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THE LUNCHROOM
Episode Three
"Ain't Too Proud to Beg"
Teleplay by
Edward Drogos
Story by
Bruce Snyder
Created by
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Bruce Snyder
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
Vincent Biga
STORY EDITOR
Melinda Waterman
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Edward Drogos
CONSULTING PRODUCER
Max Majernik
CAST LIST
Will Cooper.................................
Joel Mayberry...............................
Brian Vandele...............................
Brock Warner................................
Reicther....................................
Casey Jennings..............................
Chris Hughes................................
Stacy Cifaretto.............................
Ellen Conner................................
Cathy Phenis................................
Mr. John Parker.............................
GUEST CAST LIST
Brandon Brim................................
Restaurant Owner............................
Waiter......................................
Copyright © Bruce Snyder
TEASER
FADE IN:
EXT. MAIN STREET CENTERVILLE - DAY
Even though it's a warm sunny Saturday, Joel and Casey
are the only ones in site as they walk out of the milk
shake shop with their shakes.
CASEY
Something doesn’t feel right about
that shop.
JOEL
What do you mean?
CASEY
It isn't as much fun eating in there
anymore.
JOEL
Because of the low-carb craze?
CASEY
No.
JOEL
Well they got new refrigerators, the
ice cream doesn't melt and refreeze
every five hours like it used to.
(under breath)
Especially after a certain friend of
ours put a small amount of explosives
in it.
CASEY
No, but I did notice.
They continue to walk.
JOEL
Oh, we have to pay now. When Reicther
worked there, we got everything for
free.
CASEY
Reicther worked there?
JOEL
Yeah. He quit like a few months ago.
You don't remember? Hell, I just made a
reference to him working there.
CASEY
No. What did he do?
JOEL
Well he mostly worked counter but he was
the mascot a couple of times. Remember
we blocked out his eye holes, and when
he put it on, he couldn’t see. He kept
knocking things over and ended up in
the middle of the street.
CASEY
Then what happened?
JOEL
Animal Control was called and almost
shot Reicther because he thought a
bear was on the loose.
Casey begins to laugh.
CASEY
No, wait. This is a joke isn't it?
JOEL
No.
CASEY
Yes it is! Reicther is going to pop
out of a corner in a bear suit and
scare me, isn't he?
JOEL
No. I'm serious.
They walk to the corner and hear a car screeching to a
stop. They look in the street, but it's empty.
JOEL (CONT'D)
What the hell was that?
They walk down the next street and come to a fence. They
hear the van rev up, run over something, and stop again.
Joel and Casey find openings in the fence and look
through.
They see an OLD MAN driving an old, beat up van right
towards them. He runs over two pieces of plywood in the
middle of the parking lot before coming to a stop and
getting out of the van.
He goes over to the plywood and takes out a cloth
laundry bag filled with something walk back into the
restaurant.
Joel and Casey look at each other.
CASEY
What do you think?
JOEL
Well, Reicther's late.
SMASH CUT TO:
OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:
Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the
credits.
AFTER CREDITS:
EXT. BRIAN'S CAR - DAY (MOVING)
Establishing shot. The car is going down and empty
street in the suburbs. We can hear Bad Religion's "Faith
in God" coming from the car.
INT. BRIAN'S CAR - CONTINUOUS (MOVING)
BRIAN VANDELE is driving while silently repeating the
lyrics. BROCK WARNER is sitting in the passenger's side.
There is a small suitcase sitting on Brock's lap.
BRIAN
So what happened to your house exactly?
BROCK
Well, it appears that two pipes under
near my basement floor apparently got
clogged up with something. After a few
hours of being clogged up there was
this large amount of pressure against
the pipes. Finally the pipes busted
and it slowly began to flood the
basement floor.
Brian tries to contain his laughter.
BROCK
After a while the entire basement was
Just filled with...feces.
Brian lets out a few giggles. Brock gives him a stern
look.
BRIAN
Sorry.
BROCK
Anyway, it's costing my mom a lot of
money to fix the whole system. So
instead of springing for a motel she
decided that me and my little brother
could stay with friends for a while.
BRIAN
That sucks.
BROCK
Especially since it's Reicther.
Brian laughs.
CUT TO:
INT. VANDELE HOME - STACY'S ROOM - DAY
Stacy is sitting in the middle of her room with boxes
surrounding her. She is packing, but everything seems to
very organized. In the background the song "Raised on
the Radio" by the Ravyns plays softly.
REICTHER and CHRIS HUGHES walk past her room and look
and look in to see what she is doing.
