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                          THE LUNCHROOM                                
                               
                         Episode Thirteen
                       "A Matter of Faith"


                           Written by
                          Bruce Snyder                              
                                                                                                                              
                               
                           Created by
                          Bruce Snyder                           
                                                                                               
                                
                                
                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Bruce Snyder
                                
                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Vincent Biga

                       EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
                          Edward Drogos
                                
                          STORY EDITOR
                         Rebecca Parker
                                
                       CONSULTING PRODUCER
                           Max Majernik

                                 
                                 CAST LIST

		Will Cooper.................................
		Joel Mayberry...............................
		Brian Vandele...............................
		Brock Warner................................
		Reicther....................................
		Casey Jennings..............................
		Chris Hughes................................
		Ellen Conner................................
		Cathy Matthews..............................
		Mr. John Parker............................. 

 
                              GUEST CAST LIST


		John Jennings............................... 
		Janice Jennings.............................
		Kay Johnson................................. 
		Mark Johnson................................ 
		Sandra Johnson..............................
		Lois Warner................................. 
		Anne Baxter................................. 
		Kirk........................................ 
		Joseph Said................................. 


                                                            








     Copyright © Bruce Snyder 

     TEASER

     FADE IN:

     EXT. JENNINGS HOUSE - EVENING

     Establishing shot.

								CUT TO:

     INT. JENNINGS HOME - KITCHEN - EVENING

     JANICE JENNINGS is at the stove, where a boiling pot 
     sits. She carefully reading over the instructions of a 
     box. Suddenly CASEY JENNINGS walks in where a dress 
     shirt and pants. He also is wearing a bight colorful 
     tie.

                                JANICE
                    Oh my. Look at my handsome son...in 
                    his Looney Tunes tie.

                                CASEY
                    Don't I have any other ties?

                                JANICE
                    Well there's one with Pee-Wee 
                    Herman on it from when you were 
                    seven.

     Casey thinks it over.

                                CASEY
                    This one will work.

     Casey then starts to pace about, while Janice goes back 
     to reading the instructions.

                                JANICE
                               (reading)
                    Boil for ten minutes...

     She takes notices that Casey is pacing.

                                JANICE
                    Honey...
                            (still paces)
                    Sweetie...
                            (still paces)
                    Son of mine...
                            (still paces)
                    Oh boy who cam from my lyons...

     She walks over and hits in the back of the head.

                                JANICE
                    Cut that crap out. You're making me 
                    nervous.

                                CASEY
                    I just want to make a good 
                    impression on her folks.

                                JANICE
                    Oh who wouldn't love a young boy 
                    who's seeing a therapist and has an 
                    occasionally bleeding ulcer?
  
     Casey burps a bit. He reaches for his mouth when 
     suddenly a little blood drips.

                                JANICE
                    Speak of the devil...

     Janice hands her son a small towel for his mouth.

                                CASEY
                              (worried)
                    They're going to hate me!

                                JANICE
                    Just calm down. Relax. Nothing 
                    stressful is going to happen.

     Just then JOHN JENNINGS, walks in only in his underwear.

                                JOHN
                    Honey, I don't want to alarm you 
                    but I can't find my pants.

                                JANICE
                    Jesus, John. Go put some fucking 
                    pants on!

                                JOHN
                    I can't find any!

                                JANICE
                    Well go fucking put something else 
                    on! Don't just stand there in your 
                    damn underwear!

                                JOHN
                    Fine!

     John storms out of the room. Janice is unaware that the 
     boiling water is about to spill out.

                                CASEY
                    Mom.

                                JANICE
                    What?

                                CASEY
                    Mom!

     The water has now spilled onto the floor.

                                JANICE
                    Damn it! Oh well. It doesn't matter 
                    anyway. I prefer my chicken fried.                   

     Casey, very stressed out, takes a seat in a nearby chair.

                                JANICE
                    Casey, you need to start to relax 
                    right now or this is really going 
                    to ruin your evening.

                                CASEY
                    He's going to hate me because I'm 
                    atheist. He's going to hate all of 
                    us because of it.

     The door bell rings.

                                JANICE
                    Then that's his problem, Casey. 
                    You've got to have a bug constantly 
                    up you're ass to judge someone like 
                    that just based on their religion. 
                    Besides I'm sure he's not the type 
                    that would do that.

     The door bell rings again. She stands up and walks out 
     of the kitchen.

								CUT TO:	

     INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

     Janice enters from the kitchen and heads for the front 
     door.

