FADE IN:
EXT. DRIVEWAY - DAY
A motorbike is running. MIKE WALSH (MIKEY) is dressed in
blue jeans and black leather jacket. He puts on his gloves
and black helmet. He swings a leg over the bike and gets
on. He kicks up the kickstand, revs the engine Loudly, snaps
his visor closed, selects first gear and rides off.
EXT. FOREST ROAD -- DAY
A STUNTMAN, wearing blue jeans, black helmet and black jacket
is riding a motorbike down the same wooded road. He looks
back over his shoulder, checking behind him. He then looks
forward, and sees...
An oncoming CAR. He steers away, over corrects and is thrown
from the bike. The bike goes over the embankment edge. He
lies motionless on the road.
CUT TO:
INT. DATA-DAY GADGETS -- DAY
A skull and crossbones clock TICKING loudly. Lots of GADGETS
and electrical items fill the store. Awards and certificates
for youth and adult inventions hang on the rear wall. Gadgets
hang from the ceiling and contraptions move freely within
the store. A phone rings. RICKY WANG (DATA) answers the
phone.
DATA
Data-Day Gadgets.
Concern and confusion.
DATA (CONT'D)
When?
(pause)
I'm leaving right now.
He hangs up, looking pensive.
CUT TO:
EXT. FOREST ROAD -- DAY
LAWRENCE COHEN (CHUNK) is standing behind yellow 'DO NOT
CROSS' line. He looks anxious. A cell phone RINGS. He
answers it.
CHUNK
What?
(pause)
Now?
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
(pause)
How come?
(pause)
Okay, okay I'm leaving. Bye.
He hangs up the phone and turns to Mikey. Mikey is worried.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
It's happening now.
MIKEY
What?
(beat)
What happened? It's not even one
yet.
CHUNK
I know, he didn't say. They'll be
there in half an hour, man. Let's
go!
MIKEY
God, just when it was gettin' good.
He starts pushing through crowds of bystanders.
CHUNK
Come on people. Move it!
They fight their way through cast, crew and crowds watching
a movie being filmed. The sound is broken by LOUD APPLAUSE.
The stuntman gets to his feet, takes his helmet off and waves
to the crowd. He walks over to a man sitting in a chair
marked 'DIRECTOR'.
CUT TO:
EXT. FOREST ROAD -- LATER
Mikey speeds off on his motorbike with Chunk on the back.
CUT TO:
INT. DATA'S CAR -- LATER
Data is driving. He smiles at EMMA RICKMAN who is sitting
next to him. He checks the time on his digital watch. Data
speeds up.
CUT TO:
EXT. RICKMAN WAREHOUSE -- AFTERNOON
A removal warehouse. Trucks, vans and cars occupy the car
park. All have 'Rickman's Removals' printed on the sides.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3.
Chunk and Mikey pull out a large roll of material from a van
with 'The Daily Astorian' written on it. They run towards
the warehouse, struggling with the material.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA COLUMN -- AFTERNOON
A 150 foot tall Column, with a narrow, twisting, spiral
stairwell. Data follows Emma up to the top. Spectacular
views of Astoria. It's breezy. Lots of pretty flowers and
trees in view.
He wraps the wire of his cell phone hands-free kit around a
button on his coat collar, so the mouth piece hangs by his
mouth, but is concealed. He tucks the earphone inside the
collar. He is very discreet, so Emma does not see what he
is doing.
Emma is enjoying the view from the Column.
CUT TO:
EXT. RICKMAN WAREHOUSE -- LATER
Mikey unrolls the material on top of the warehouse roof.
His cell phone is ringing. He answers it breathlessly.
He listens carefully, then...
DATA O.S
Wow, it's beautiful up here. You
warm enough Em?
Mikey signals for Chunk to hurry.
MIKEY
(shouting to Chunk)
They're up already!
CHUNK
Oh Shit! Come on!
A sandwich hangs from Chunks mouth. It breaks and falls on
the roof when he nods to Mikey. They unravel the material
completely. Seagulls begin to hover in the air nearby.
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA COLUMN -- CONTINUOUS
Data and Emma admire the view. Data takes out a professional
looking CAMERA with a long zoom lens.
DATA
I should get some photos of this,
gets more breathtaking each time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4.