REICTHER
Whatcha doin'?
STACY
Packing. You know I have CDs that I
had no idea I ever bought.
Chris looks through one of the stacks.
STACY
What are you two doing?
CHRIS
Um, nothing really. Just here to find
your brother.
STACY
Shocker. You know, I won't be able to
take all of these with me, do you two
want to go through them and see if
there are any you want?
REICTHER
Sure.
STACY
Great!
Chris picks up one of the CDs and holds it up.
CHRIS
I don't think I'll find anything I'll
like based on this...
He holds up Hooty and the Blowfish's "Cracked Rear View."
STACY
Ah, from rock star to fast food
pitchman in 10 years...somehow I'm
not surprised.
Chris keeps going through albums, while Reicther joins in.
CHRIS
Cher, Gloria Estefan, Phil Collins...
Paula Abdul?
REICTHER
Oh my god! The New Kids on the Block!
(he looks at Stacy is who
is laughing)
You have The New Kids on the Block?
STACY
Good thing I didn't ask you to go
through my cassette tapes.
Reicther looks stunned, while Chris seems confused.
REICTHER
You still have cassette tapes?
CHRIS
What's a cassette?
REICTHER
It's an American thing.
Stacy rolls her eyes. The two continue to look through
some more.
REICTHER
I think I'll pass. Most of these will
be better used in a landfill.
CHRIS
I don't know, there might be a few good
one's here.
Reicther who is about to leave, stops, and turns around.
REICTHER
Alright.
STACY
Great! Oh by the way, if your could
put the CDs back in the same order,
that would be great. I'll be back.
Stacy leaves. Reicther starts to remove the inserts from
the CDs.
CHRIS
What are you doing?
REICTHER
Stacy said the CDs had to be put back
in the same order, she said nothing
about these things being in there.
He and Chris start taking out the inserts.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT BEHIND CHINESE RESTAURANT - LATER
Joel and Casey have hopped the fence over into the
parking lot and are looking around.
CASEY
What restaurant was that?
JOEL
That Chinese place.
They walk around and go over to two pieces of plywood in
the middle of the parking lot.
CASEY
What does that smell like to you?
JOEL
Burnt rubber and a something
disgusting. I don't know, lets get
out of here.
CASEY
Wait, this is intriguing. You hungry?
JOEL
Always, why?
CASEY
Why don't we go in and see what we can
find out?
JOEL
I don’t feel like sampling something
that was run over by a van. God,
there could have been a fucking cat
in there or something.
Casey goes back though a opening in the fence.
CASEY
Come on, we'll just ask some
questions, you don’t have to eat
anything.
With some effort Casey pushes himself through the fence
while Joel watches. Joel walks down to the edge of the
parking lot and opens the gate and walks out onto the
sidewalk where Casey is.
JOEL
You're paying.
They walk off.
CUT TO:
EXT. REICTHER HOME - LATER
Brian's car pulls up in front of it. Brock gets out of
the passenger's side carrying his suitcase. He looks
over the place. There isn't a light on.
BROCK
(to himself)
Great.
Brock turns back to Brian, who is still in the car.
BROCK
You want to wait here until the idiot
gets back?
BRIAN
Nah. I've got to go to Art Club.
BROCK
Art club?
BRIAN
Yeah...it's this club at school. My
new therapist suggested a do an after
school activity to keep my mind of...
you know.
He makes a "slash my wrists" gesture.
BROCK
Oh. Well never mind then.
BRIAN
Don't worry. What could Reicther
possibly be doing that more important?
SMASH CUT:
INT. VANDELE HOME - STACY'S ROOM - LATER
Reicther and Chris are sorting through CDs as Stacy comes
back into her room.
STACY
Hey, my mom is going to take me shopping,
We'0ll be back in a bit.
REICTHER
Okay. Hey, I'll be 'All By Myself.'
STACY
No you won't Chris' here.
CHRIS
Oh, 'It's All Coming Back To Me Now.'
STACY
Whatever.
REICTHER
Wait, 'Tell Him.'
STACY
Tell who what?
CHRIS
That 'My Heart Will Go On.'
STACY
What the fuck are you on?
REICTHER
Me? I'm just trying to get in your
state of mind when you were buying the
Celine Dion collection.
Chris and Reicther hold up three CDs by Celine Dion. Stacy
rolls her eyes and leaves.
REICTHER (CONT'D)
Guess 'That's The Way It Is.'
CUT TO:
INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - DAY
Joel and Casey enter. The old, wrinkled OWNER behind the
counter greets them.