                                JANICE
                    Coming!

     She reaches it and opens the door. Behind stand the 
     Johnson family. There's MINISTER MARK JOHNSON, who's 
     dressed in his minister outfit. He's middle aged, very 
     well built, with thinning hair. His wife, SANDRA JOHNSON, 
     stands right next to him. She's a brunette in her late 
     thirties, who seems very bashful. And behind the two is 
     their daughter, KAY JOHNSON.

     As soon as the door is open, religious choir music 
     begins to play. This greatly confuses Janice.

                                SANDRA
                   Oops. Left my Ipod on.

     Sandra reaches down to her waist and turns off an Ipod. 
     The holy music immediately stops. Janice just stands 
     there, with her mouth wide open in awe.

                                JANICE
                             (to herself)
                   Oh...Jesus!

								SMASH CUT TO:

     OPENING CREDIT SEQUENCE:

     Marvin Gaye's "Ain't That Peculiar" plays over the 
     credits.

     AFTER CREDITS:

     FADE IN:

     INT. WILL'S ROOM - SAME

     WILL COOPER is standing in front of a mirror, talking on 
     the phone with JOEL MAYBERRY (we intercut between the 
     two of them.) In the background Stevie Wonder's 
     "Superstition."

                                WILL
                    Okay, now that we've got the socks 
                    picked out now let's pick the shirt 
                    out. There's two choices: one says 
                    "no fat chicks" and the other 
                    expresses my constant hard-on for 
                    Canadian girls who say "aboot."

                                JOEL
                              (sighing)
                    Will...we've been on the phone for 
                    forty eight minutes...are we really 
                    going to go through every article 
                    of clothing that you're going to 
                    wear tonight?

                                WILL
                    C'mon, Joel. This is important! I 
                    mean I am finally going out on the 
                    town with Ellen.

                                JOEL
                    What are you guys doing anyway?

                                WILL
                    We're going to see "Crash" or "Rent" 
                    or some other piece of indie crap 
                    like that.

                                JOEL
                    Well sounds like an interesting 
                    first date.

                                WILL
                    Actually, it's not an official date.

     Joel seems confused.

                                JOEL
                    What do you mean?

                                WILL
                    Well, neither of us never said it 
                    was a date. Really it's just two 
                    people going to the movies.

     Joel let's his head sink down and sighs.

                                WILL
                    What was that for?

                                JOEL
                    You and Ellen need to sit down with 
                    a pad of paper and figure out just 
                    what's going on between you. 
                    Because frankly, I'm very lost I 
                    know I'm not the only one.

                                WILL
                    What are you talking about?

                                JOEL
                    You hold her hand every night, but 
                    you're not dating. You spend every 
                    minute with her, but you don't even 
                    know if she likes you.

     Pause.

                                WILL
                    Yeah, I uh...I don't know what 
                    you're getting at.

     Pause. Joel seems a bit frustrated.

                                JOEL
                    Dude, grow a pair and tell her you 
                    like her.

     Joel hangs up. Will sighs and goes back to looking 
     through shirts.

                                WILL
                    Oh, I'll wear my shirt that has 
                    Bush's picture next to a monkey's!

     Will laughs.

                                WILL
                    Perfect!

									CUT TO:

     EXT. ELLEN CONNER'S APARTMENT - MINUTES LATER

     It's a building with several small apartments attached. 
     ELLEN CONNER is sitting on the steps on the building, 
     reading Alice Hoffman's "The Ice Queen." Suddenly a gray 
     old Buick pulls up. Will steps out and Ellen quickly 
     stands up.

                                ELLEN
                    Oh Will. Thank God you're here, I 
                    need your help.

     Ellen puts her hand on his shoulder and slowly leads him 
     to her apartment.

                                WILL (V/O)
                    She's touching my shoulder. Sweet!

                                WILL
                    Sure what's the problem?

                                ELLEN
                    There's a bat in my kitchen.

                                WILL
                    Oh no probl -

     Will stops dead in his tracks.

                                WILL
                    Wait! A bat!

                                ELLEN
                    Yeah.

                                WILL
                    There's a bat in your apartment?

                                ELLEN
                    That or rats have finally figured 
                    out how to grow wings.

     Will backs up a bit.

                                WILL
                    No, no, no, no, no, no!

     Beat.

                                WILL
                    I don't do bats.

                                ELLEN
                    Neither do I but that's because I'm 
                    accustomed to humans. Look all I 
                    want you to do is to get the bat 
                    out of my apartment.