EMMA
I know, I love the spring.
Data zooms in on the warehouse.
He sees Chunk fighting past seagulls flying around him.
Chunk is running towards the ladder and manages to climb
down, disappearing from view.
Data adjusts his collar and walks over to Emma. He puts one
hand in his coat pocket and holds his camera out for her.
DATA
Hey, look at this.
EMMA
What?
DATA
Your father's warehouse, look.
He guides Emma to the warehouse.
DATA (CONT'D)
Over there...
She sees 'MARRY ME EMMA?', sprawled across the roof of the
warehouse, on white sheets. Emma is shocked.
Data gets out a small box and opens it. A diamond engagement
ring.
Emma turns to Data and SCREAMS loudly. Data winces. Tourists
stare at them. Emma tearfully wraps her arms around Data,
kissing him repeatedly.
CUT TO:
EXT. RICKMAN WAREHOUSE -- LATER
Mikey and Chunk wait anxiously by the warehouse, sharing the
EARPIECE from Mikey's cell phone.
MIKEY
I guess that's a yes!
CHUNK
Yes! Way to go Data!
Mikey and Chunk hug each-other.
CUT TO:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5.
EXT. ASTORIA COLUMN -- LATER
A TOURIST holding Data's camera, takes a photo of him and
Emma.
CUT TO:
INT. FRATELLI KITCHEN -- NIGHT
Italian opera music plays in the background.
Old, shabby curtains and a tacky multicolored plastic stripped
door divider. Cardboard T.V dinner boxes stacked up against
the back door, over-flowing from a tray marked 'RI-CICLING'.
JAKE and FRANCIS play poker and drink tequila. A roll-up
cigarette is pinched between Jakes lips as he shuffles a
deck of cards. He wears a hat which sits far back on his
head, pointing upwards. He deals the cards out.
Francis is almost bald. His remaining hair is gray. He
wears an expensive pair of glasses.
MARY storms in, annoyed. She throws the Daily Astorian PAPER
on the table and leaves through the plastic stripped door
divider.
Francis picks up it up. An article catches his eye. He
examines a PHOTO carefully. Data and Emma. The article is
about Data's upcoming bachelor party. The author is Lawrence
Cohen.
FRANCIS
Jake?
(pause)
Jake!
(pause)
Did your ears fall off or somethin'?
I'm talkin' to you!
He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes.
JAKE
(shouts)
I'm thinkin', wise-ass! What the
hell's wrong with you?
(pause)
Christ!
FRANCIS
(points)
In the paper.
He hits the article hard.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
The Goonies!
(beat)
Goddamn kids!
(pause)
You remember the Asian kid with all
them booby traps?
(pause)
Sonofabitch!
Francis tosses the paper at Jake and puts his glasses back
on. He coughs, waving the cigarette smoke away.
Jake swallows his drink in one gulp and picks up the paper.
JAKE
(laughs)
Awe... look at the little bastard!
(pause)
So what?
He throws it back, pours himself a drink and plays his move.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Throw it in the trash! Don't you
learn anything? You gotta' let go
a' the past, Franky. You know, grow
up.
FRANCIS
Don't call me Franky. I hate that.
He rubs his bald head incessantly.
JAKE
(laughs)
Just don't think about doing nothin'
stupid! Is it any wonder you got no
hair left!
He turns up the volume. Francis becomes agitated.
FRANCIS
Okay, first of all, I'M not the idiot!
Second of all, shut the hell up and
think just for a second. You are
capable of that aren't you, Jake?
He takes his glasses off.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Turn that shit off, it's driving me
nuts!
(beat)
My goddamn head's splitting!
(pause)
Forget it. I'm takin' a piss.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7.
He walks towards the TELEPHONE, picks up a phone-book and
smiles. A 'light-bulb' moment.
JAKE
(quietly)
Piss, my ass. Dirty sonofabitch!
(shouts)
I know when you're lying. Don't
give me none of your bull-shit!
(pause)
HEY! Who you callin' this time a'
the night?
(pause)
You know one day the operator's gonna'
call the cops on your ass. Goddamn,
phone freak.
Francis ignores him. Jake finishes his drink and turns off
the stereo.
FRANCIS
(loudly)
I'm a friggin' genius you know that?