OWNER
How many?
JOEL
Two.
OWNER
Follow this way.
He leads them to the table where Joel and Casey sit
down.
JOEL
Thanks.
OWNER
You want a romantic.
CASEY
Excuse me?
The owner pulls out a lighter and lights the candles on
the table.
JOEL (CONT'D)
Oh, no. We won't be getting romantic
in here today...or ever.
CASEY
Am I really that horrible Joel?
The Owner looks at both of them and blows out the candle.
OWNER
What are you wanting?
CASEY
Something different...
JOEL
Something normal.
OWNER
Okay, look at menu, I'll be back.
The Owner walks to the back room.
JOEL
What are you having?
CASEY
I'm going to see if they can tell me
what they make from that stuff in the
laundry bag.
A WAITER comes over to the table.
WAITER
Hello, are you ready to order?
CASEY
I was wondering how do you make the
Wok's Delight?
WAITER
Assorted seafood with vegetables and
soy sauce.
CASEY
No, not that one. How the number 14?
WAITER
The Egg Drop Soup?
CASEY
No that couldn’t be it.
WAITER
I'll give you a minute.
The waiter walks away.
JOEL
Are you going to go through every
thing on the menu?
CASEY
No, just until we reach the thing
that's run over by a car.
Joel sighs.
INT. VANDELE HOME - STACY'S ROOM - LATER
Reicther and Chris sit on either side of two large piles
of CDs, one pile a lot smaller than the other.
CHRIS
Okay, we have...
(points to the small pile)
The want pile. And we have...
(points to the large pile)
The shit pile.
The phone rings and Chris goes to answer it. Reicther
makes sure that Chris is gone, and quickly goes through
the crap CD pile looking for something.
He finds it, it is Daniel Beddingfiled's "Gotta Get
Thru This" and hides it under his shirt.
Chris comes back.
CHRIS (CONT'D)
(starts collecting his
CDs)
Well, this was kinda fruitful, I found
some good ones.
Reicther sees that Chris is taking most of them.
REICTHER
Wait a minute, those are my good ones.
CHRIS
What, you want all of these?
REICTHER
It not a question of wanting them, it
is a question of me needing them.
CHRIS
For what?
REICTHER
To become a vital part of my music
collection.
CHRIS
So you'd never listen to them?
REICTHER
It's like all those cable channels,
you don't watch them all, but you
still have them. It's a status symbol.
So, are we agreed?
CHRIS
Fuck no!
Chris gathers the CDs he wants.
REICTHER
Fine. I'm just...
CHRIS
You're what?
REICTHER
No, I'm just depressed now. You know,
we've already had one of our friends go
suicidal.
Chris looks a little concerned.
REICTHER
No, you take them, my kick ass music
collection can't help me anymore.
Will looks a little concerned now.
CHRIS
Well, uh, how would the CDs help that?
REICTHER
Yes because then everyone would know
that I had the best collection, and I
would therefore, be better than them.
CHRIS
Fine, take them.
REICTHER
What?
CHRIS
You can have them.
REICTHER
Cool. Thanks. Ah, the sun seems
brighter than ever.
CUT TO:
INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - LATER
Casey is still talking to the Waiter. Joel looks very
annoyed by Casey asking how each item on the menu is
made.
CASEY
How do you make the Empress Chicken?
JOEL
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What can
we eat that is run over with a van in a
laundry bag?
WAITER
The Cabbage Soup?
JOEL
It was the cabbage?
WAITER
Yes.
JOEL
What do they run over it for?
WAITER
What he does is...
OWNER
Excuse me.
The Waiter moves to the side to see the Owner standing
behind him.
OWNER (CONT’D)
So you have found my secret. The
cabbage soup. A recipe from my
ancestors.
CASEY
What do you run over it with a van
for?
OWNER
You run over it to infuse the flavors
and it shreds it perfectly. I'll bring
two orders for you now.
JOEL
No thanks. I don't eat things run over
by cars.
OWNER
Excuse me?
JOEL
I'll pass on the cabbage soup.
OWNER
Oh really. You see that device on the
wall.
Joel and Casey look at the wall behind them. There is
some sort of wood torture device displayed menacingly
over their heads.
JOEL
What about it.
OWNER
That was also a relic brought down
from my ancestors, if I could show you
that instead.
Casey and Joel look quickly at each other.
JOEL
Soup sounds good.
OWNER
Good.
The Owner and the Waiter start to walk away but the
Owner turns back around.