                                WILL
                    Can't you just wait till your mom 
                    gets home and have your mom get rid 
                    of it?

                                ELLEN
                    NO! She'll just want to kill it.

                                WILL
                    Exactly the reason I suggested it.

                                ELLEN
                    I don't want it dead I just want it 
                    gone. I don't want to see any 
                    animal killed no matter how 
                    repulsive they are. Please, Will 
                    just help me out here.

     Pause. Will considers it.

                                WILL (V/O)
                    C'mon. Take Joel's advice and grow 
                    a pair. 

     Pause. 

                                WILL
                    All right, fine. But I'm not real 
                    sure how to get it out of there.

     Ellen snaps her fingers.

                                ELLEN
                    Don't worry, I have a plan.

                                WILL
                    Isn't that what Hitler said before 
                    he shot himself?

                                ELLEN
                    Shut up and follow me.

     Will reluctantly follows her off camera.

								CUT TO:

     INT. WARNER HOME - KITCHEN - SAME

     BROCK WARNER is standing at the stove, in front of a pan 
     of boiling water. He is struggling to a get a box of 
     noodles open. Suddenly the box rips and the noodles are 
     sent everywhere.

                                BROCK
                    Oh well. We always have more 
                    noodles.

     He starts to pick up the noodles when suddenly we hear 
     an odd sound coming from off-screen. Brock notices this.

								CUT TO:

     INT. WARNER HOME - BROCK'S ROOM - SECONDS LATER

     Brock comes to the doorway and looks in his room. This 
     noise is coming from his computer. He comes over to it 
     and sees what it is.

     From behind Brock we can see it is an AIM from 
     "SarahRose."

                                BROCK
                             (confused)
                    Sarah?

     He begins to read the message over again.

                                BROCK
                             (reading)
                    "Can we be friends again?"

     Brock seems stupefied by this.

                                LOIS (O.S.)
                    Brock?

                                BROCK
                    Um...I'm in my room.

                                LOIS (O.S.)
                    Could you come out here.

     Brock is conflicted. He doesn't really want to go. He 
     sighs and then leaves.

								CUT TO:

     INT. KITCHEN - SECONDS LATER

     Brock enters and notices LOIS WARNER, who is wearing a 
     red dress. She quickly notices all the noodles on the 
     floor.

                                LOIS
                    Um, sweetie. What's with all the 
                    Noodles?

                                BROCK
                    Oh I was making spaghetti.

                                LOIS
                    You were?

                                BROCK
                    I didn't say I was making it well, 
                    I just I was making it.

                                LOIS
                    Well as long as you clean up after 
                    you're done.

     She goes over to the counter and starts searching 
     through her purse. The whole time Brock is looking 
     toward his room and barely paying any attention to Lois. 

                                LOIS
                    I need you to stay home tonight and 
                    watch Bryce.

                                BROCK
                           (not really 
                         paying attention)
                    Where are you going to be?

                                LOIS
                    Well you remember that woman, Anne? 
                    The one we saw in video store? Well, 
                    we started talking to each other 
                    over the phone a lot and tonight 
                    she is taking me out to dinner.

     Brock, temporarily, snaps out of it.

                                BROCK
                    You're going on a date?

                                LOIS
                    Yes.

                                BROCK
                    Is that all?

                                LOIS
                    It's a pretty big step, for all of 
                    us. I just want to make sure youíre 
                    okay with it.

                                BROCK
                    Mom, you don't tell me what kind of 
                    girl to choose, and I wonít tell 
                    you.

     Brock goes back to looking towards his room. We suddenly 
     hear the noise again. He gets more anxious. Lois is 
     happy her son has accepted this. She leans in and hugs 
     him.

                                LOIS
                    Call my cell if anything comes up.

     She leaves. Brock waits until we hear a door close. As 
     soon as he hears this he goes flying out of the room.

								CUT TO:

     INT. JENNINGS HOME - LIVING ROOM - SAME

     Sandra and Mark are seated on the couch, while Kay sits 
     on the arm of Casey's chair. Janice is sitting across 
     from Mark and Sandra on the second couch.

                                SANDRA
                    It was very kind of you to invite 
                    us over, Janice.

                                JANICE
                    Oh, it's no problem.

                                MARK
                    It's good to finally meet the young 
                    gentleman who my daughter has been 
                    seeing all this time.

     Casey smiles.

                                KAY
                             (quietly)
                    Are you okay?

                                CASEY
                             (quietly)
                    I just took some Prozac.