JAKE
What?
FRANCIS
Doesn't matter. I wanna talk to
Louie.
He stands behind Jake and leans down beside his ear.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
(shouts)
'Cos Louie's a PRO-FESS-ION-AL!
JAKE
Ah! Sonofabitch! That WAS my ear ya'
know.
He grimaces in pain, rubbing his ear. Francis taps Jake's
head and puts his glasses on.
FRANCIS
Don't think I'm carrying you an'
Mary for the resta' my life.
JAKE
Carry us? Half this place should a'
been mine, you selfish bastard!
FRANCIS
Look who's talkin' now. I gotta'
let goa' the past eh? Whatever.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
(beat)
Listen ta' me. With Louie's help,
we could turn this opportunity into
a plan that could get you an' Mary a
place together. Somewhere nice.
Jake sits up.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Whaddaya' say, Jake, ah? Sound good
don't it?
Francis perks up and walks over to the telephone.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
(sings out of tune)
Make them bastards pay, that would
make my day... they won't know what
hit 'em... I hope I get to kill one,
make them bastards pay. Ba, ba, ba,
ba, baah...
He starts dialing.
Jake picks up Francis's cards, swaps them and smiles.
BEGIN MAIN TITLES:
EXT. BEACH -- MORNING
BRAND WALSH is running along the beach with an OLDER WOMAN.
She is overweight and average looking. He has a whistle in
his mouth and is holding a clip board, making notes. He is
also timing her with a stop-clock. They stop running. The
older woman collapses to her knees and breathes quickly.
She stretches. Brand shows her his clock and she looks upset.
Brand puts his arm around her and begins motivating her.
She gets up. They jog gently.
TWO FEMALE SURFERS come out of the water and wave to Brand.
He waves back, winking flirtatiously.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL -- AFTERNOON
ANDY CARMICHAEL is teaching music class to a group of young
children. She appears happy. It's a glorious sunny day, as
the beams filter into the room.
ANDY
Well done you guys, way to go! We're
almost there! Excellent! One more
time, okay?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9.
She conducts the class, waving her arms in the air. She
clasps her hands together in approval.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE -- AFTERNOON
CLARKE DEVEREUX (MOUTH) is in a meeting with two colleagues
at work. Tall skyscrapers can be seen out the window behind
him. His lap-top is in front of him on the desk. There are
lots of CHARTS and figures being projected onto a wall. He
looks at his Inbox and is distracted from his meeting.
OFFICE GUY #1
Mr. Devereux?
He clears his throat.
OFFICE GUY #1 (CONT'D)
Hmm... Clarke? Your proposals,
please. We'd like to see them.
(beat)
There a problem Clarke?
OFFICE GUY #1 looks at the clock impatiently.
MOUTH
Yeah? Uh... I mean, yes, sir. The
report's right here. 'scuse me.
He takes his briefcase from under the desk and opens it.
He's received an e-mail from Chunk and clicks it open,
revealing a rude picture. He smiles perversely, then passes
the report absentmindedly to OFFICE GUY #2.
OFFICE GUY #2
Clarke, could we have ALL of it?
Today would be super!
Mouth's face turns red.
CUT TO:
EXT. OCEAN -- AFTERNOON
STEF STEINBRENNER is working with TWO GUYS on a boat out at
sea. She's in the water, wearing a wet suit and is conducting
an experiment with dolphins. She strokes one of the dolphins
and it spits water back at her. She laughs hysterically.
Her colleagues make notes and take pictures. They laugh
with her.
CUT TO:
INT. DATA-DAY GADGETS -- AFTERNOON
Data is testing out a GADGET that isn't working properly.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10.
DATA
Erik, got a minute?
He sighs impatiently whilst fiddling with lots of different
ELECTRICAL COMPONENTS.
DATA (CONT'D)
(silly voice)
Get in here!
ERIK rushes nervously over to Data in the back room.
ERIK
Okay boss! Just one sec...
He knocks down a 3 foot tall wall of modified self-opening
tin cans. A LOUD TUMBLING NOISE. He stops just outside
Data's office. He looks back at the commotion, and Data
looks over Erik's shoulder, grimacing.
DATA
Erik, chill! I was jus' fooling
with ya'. Take five, okay? And
stop worrying!