OWNER (CONT’D)
I'll still show you how that thing
works, it works very well when I mash
potatoes.
He goes into the back room.
CASEY
Did you know, he's from Seattle?
JOEL
Explains the accent.
CUT TO:
EXT. REICTHER HOUSE - LATER
Brock is sitting out in front of the house, sitting on
his suitcase. The lights are still off. Brock looks both
ways before letting out a deep sigh. Suddenly we hear a
loud CRASHING sound off screen.
MAN (O.S.)
What the hell are you doing?!
WOMAN (O.S.)
I'm throwing your shit out! You can go
live with your damn whore!
Upon hearing this, Brock seems very uncomfortable.
MAN (O.S.)
Your just making stuff up!
WOMAN (O.S.)
I know you go out every night and fuck
her! My sister Gina told me so!
MAN (O.S.)
Well, maybe if I was getting some at
home I wouldn't need to fuck a whore!
Brock begins to whistle and covers his ears.
BROCK
(under breath)
Where are you, Reicther?
CUT TO:
EXT. CANDY STORE - SAME
Reicther is sitting on a bench outside the shop. He is
licking a TOOTSIE POP. As he licks it, he counts.
REICTHER
1,002.
(lick)
1,003.
(lick)
1,004.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - DAY
WILL COOPER enters humming "No Rain" by Blind Melon a
little but quickly stops. The cast of the play is spread
out in the place, talking. He walks up onto the stage
and looks out over the edge.
VOICE (O.S.)
Do you think it is less of a fall if
you go head first?
Will looks up to see ELLEN CONNER smiling at him.
WILL
I don't know.
ELLEN
You don't have a clue?
WILL
Ellen...let me enlighten you on a
little secret. I haven't had a clue
for last ten years.
ELLEN
Well, you were smiling like you knew.
WILL
I always do that. Smile and nod.
ELLEN
Why?
WILL
Because everyone loves an idiot.
He smiles even bigger. She stands next to him at the
edge.
ELLEN
Well, think about it. If you are
looking down, you not only have the
four feet that you are actually
falling, but the six feet that your
eyes are adding to the illusion.
Will looks a little confused.
ELLEN (CONT'D)
Get down.
Ellen gets on the stage floor and lies face down looking
over the edge of the stage. Will follows.
ELLEN (CONT'D)
See the difference. It’s not so far
anymore.
WILL
I guess so.
She lays on her side next to Will.
ELLEN
So, Dr. Karpathy, learn your lines?
WILL
(turning over)
Yeah, I’m pretty good with remembering
things.
ELLEN
That's good because...
MR. JOHN PARKER walks in to the gym.
PARKER
Okay, everyone. Please on to the
stage, and we will begin!
Will and Ellen are no longer alone on the stage and have
to stop their conversation.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - ART CLASS - SAME
Brian enters the classroom where a number of easels are
set up. About a dozen other students are there, they
look at him as he enters.
BRANDON BRIM, a well built senior with spiky brown hair
walks over to Brian.
BRANDON
Hi, I'm Brandon Brim.
BRIAN
Brian Vandele. Is this the Art Club?
BRANDON
Yep, pick a easel, and we’ll start in
a second.
Brian walks over and Brandon sets up at the easel next
to him.
BRIAN
So what do we do here?
BRANDON
Art, usually.
BRIAN
What do you usually paint?
BRANDON
Whatever is on my mind.
Brandon paints a cross shape on his canvas.
BRIAN
(confused)
Crossroads?
BRANDON
Sorta, it is a cross though.
BRIAN
What does it stand for then?
Brandon gives him a look like he should know.
BRANDON
Jesus.
BRIAN
Oh! That's what that is.
BRANDON
And my girlfriend, my career, and
basically my life.
BRIAN
Wow, I didn't know you could hang so
much on it. I thought Jesus had a lot
of problems.
Brian takes a blob of yellow paint and starts to paint
something on his canvas.
BRANDON
(looking at them)
What are those?
Brian tries to think of something quick.
BRIAN
Um...Flowers?
BRANDON
Oh.
(they continue painting)
Are you sure those are flowers?
Brian stops painting and flips the canvas paper back and
studies a fresh canvas.
BRIAN
Apparently, thou shan't not critique
others art work, isn't in your bible.
Brandon looks a little confused and amused.
CUT TO:
EXT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - LATER
Casey and Joel walk out, satisfied and full. Near the
front wall there is an Asian man to a mysterious BLACK
MAN who's back is facing us.
CASEY
Ah, those Asians sure know how to cook.