     John enters carrying a try of drinks.

                                JOHN
                    Here we go. Drinks for the father, 
                    the ghost, and the holy spirit.

     John starts to laugh, while everyone else is silent. 
     Casey's smile is now gone.

                                JOHN
                    Little religious humor.

     Mark looks at the beers that have been place in front of 
     him.

                                MARK
                           (about drinks)
                    Um, I hate to be a bother but I'm 
                    afraid we can't drink this.

                                JOHN
                    Oh, no man it's cool. It's just 
                    this imported shit from Canada.

                                MARK
                    No, I mean we can't drink alcohol.

                                SANDRA
                    In our religion it's looked down 
                    upon.

     Just as she says this Janice is mid-drink, while John 
     has just opened his. They both look at each other and 
     sit their drinks down.

                                JOHN
                    Well, can I get you something else? 
                    Soda, perhaps?

                                SANDRA
                    Oh, that'd be lovely.

                                MARK
                    Um, Sandy. It has sugar.

                                SANDRA
                    Oh. On second thought just bring me 
                    something that doesn't have sugar 
                    or alcohol.

     John scoffs.

                                JOHN
                            (under breath)
                    Or taste apparently.

     From her seat, Janice reaches over and kicks him right 
     in the ass.

                                JOHN
                           (big fake smile)
                    Two waters coming up.

     John leaves the room.

                                JANICE
                    Well, Mark I see that you're a man 
                    of God.

                                MARK
                    Oh yes. I've been a minister for 
                    nearly twenty years now.

                                SANDRA
                    Ever since I met him he's been 
                    destined to do God's work.

                                JANICE
                    That's another thing. I didn't know 
                    ministers were allowed to have 
                    wives.

                                MARK
                    Well in our faith they allow it. 
                    They see no problem in loving a 
                    woman and having a family with said 
                    woman.

                                JANICE
                    I guess anything is better than a 
                    twelve year old altar boy.

                                JOHN
                    Honey, how about a tall smooth 
                    glass of shut the fuck up?

     Casey is breathing harder.

                                KAY
                    Casey is your ulcer acting up again?

     Casey gives her a "are you kidding?" look and starts to 
     giggle a bit.

								CUT TO:

     INT. ELLEN'S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - LATER

     Will is standing near the kitchen door, which is firmly 
     closed. Suddenly Ellen enters, arms filled with various 
     kinds of incense and a lighter. 

                                WILL
                    You own incense?

                                ELLEN
                    Sure, don't all liberals?

                                WILL
                    I know George Carlin's a fan. What 
                    kind is it?

                                ELLEN
                    Frankincense.

                                WILL
                    What are you? One of the magi?

                                ELLEN
                    You are a wit.

                                WILL
                    Where did you get this shit?

                                ELLEN
                    Kirk.

                                WILL
                    Where else?

     Will takes the incense and starts placing them in the 
     small crack at the bottom of the door.

                                ELLEN
                    I think if we just light a few of 
                    these the smoke will cause the bat 
                    to fly out. 

                                WILL
                    All right. Go outside and watch. 
                    You said the window in the kitchen 
                    is open, so I want you to tell me 
                    when it flies out.

                                ELLEN
                    Okay.

     She leaves. Will takes the lighter and starts lighting 
     some of these incense. He looks to see if Ellen is gone.

                                WILL
                          (talking towards 
                           kitchen door)
                    Might I start off by saying...fuck 
                    you, Mr. Bat. I finally get enough 
                    spine, not a lot mind you, but 
                    enough to ask her to go to the 
                    movies with me and what happens? 
                    You decide to show up and ruin the 
                    evening...

     Suddenly we see a BAT fly and hang in the corner. Will 
     does not notice anything at all and continues to talk to 
     himself and light the incense.

                                WILL (CONT'D)
                    ...Well now it's time for you to 
                    leave, compliments of Mr. incense.

     Will smiles as smoke starts to rise. He laughs before 
     he's interrupted by a loud hissing sound. Will turns 
     around and finally sees the bat in the corner.

								CUT TO:

     EXT. ELLEN'S APARTMENT - SECONDS LATER

     Ellen is standing watching the window when suddenly we 
     hear Will SCREAMING from the top of his lungs. Suddenly 
     Will bursts through the front door and comes running 
     toward Ellen.

                                ELLEN
                    What happened?

                                WILL
                    I thought you said the bat was in 
                    the kitchen!

                                ELLEN
                    It was when I got home!

