What are you doing?

                                JOEL
                    Um...nothing.

     The bell rings. Cathy smiles at him and begins to leave. 
     Joel seems puzzled.

                                JOEL
                    Wait!

     He follows her.

								CUT TO:

     INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

     Cathy leaves the room, while Joel right behind her.

                                JOEL
                    Were you messing with them?

                                CATHY
                    What do you mean?

                                JOEL
                    On your sex survey. I noticed you 
                    were circling a lot of the "yes" 
                    column.

                                CATHY
                    Yep.

                                JOEL
                    Well, you were just messing with 
                    them, right?

     As a big smile comes across her face as she remains 
     silent.

                                JOEL
                    Don't do that, it makes me worried 
                    and nervous.

                                CATHY
                    I know.

     She walks off.

									CUT TO:

     INT. REICTHER HOME - KITCHEN - NIGHT

     Reicther is walking back and forth. He is in deep 
     thought. Near by sitting at the counter, sits Joseph. He 
     is eating a homemade pizza.

                                JOSEPH
                    And you know what else I don't 
                    get...this Tupac.

     He chews while thinking.

                                JOSEPH 
                    Did he like record 8 records before 
                    he died or what?

                                REICTHER
                    Joseph, I'm getting really nervous 
                    about having you here.

                                JOSEPH
                    Is because I'm Iraqi?

                                REICTHER
                    No, it's actually the fact that the 
                    government is probably after you.

                                JOSEPH
                    I think you're a bit paranoid. Your 
                    watching too many "Sex Files."

                                REICTHER
                    Do you mean "X-Files?"

                                JOSEPH
                    That's what it's called?

     Reicther sighs.

                                REICTHER
                    Look, Joseph. I think I should just 
                    go downtown and tell them you're 
                    here.

                                JOSEPH
                    NO!!!

     Joseph lunges forward and holds on to Reicther's 
     shoulders.

                                JOSEPH
                    For the love of G-d, you can't let 
                    me go back! I don't want to!

     Reicther still seems conflicted.

                                JOSEPH
                    Please! Just for another day or two 
                    and I'll got out on my own.

     Long pause.

                                REICTHER
                    Fine. But if FBI comes back, I'll 
                    throw you head first in their 
                    direction.

     Joseph takes a deep breath.

                                JOSEPH 
                    Oh, thank you. You know if you were 
                    an ignorant white American I might 
                    call you my friend.

                                REICTHER
                    Um...thanks. I guess.

     Joseph goes back to the counter.

                                REICTHER
                    I need something to calm my nerves.

     Reicther walks over to the fridge and opens it. He 
     begins to search the fridge as a puzzled look comes 
     across his face.

                                REICTHER
                    Hey, where's my Apple Juice?

     Pause.

                                JOSEPH 
                    I drank it.

                                REICTHER
                    Where's my left over bacon.

     Pause.

                                JOSEPH
                    I ate it.

                                REICTHER
                    Where's my special homemade piece 
                    of pie?

     Pause.

                                JOSEPH
                    Tried to eat it. But it wouldn't 
                    stay down. So the dog ate it...then 
                    passed out into the backyard.

     Reicther seems a bit upset. As if he was having second 
     thoughts.

								CUT TO:    

     INT. ANOTHER HALLWAY - NEXT DAY - AFTERNOON

     Title Card: "Friday Afternoon."

     Brock and Casey are walking toward the exit.

                                CASEY
                    Please!

                                BROCK
                              (sighing)
                    Fine. I'll stay with you another 
                    couple of days.

     Casey smiles.

                                CASEY
                    Trust me Brock. You won't regret 
                    this. Tonight is Taco night. And I 
                    dare you to tell me one thing that 
                    is better then a taco.

     Brock rolls his eyes. As they walk they pass a booth. It 
     reads: "Turn In Surveys Here." Will is going over his.

                                CASEY
                    So what the final result of your 
                    survey, Will?

                                WILL
                    Okay. Let me tell you. My name is 
                    Carlos Escobar. I'm fourteen. I'm 
                    Spanish and half Jewish, half 
                    Catholic, half Atheist. I've had 
                    thirteen sexual partners. Seven 
                    women, six men. When I was younger 
                    I had to take medication because I 
                    had certain sexual "fits." I have 
                    the clap and herpes A and I have 
                    not told any of my partners any of 
                    this. I have also done things I'm 
                    not proud of for money and personal 
                    things. I also an unhealthy 
                    relationship with my mother, Carla 
                    and my sister Carmen.

     Pause. They look stunned.

                                BROCK
                            (speechless)
                    Jesus Christ...how long did he take 
                    you to write that?

                                WILL
                              (proud)
                    About an hour.

     He drops it into the pile.

     								FADE TO:

     INT. BALLARD'S ROOM - AFTER SCHOOL

     Ballard is standing by her desk writing on a piece of 
     paper. Parker enters.