JOEL
Who knew that the cabbage would taste
better if they ran it over with a van.
They walk away. The Asian man looks upset. The Black Man
turns around to reveal a large badge which plainly reads
"Health Inspector."
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - ART CLASS - LATER
The music plays as Brain tries to paint something
abstract on his canvas. Brandon is next to him making
something with a lot of crosses.
BRANDON
So basically, to become a minister I
have to give up Monica for about a
year during school.
BRIAN
Give up?
BRANDON
We can't have sex.
WILL
Oh.
BRANDON
Well, you know what that's like don't
you.
BRIAN
(uncomfortable)
Yeah, sure.
BRANDON
You want to be with this girl... but
you can't, because your parents are
downstairs or her litter sister won’t
leave the room, or Jesus is watching
you.
Brian stops painting and looks up for a second then
shakes his head and continues painting.
BRIAN
Yeah, something like that.
Brandon paints but his hand slips and he makes a mark on
the canvas.
BRANDON
God damn it.
(catches himself)
Oh shit, I can’t say...
(again)
Fuck...
(covers his mouth)
What the hell!
BRIAN
Brandon, buddy, you have to calm down.
BRANDON
I know, I just made a vow that I
wouldn’t swear.
BRIAN
Aw, well you know what I say? Fuck
that shit.
Brandon laughs so does Brian.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - LATER
The cast of the play is in the middle of staging. They
are all holding up cards with their character’s names on
them and have to stand in the same spot as the lights
are moved into place.
Will is moved right in front of a very hot, bright light.
Ellen moves a few feet to his left.
ELLEN
Will.
WILL
(squinting)
Yes. Who is it?
ELLEN
It's Ellen.
WILL
Oh, hi.
He tries to open his eyes to look at her but can’t.
ELLEN
I wanted to ask you something. Do you
want to be in the newspaper?
WILL
Not a chance in hell.
ELLEN
Why?
WILL
Unless it's "Boondocks" or "Garfield"
...I don't read papers and I don't
like papers.
ELLEN
Not even the "Family Circus?"
WILL
(angry)
Why, I -
ELLEN
Calm down. I was only joking.
Brief pause.
WILL
Why all the questions about organized
school activities?
ELLEN
Well, I write for the school paper, I
want to do interviews with the cast of
the play.
WILL
Oh, okay. What time?
ELLEN
Tomorrow, I’ll do a cast interviews on
Monday in the Lunchroom.
WILL
Ah, the lunchroom. Sounds good.
The light that was shining in Will’s face the whole time
is finally turned off, much to the relief of Will.
PARKER (O.S.)
Okay, everyone. Great rehearsal
everyone! I'll see you Monday.
Will is still blinded by the light.
WILL’S P.O.V:
He can hardly see anything, he walks up to what he
thinks is Ellen.
WILL
So what time Monday?
No answer.
WILL (CONT’D)
Ellen?
ELLEN
Over here.
Will spins around and walks over to where he heard
Ellen's voice. But accidentally walks off the stage and
falls on the auditorium floor in a heap.
BACK TO SCENE
Ellen walks over to the edge of the stage from
completely the opposite direction Will was heading.
ELLEN (CONT'D)
So how many feet was it?
Will turns over and smiles stupidly at her before
raising his MIDDLE FINGER at her.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - ART CLASS - LATER
Brandon is cleaning up and Brian is the last one to
leave.
BRANDON
So you coming back?
BRIAN
(turns around)
Think so.
BRANDON
Good.
Brandon continues cleaning up, and after a moment, Brain
leaves.
CUT TO:
EXT. REICTHER HOME - LATER
Brock is still sitting on his suitcase on the front
lawn. We can hear we can hear crashing sounds next door.
Brock is quietly rocking himself while covering his
ears. Then in the distance, Reicther walks up.
REICTHER
Ah, so it takes 794, 213 licks to get
to the center of a tootsie pop.
He smiles.
REICTHER
Once again, I have solved one of
life's great mysteries.
He walks up to his house and notices Brock.
REICTHER
Oh, Brock. I'm so sorry. I forgot you
were coming over tonight.
Brock gives him a look. Suddenly THREE GUNSHOTS come
from off-screen before Brock takes off running. Reicther
seems confused.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME
There's a nice young, YUPPIE couple sitting on the
couch. There are watching an Old Black and White movie
where all the sounds have come from.
FEMALE YUPPIE
I wonder if that was too loud?
FADE OUT.
("All These Things That I've Done" by the Killers plays
over the credits.)
END OF EPISODE
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