                                WILL
                    Let me give you a brief news update on 
                    that: IT'S NOT ANYMORE!

     Ellen sniffs the air.

                                ELLEN
                    Did you light the incense?

                                WILL
                    Yeah, why?

     Suddenly we can see a giant FLAME arise through her windows.

                                WILL
                    Oh, that's right. I forgot to put 
                    them out.

                                ELLEN
                    Well go back in and do it!

                                WILL
                    A raging fire and a pissed off bat? 
                    Not a real pleasing deal there, 
                    Ellen.

                                ELLEN
                    Someone has to stop the fire!

								CUT TO:

     INT. HOUSE - SAME

     JOSEPH SAID, the foreign exchange student, is sitting on 
     the couch watching TV. KIRK is on the floor, sleeping. 
     Suddenly Kirk quickly sits up and starts sniffing the 
     air. Joseph notices this.

                                JOSEPH
                    What is it boy? Is Timmy stuck in a 
                    well?

     Kirk takes a deep breath.

                                KIRK
                             (excited)
                    Pot!

     Kirk goes running out of the house, with Joseph right 
     behind him.

							 	CUT TO:

     EXT. STREET - MINUTES LATER

     Joseph and Kirk are running for their lives. Kirk seems 
     very happy.

								CUT TO:

     EXT. ELLEN'S APARTMENT - MINUTES LATER

     Will and Ellen are just putting out the fire with 
     buckets of water when Kirk and Joseph come running up.

                                KIRK
                    Will! I smelt pot an -

                                WILL
                    It was incense, Kirk. Sorry.

     Kirk and Joseph seem very disappointed. They hang their 
     heads down and begin to walk away.

                                ELLEN
                          (sarcastically)
                    Oh but by all means don't try to 
                    help us put the fire out!

     The two continue to walk away.

								CUT TO:

     INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - SAME

     Lois and ANNE BAXTER, 49, a woman with short salt and pepper 
     hair, sit at a table in an intimate section of a nice 
     restaurant waiting for their food.

     Lois seems tense and nervous sitting in the middle of 
     the restaurant.

                                LOIS
                    Dinner was a good idea.

                                ANNE
                    Well I try to eat it every night.

     They giggle and then try to think of something to say.

                                ANNE (CONT'D)
                    So, how are your boys doing?

                                LOIS
                    Great! Yeah Bryce is enjoying the 
                    eighth grade and Brock is...as 
                    happy as ever...I think.

                                ANNE	
                    That's Good. Yeah, my Allison is 
                    away at Northwestern.

                                LOIS
                    Wow, good job.

                                ANNE
                    Yeah, all credit to her, I can 
                    hardly divide and sheís becoming a 
                    microchemical engineer.

                                LOIS
                    Well someone had to give her those 
                    brains.

                                ANNE
                    Yeah, I think Peter did most of 
                    that. He was brilliant. What about 
                    your sonsí father?

                                LOIS
                    Um. It's been so long.

                                ANNE
                    Are they like him?

                                LOIS
                    Bryce not so much. Brock...
                    sometimes more I realize. Good 
                    heart, noble.

     Lois pauses.

                                ANNE
                    Oh, Iím sorry. Bad subject for a 
                    first date.

                                LOIS
                    No, itís fine. I wouldnít have them 
                    without Daniel.

     The WAITER brings them their main course.

                                ANNE
                    Thank you.

     Anne starts eating.

                                LOIS
                    It was very difficult back then, 
                    wasnít it?

                                ANNE
                    What was?
 
                                LOIS
                    Being a gay mom, back in the 
                    eighties...Being a gay anything.

                                ANNE
                    Yeah, but now, it seems so normal. 
                    I mean, there must be tens of 
                    thousands of families like ours and 
                    the world is still turning.

     Lois has relaxed a lot and begins to enjoy the company of 
     Anne.

                                LOIS
                    You know, it may sound silly, but I 
                    donít think my children are any 
                    more messed up then they would be 
                    if they were raised by straight 
                    parents.

                                ANNE
                    Mine either.

     They laugh.

                                ANNE (CONT'D)
                    More wine?

                                LOIS
                    Please!

     Anne pours they enjoy the moment.

							SLOWLY FADE TO:

     INT. JENNINGS HOME - KITCHEN - LATER

     John and Janice enter, laughing. But the second the door 
     closes, they immediately stop.

                                JOHN
                    I don't know how much more I can 
                    take of this.