Erik starts re-stacking the tins in the background. CLANGING
NOISES.
Data gives up on his broken gadget. He looks at a PHOTO of
his fiancee Emma on his worktable. The engraved message
reads, '1000 Miles Begins with One Step'.
He caresses the photo. He picks up the broken gadget and
smiles.
CUT TO:
INT. THE DAILY ASTORIAN -- AFTERNOON
Chunk is staring anxiously at his inbox on his computer.
Sighing, he looks up. A large COLLAGE of newspaper cuttings
and photos on the wall. A mix of him with his friends and
his personal achievements. His computer PINGS and he receives
an e-mail. He reads it quietly under his breath.
CHUNK
(mimics Mouth's voice)
"You're so gonna' pay! Board meeting
you turd. Be afraid!"
(snickers)
Oops!
(beat)
Oh well, pay-back is sweet!
He shuts down his e-mail and stretches his arms up and yawns.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Goddamn I'm hungry!
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA MUSEUM -- AFTERNOON
Mikey is waving good-bye to his colleagues outside Astoria
Museum. Work papers dangle from his mouth. He fires up his
motorbike, whilst struggling to put his papers into his
briefcase. He puts his helmet on.
CUT TO:
INT. CHUNK'S HOUSE -- EVENING
Chunk attempts to sit on the couch to watch T.V. A MODIFIED
VACUUM CLEANER blocks his path. 'PROPERTY OF DATA' is stamped
on the side. The machine appears to have come ALIVE and he
wrestles with it aggressively. A comical fight ensues.
CUT TO:
INT. MIKEY'S HOUSE -- EVENING
Mikey arrives home and the PHONE IS RINGING. The caller I.D
shows Data's name FLASHING. He sighs and picks up the phone.
MIKEY
What now, dude?
DATA (O.S.)
You did pick up the suits, right?
MIKEY
Yeah. Everything's under control.
DATA (O.S.)
Come on Mike! I've asked you a
hundred times and...
MIKEY
Alright! I haven't got 'em yet. I
promise by tomorrow you'll...
INTERCUT TO:
INT. DATA'S STUDY -- EVENING
Data is fixing Chunk's modified vacuum cleaner. Chunk is
sitting next to him, wearing a plaster on his forehead. He
does not look impressed. Emma gives them two glasses of
water. Chunk flicks drawing pins at the machine.
DATA
WHAT? Tomorrow?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12.
MIKEY (O.S.)
TODAY!
(pause)
Jeez, Data! I just walked through
the...
Data shakes his head and hangs up the phone. He flashes
Chunk an evil glare and points to all the mess he made with
the drawing pins.
Confusion.
CHUNK
What I do?
INTERCUT TO:
INT. MIKEY'S HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER
Mikey shakes his head.
MIKEY
Hello?
He hangs up and grabs his helmet, unimpressed.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Where the hell are my keys?
(beat)
Gimme' a break, please!
He finds the KEYS hanging by the front door. A calendar.
Mikey turns the page and reveals 'DATA'S WEDDING' written on
October 15th, 2005. He takes a pen and scribbles out
'WEDDING' and writes 'PAY-DAY'. It now reads 'DATA'S PAY-
DAY' and he smirks.
He storms out the front door, SLAMMING it hard.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -- NIGHT
Jake and Francis are inside a quiet restaurant and are talking
with LOU FRATELLI. Lou is in his seventies's, overweight
and has a dark mole below his right eye. He is their uncle.
NANCY LUNGER walks over to Lou and kisses his cheek and waits
by the men. She is thirty-something, attractive, with brown
hair. Lou introduces her to Jake and Francis. They eye her
up and down, look at each other and nod in approval. They
smile sinisterly.
END MAIN TITLES:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13.
INT. STINGERS BAR -- EVENING
An average sized, retro-themed bar. Mostly reflective of
the 1980's and 1990's. LOUD MUSIC plays in the background.
A Strong party feel.
A large BANNER hangs from the rafters with 'R.I.P DATA!'
printed on it.
A door BURSTS opens suddenly. WAITRESS #1 storms through
carrying a tray full of drinks. She sets them down where
Data, Brand, Mikey, Chunk, Mouth, Erik, RON and PATRICK are
sitting. Many EMPTY BOTTLES of beer. A bombsight. WAITRESS
#2 walks over to help clear the table. Both waitresses are
attractive.