                                PARKER
                    Do we have rehearsals tonight?

                                BALLARD
                    Nope, we get the night off since 
                    it's Friday.

     Parker nods and looks around the room. He notices the 
     big stack of Sex Surveys.

                                PARKER
                    Are those the...sex surveys?

                                BALLARD
                    Yep. Over 150 of them.

     Brief pause. Both are now staring at the stack.

                                PARKER
                    Have you...read any of them?

                                BALLARD
                    Read them? God no. These are 
                    suppose to be confidential surveys.

     She again looks at the stack, this time she begins to 
     bit her lower lip a bit. As temptation has come upon 
     her.

                                PARKER
                    Oh, right.

     Parker leans in a bit toward the survey.

                                PARKER
                    You know, from here it looks like 
                    that persona on top circles a lot 
                    of "yes's."

     She begins to nibble on her fingernail, still fighting 
     temptation. 

                                BALLARD
                    Yep.

                                PARKER
                    I bet he's done a lot of wild stuff.

                                BALLARD
                    Maybe.

     Ballard begins to tap her shoe against the floor. After 
     a second the two look at each other.

                                PARKER
                    Wanna read them?

                                BALLARD
                    I'll lock the door.

     Ballard goes over to the door and locks it. Parker 
     smiles and goes over to the pile.

								CUT TO:

     INT. PARKING LOT - LATER

     The lot is fairly empty with out only a few cars 
     remaining. Brian emerges from the school, covered in 
     sweat. He stumbles a bit.

                                BRIAN
                    Stupid bird flu shot.

                                                         SWIPE TO:

     INT. BRIAN'S CAR - LATER

     Brian enters the car. He seems a bit out of breath and a 
     little flushed in the face.

                                VOICE (O.S.)
                    Bad day?

     Brian looks around.

                                BRIAN
                    Who the fuck said that?

                                VOICE (O.S.)
                    Me.

     The camera PANS to a Jesus bobble head on Brian's dash 
     board.

                                JESUS
                    And watch your language. This is a 
                    car of God.

                                BRIAN
                    Shut up, you can't talk, your just 
                    a plastic bobble head, you can't 
                    talk.

      Brian starts up the car and starts driving.

                                JESUS
                    Sounds like your trying to convince 
                    yourself more than me.

                                BRIAN
                    Shut up!

      Brian looks like he's about to hit Jesus, but he looks 
      up and slams on his breaks.

                                MALE VOICE (O.S.)
                    Asshole!

      Brian gives the other driver the finger.

                                JESUS
                    How did you manage to pass your 
                    driver's test if you can't even 
                    talk and drive at the same time.

                                BRIAN
                    Shut up, shut up, shut up.

                                JESUS
                    You need to speak with more respect 
                    towards your savior I could so 
                    smite you right now if I wanted.

                                BRIAN
                    For a novelty bobble head your not 
                    very funny.

     Brian makes a turn.

                                JESUS
                    This isn't the way home, where are 
                    you going?

                                BRIAN
                    I'm going to visit my uncle, he's 
                    in town this weekend.

     Brian seems shocked at what he just said.

                                BRIAN
                    Oh God I'm having a conversation 
                    with a bobble head am I losing my 
                    mind?

                                JESUS
                    Could be, you did try to kill 
                    yourself.

                                BRIAN
                    SHUT UP NOW!

     Everything is quiet a moment.

                                JESUS
                    Hey turn on the radio.

                                BRIAN
                    No.

                                JESUS
                    Come on, you know you want to.

                                BRIAN
                    I will not listen to a bobble head.

                                JESUS
                    Just turn it on.

     Brian slowly reaches out and turns on the radio.†
     Metalica is playing.

                                JESUS
                    Awesome, I love Metalica!

                                BRIAN
                    You what?

                                JESUS
                    St. Anger is so underrated.

     Jesus hums to the song.†Brian turns off the radio.

                                JESUS
                    Hey man, I liked that song!

                                BRIAN
                    Why are you talking to me?

                                JESUS
                    Your losing your mind remember?

                                BRIAN
                    Couldn't this be some kind of close 
                    to God experience? I've heard about 
                    other people doing that.

                                JESUS
                    Yeah, but they weren't talking to a 
                    bobble head.

                                BRIAN
                    Shut up!

     Brian reaches over, takes the head off of the Jesus 
     bobble head and puts it in his glove compartment.

                                JESUS
                        (from the compartment)
                    Man, that was cold.

                                BRIAN  
                             (very angry)
                    Shut the fuck up!!

                                JESUS
                    Alright, alright. Just watch up for 
                    that car.

     Brian looks back ahead and we see him swerve the 
     steering wheel.

                                                        FADE OUT.

     We hear the sound of a car horn and breaking glass.

                            TO BE CONTINUED...
                    
                            END OF EPISODE
 








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