                                JANICE
                    Jesus this, Jesus that. Can't they 
                    just talk about what happened on 
                    "House" last night like normal 
                    people?

                                JOHN
                    Now, honey. I know this is tough. 
                    But we've got to stomach their 
                    bullshit for just a wee bit longer.

                                JANICE
                    But -

                                JOHN
                    Our son wants us to be on our best 
                    behavior. We've got to show these 
                    people that we're civilized and 
                    sophisticated.
                                (pause)
                    Now where's the Twinkies and cheese 
                    whiz? I was going to make our 
                    guests dessert.

								CUT TO:

     INT. JENNINGS HOME - DINNING ROOM - MINUTES LATER

     John and Janice reenter. Mark, Sandra, Casey, and Kay 
     are all laughing it up.
   
                                JANICE
                    What did we miss?

                                MARK
                    I'm just explaining the afterlife 
                    to Casey, here.

     She's about to say something, but a look from John stops 
     her. They sit down.

                                MARK
                    Now, son. People aren't sure 
                    exactly what happens to us when we 
                    die. But since I'm a man of God I'd 
                    like to think I know a bit more 
                    then normal people.

                                JANICE
                    You pretentious son of -

                                JOHN
                    Here, honey. Have some bread.

     He takes a roll and stuffs it in her mouth.

                                MARK
                    See in hell you have to pay for 
                    everything you've done wrong in 
                    your life. You know abortion, gay 
                    marriage, the usual stuff. But in 
                    heaven you're rewarded for living a 
                    good life and believing in God. You 
                    get to spend eternity in complete 
                    happiness. Just you and other 
                    Christians.

     Pause. Janice has had enough.

                                JANICE
                    We don't exactly know what happens 
                    in the afterlife.

                                MARK
                    Well, it does say in the Bible.

                                KAY
                    And in many other religious texts 
                    as well, daddy.

                                JANICE
                    You know, some people believe that 
                    since god is supposed to be 
                    forgiving that hell is temporary 
                    until you paid for your misdeeds, 
                    and then you go to limbo for a 
                    while, and then to heaven.

                                SANDRA 
                             (correcting)
                    I think you meant to say "You've 
                    paid."

     Janice gives her a look.

                                 MARK
                              (chuckles)
                    There's no limbo. Well, of course, 
                    unless you're catholic.

     Now John seems ready to jump in.

                                JOHN
                    Well, there is no god unless your 
                    religious.

                                JANICE
                    Like I said, some people believe 
                    that and personally, I don't 
                    believe that God is vengeful. I 
                    think that you might get out of 
                    hell in some way depending on what 
                    you did wrong in life.

                                SANDRA
                    He did helped wage wars is Biblical 
                    times. That's a bit vengeful. 

                                JANICE
                          (while coughing)
                    Pride in vengefulness.

                                JOHN
                    Then how do you explain Jesus? Is 
                    he just the forgiving Jew?

                                JANICE
                               (laughs)
                    Forgiving Jew. I like that.

     Janice and John are chuckling about their comment. While 
     Mark and Sandra seem offended. John and Janice quickly 
     become quiet.

                                SANDRA
                    He wasn't sent to earth to hurt 
                    people or go against them.

                                JANICE
                    Wow you've really read deep into 
                    the life of Jesus. I think that a 
                    point such as that is obvious to 
                    the most illiterate starving bum on 
                    the corner of Petchakasem in 
                    Thailand.

     Sandra gasps.

                                MARK
                    He didn't know revenge! He knew 
                    love!

                                JOHN
                    He knew forgiveness! He said it 
                    himself that you should forgive 
                    those who do you wrong. so why 
                    should Jesus preach what god isn't 
                    if he isn't forgiving?

                                MARK
                             (frustrated)
                    I didn't say he didn't know 
                    forgiveness.

                                JANICE
                    No you didn't and that's why my 
                    husband pointed it out.

                                MARK
                    I said he didn't know revenge...But 
                    you have to ask for forgiveness its 
                    not free.

                                JOHN
                    Wait! So it does cost money? 

                                JANICE
                            (snaps fingers) 
                    I knew that those damn donations 
                    had to have some purpose.

                                SANDRA
                    You know technically, if you don't 
                    believe in God then you go to hell.

     John and Janice give each other a look.

                                MARK
                    The bottom line is, if you ask for 
                    forgiveness then you to go Heaven.

                                JANICE
                    What about with certain 
                    circumstances? Can you get out of 
                    hell then?

                                MARK
                    Nope.