Mikey, Chunk, Data and Mouth wear old Garbage Pail T-shirts.
Data sports a FLASHING HEAD-BAND. It has two coiling,
antennae-like ears, with yellow, happy-face, flashing balls,
pointing upwards on each end.
JERRY is the sixty-something bartender. Working alongside
him is a handsome, YOUNGER MALE BARTENDER.
JERRY
Mike?
(pause)
MIKEY?
He points to the stage. A KAREOKE MACHINE is set up. He
RINGS the bar bell. SILENCE.
JERRY (CONT'D)
You better get up there son.
Machine's all fired up.
(pause)
Pepper and salt, right?
MIKEY
(laughs)
Good enough! Thanks, Jer.
Mikey turns back and winks at Mouth. Mouth nudges Chunk,
who is chatting with Ron and Patrick.
Brand smiles back at Mikey. Data turns to him, confused.
Mikey whispers to Data, puts his arm around him and grabs
him hard. He drags Data onto the stage. Data's head-band
wobbles all over.
Mikey taps the microphone.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Is this thing working?
The microphone HISSES LOUDLY.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
There you go. How's everybody doin'?
(crowd ROARS)
Yeah!
(pause)
A party wouldn't be complete without
some singing and dancing...
(beat)
... so we're gonna' show you some of
our old moves.
(beat)
Ready Data?
Data attempts to leave the stage. Mikey pulls him back,
laughing.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Mr. Double-oh-negative? Please step
up to the mic!
Mikey takes off Data's head-band and throws it to Mouth.
DATA
That's James Bond Double-oh-seven
actually!
(pause)
Thanks for coming people...
Data runs, but Mikey hauls him back. Mouth wears the head-
band.
MIKEY
Whoa boy! Where'd you think you're
going?
(beat)
Listen up, Ricardo. I'll be right
here!
Mouth and Chunk play with the flashing head-band. They look
drunk. Brand chats with Ron and Patrick.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
And so will some others!
(pause)
Come on you GOONIES!
MOUTH
WHAT?
He puts his hand to his ear.
MIKEY
Get your Goony butts up here. Now!
Chunk takes photos.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15.
MOUTH
No way, Ho-sey!
(pause)
Lose the mic, Mike!
BRAND
Shut-up Mouth!
MIKEY
(to Data)
Anyway...
(pause)
... a few of us, who shall remain
nameless, felt you deserved at least
one last humiliation. A trip down
memory-lane some might say.
He turns to Jerry and nods.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
(shouts)
Hit it!
The song 'Push It', by Salt 'n' Pepa plays. Data sighs,
holding his hands against his red cheeks.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Sound familiar? I think you know
this one!
DATA
Ah shit! Come on! This is a joke
right? Oh God...
(sings feebly)
... ah, push it. Ah push it. Ooh
baby, baby!
(pause)
That's enough, I'm humiliated! No
more!
He steps down. Mikey blocks him.
MIKEY
Slow down, Speedy-gone-zappy. Get
back here!
(sings)
Get up! Owe baby! Salt and Pepa's
here!
(pause)
Remember?
(pause)
Come on, Data. You know you know
this. Just do it!
Brand looks mortified. He turns his back and chats with Ron
and Patrick.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16.
Mikey and Data continue.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
This dance ain't for everybody!
CROWD
Yeah!
WOLF WHISTLING and CLAPPING.
DATA
So only the sexy people... all you
fly mothers? Get up there and dance!
(shouts)
Dance, I said!
MIKEY
Wooh!
He grabs the microphone from Mikey.
DATA
CHUNK, MOUTH! Get your lazy bee-
hinds up 'ere!
MIKEY
(shouts)
Move it!
MOUTH
(to Chunk)
Ah, what the hell!
CHUNK
HELL no!
Mikey waves to Brand.
BRAND
(shouts)
Not 'nough beer in the world, bro!
Mouth gets on the stage.
MOUTH
Ah, push it. Push it good. Ah,
push it, push it REAL good!
CHUNK
(to Erik)
This is so gay.
(pause)
You know they did this back at school?
Erik shakes his head.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Still a buncha' geeks!