                                SANDRA
                    You don't just get out of hell. 
                    That's why its called Eternal 
                    Damnation.

                                JOHN
                    So if you believed in God and did 
                    things wrong in your life you go to 
                    hell forever?

                                SANDRA
                    You can't go to hell and change your 
                    mind and ask God to get into Heaven.

                                MARK
                    If you believe in God then you go 
                    to Heaven, but if you believe in 
                    God then you know you have to ask 
                    Forgiveness.

     Long pause.

                                JANICE
                    Oh, that's bullshit. I've known 
                    some of the most awful people and 
                    they were very strong Christians. 
                    So because they knew to ask for 
                    forgiveness they could go to heaven?

                                MARK
                         (without hesitation)
                    Yes.

                                JOHN
                    Why should someone who knows that 
                    they are doing something wrong go 
                    there?

                                SANDRA
                    You shouldn't call someone else's 
                    opinion bullshit. I didn't put 
                    yours down.

                                JOHN
                    That is because what is being 
                    expressed is a lack of belief and 
                    since it is not possible to call 
                    nothingness bullshit you never had 
                    the chance.

     Pause.

                                JANICE
                    We're sorry. We just got a bit 
                    excited.

                                MARK
                    You've done things wrong haven't 
                    you?

                                CASEY
                             (to himself)
                    Oh crap. Here it comes...
                    rationalization of guilt. These 
                    guys pull it every time.

                                MARK
                    And you knew they were wrong. Well 
                    do you think you deserve to go to 
                    Heaven?
                              (Pause)
                    If God is forgiving then he will 
                    give you eternal life if you go 
                    before him and ask forgiveness. It's 
                    not that complicated.

     Pause.

                                JANICE
                    Let me put it this way. You can do 
                    something wrong and be like "Oh I 
                    messed up, I'll try my best not to 
                    do it again" and then you should be 
                    forgiven. or there are people who 
                    do things wrong such as stealing 
                    over and over again without remorse 
                    until they pray for forgiveness. 
                    And the next day the do it again. 
                    Should those people rightly go to 
                    heaven even though they know what 
                    they are doing is wrong.

     Pause. Mark seems stumped.

                                MARK
                    Um...yes!

     All four parents continue to fight, while Casey gets up 
     and leaves. Kay follows.

                                CASEY
                    I think we need some air.

                                KAY
                    Yeah...I think you're right.

     They leave the room.

								CUT TO:

     EXT. ELLEN'S APARTMENT - LATER

     Will and Ellen are standing outside of the apartment. 
     This time they have made a large line of FRUIT that 
     leads from the apartment to the outside to lure the bat 
     out. Will is looking bored out of his mind, while Ellen 
     are gone back to reading her book.

                                WILL
                    I	thought for sure this would work.

                                ELLEN
                    Where did you get an idea like this 
                    anyway?

                                WILL 
                    Screech used it in an episode of 
                    "Saved by the Bell."

                                ELLEN
                    Ah.

     Pause.

                                ELLEN
                    Maybe it's a vampire bat.

     Will gives her a look, as she struggles not to laugh.

                                ELLEN
                    If that's the case all we have to 
                    do is open a vain.

     Will just shakes his head. Ellen starts to laugh.

                                ELLEN
                    Oh come on. You know that was funny.

                                WILL
                    Ellen, I give up. We're just going 
                    to have to call some professional 
                    or wait for your mom.

                                ELLEN
                              (sighing)
                    If we have to.

                                WILL
                    I'm going around to get the fruit 
                    from the front yard.

                                ELLEN
                    Okay.

     Will begins to walk away. Ellen, who seems defeated 
     takes a few steps toward her house. Suddenly her cat, 
     ironically named CAT, appears and rubs up against her 
     leg.

                                ELLEN
                    Hey, baby.

     They cat then walks over and starts drinking from a milk 
     saucer. Then suddenly the BAT flies out and hangs on the 
     roof exactly above Cat. Ellen sees this and is terrified. 
     The bat starts to make loud hissing sounds like itís 
     about to drive bomb cat.

     Without even thinking twice Ellen HURLS her book, 
     nailing the bat causing it to slam up against the wall.

     Pause. Will comes running from the front.

                                WILL
                    What happened?

                                ELLEN
                    The bat decided it wanted to dive 
                    bomb my cat so I decided to 
                    introduce to my hardback copy of 
                    Alice Hoffman.

                                WILL
                    Ew.

                                ELLEN
                    I know there's guts everywhere.

                                WILL
                    Actually it was about the book. You 
                    read Alice Hoffman?

     Ellen goes over and slowly picks up the book, making 
     sure not to get guts on her.

                                WILL
                    Whatever happened to you not 
                    wanting to hurt the bat?

                                ELLEN
                    Cats outranks bat. The little 
                    vermin had it coming.

     Will begins to examine the dead bat.

                                WILL
                    Well, don't worry. I think the hard 
                    concrete ground broke it's fall.

								CUT TO:

     EXT.  WARNER HOUSE - SAME

     Anne's truck pulls up in the driveway and parks.

     INT. ANNE'S TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

     Anne and Lois look at each other and smile. Dusty 
     Springfield's "Son of a Preacher Man" comes on the 
     radio.

                                LOIS
                    I had a wonderful time tonight.

                                ANNE
                    Me too. I saw you and Brock come in 
                    last week and I noticed how good 
                    you looked.

                                LOIS
                    Thank you.

                                ANNE
                    I like you a lot.
 
                                LOIS
                    I'm getting to like you. Maybe we 
                    could do this again, sometime.

                                ANNE
                    I'd love that. I'll call you.

                                LOIS
                    Great.

     Lois picks up her purse from the floor of the car and 
     leans close to Anne. Anne takes the opportunity and 
     moves and kisses her.

     They pull apart.

                                LOIS (CONT'D)
                          (a little flustered)
                    Thank you.

     Lois tries to open the door, but canít.

                                ANNE
                    Sorry, locked.

     She unlocks it.

                                LOIS
                    One more time.

     They kiss again and after Lois opens the door and steps 
     out of the truck.

     EXT. WARNER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

     Lois walks over to the front door and waves to Anne as 
     she pulls out of the driveway and waves back.

     Lois doesn't go inside right away, she leans back on the 
     door and looks very happy. We PAN over to Brock's window 
     and see him furiously looking for something online.

                                BROCK
                    C'mon, c'mon. Where the hell did 
                    she go!

									CUT TO:     

     EXT. JENNINGS HOME - PORCH - LATER

     Casey and Kay are sitting on the swing together. Casey 
     is resting his head on her chest, while she strokes his 
     hair. We can hear screaming coming from inside the 
     house.

     After a few seconds Casey and Kay begin to look into 
     each other's eyes. They do this for a long time before 
     briefly kissing.

                                CASEY
                    If I don't see you for a while 
                    after tonight...I love you.

                                KAY
                    Casey we're going to see each other 
                    again. So our parents don't get 
                    along. That shouldn't stop us.

     They kiss again. Casey rests his head again. Suddenly 
     the front door BUSTS open and Sandra comes running out 
     holding her ears.

                                SANDRA
                    Oh god! Make them stop with their 
                    blasphemy!

     She walks over and gets in the car. Mark now storms out 
     of the house.

                                MARK
                    You people are crazy!

     John and Janice slowly come out. Unlike Mark and Sandra 
     they are very relaxed and even smiling.

                                JOHN
                    Hey, buddy. What has four thumbs 
                    and thinks you should go fuck 
                    yourself?

     John and Janice then point to themselves with their 
     thumbs.

                                JOHN
                    John and Janice Jennings.

     Mark grabs Kay and starts to take her toward the car.

                                MARK
                    C'mon, Kay. We're leaving.

     Mark forces Kay into the car.

                                MARK
                    From now on, keep your son and your 
                    ridiculous views away from my family!

     Mark gets in the driver's side. Casey looks devastated. 
     John and Janice now seem to regretting what they've done.

                                JANICE
                    Son...I'm sorry that prick banned 
                    you from seeing Kay again.

     Pause.

                                CASEY
                    Well on the bright side he has yet 
                    to hurt me physically.

     Mark quickly backs out of the driveway, nailing Casey's 
     scooter. When Mark drives away we can see the Scooter is 
     totaled.

                                CASEY
                    That's it! First he takes my first 
                    love away and now he just ran over 
                    my second. Well now I've got 
                    nothing to lose...
                               (thinks)
                    Except for my family...
                               (thinks)
                    Oh, and my friends...
                               (thinks)
                    And Hot Pockets! Can't forget about 
                    Hot Pockets. Anyway the point is 
                    when I'm done he's going to be one 
                    sorry Mormon...or Catholic. 
                    Whatever his religion is. I'm going 
                    to see her...no matter what it 
                    takes.

                                                        FADE OUT.
                           
                            END OF EPISODE




29



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