(beat)
You okay? You look kinda' weird!
Erik stays silent.
MOUTH
Alright already! Let's dance!
Mouth initiates the 'Push It' dance. Mikey and Data join
in.
DANCING. They seem well rehearsed.
A DRUNK MAN PUKES onto the stage. They jump back and re-
join the others.
Chunk walks over with four bottles of beer. They start
drinking. Erik follows.
CHUNK
(loudly)
I was tellin' Erik here what a buncha'
dorks you guys still are!
(beat)
Senior prom was one thing... now you
jus' look real stupid!
Mikey looks unimpressed. Erik cracks a smile.
MIKEY
Two options my friend. Shut-up or
shut-up! It was cool back in the
day.
CHUNK
Yeah, WAY back! Whatever you say,
Mike.
Mikey ruffles Chunk's hair. Chunk flinches.
DATA
(drunkenly to Chunk)
Your funeral box, what kind you want?
CHUNK
What, Yoda?
DATA
(laughs hysterically)
I'll engrave it personally! You get
it? Ha-ha!
(pause) *
E-n-g-r-a-v-e! 'sa good joke!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18.
Chunk pats him on the back. He holds up his camera. Mikey
squints his eyes back.
Data snatches his flashing head-band from Mouth's head and
puts it on. Mouth re-styles his hair.
CHUNK
Now all Astoria has the pleasure a'
seeing you clowns in my article next
week. Even better than last month's.
Mikey smiles. Chunk smirks appreciatively back.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
(shouts to Jerry)
Another beer, fine sir! Data's
buying.
The head-band annoys Mikey. He bats the happy-face balls
away. They hit Chunk. Mouth rips it off Data's head.
Data joins Brand, Ron and Patrick.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
(winks to Mikey)
When's, you-know-who, coming?
MIKEY
(whispers)
Ssshh! Soon!
(beat)
Don't let him hear you, dufus.
Chunk covers his mouth. Brand stumbles over to Mikey, with
a bottle of beer.
BRAND
(slurs)
Mikey, did I ever tell you...
(pause)
... you're like my favorite brother,
in the whole world?
Brand hugs Mikey. Mikey pushes him off and rolls his eyes.
MIKEY
Yeah Brand, I know...
BRAND
Oh wait, I did?
(beat)
Man, I AM wasted! Ha-ha! You're
such a retard!
Mikey laughs, drinking his beer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
19.
BRAND (CONT'D)
You know, dad woulda' passed out,
about four hours ago. God, what a
lightweight!
MIKEY
That's where you get it from!
Brand looks confused. Mikey laughs.
Chunk grabs a handful of PEANUTS and throws them at Data.
DATA
(startled)
What the...?
He looks around and sees Chunk laughing.
DATA (CONT'D)
CHUNK! You're one dead dude! Only
a complete moron would even
contemplate messing with Gadget-man.
Chunk throws more nuts, unperturbed. Data grabs a handful
and raises his hand up.
DATA (CONT'D)
I declare that the battle of nut
throwing... shall commence!
CHUNK
(pirate's voice)
Why, them be fighting words, me
laddie.
(roars)
Aahh!
Data throws them at Chunk. Waitress #1 walks over to the
table, but seeing the commotion, she leaves. Mouth nudges
Brand, while looking at the waitress and grins. Brand ignores
him. Data and Chunk stop playing.
DATA
Hey, listen to me you guys...
He bangs his fists hard down on the table.
DATA (CONT'D)
Thanks for dragging you're butts
back to good ol' Astoria.
(pause)
So far, it's been awesome! Just
like the good old days.
BRAND
(hollers)
More like the worst days of my life!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20.
DATA
Ah, Brandon! Still killing us with
your humor!
(beat)
Anyways, I know I had some beer, and
some vodka...
(points to a random
person)
... and some of that person's drink,
but I'm not drunk...
(pause)
... yet!
He wipes sweat away from his forehead.
DATA (CONT'D)
Now I forget my point.
MIKEY
Less o' the talkin' and more with
the drinking!
CLAPPING. Data stumbles to his seat. Mouth throws his arms
around him.
MOUTH
I wuv you too, Data! Gimme' one
last kiss. Come on. I won't tell
Emma!
(beat)
It'll be our little secret!
Data shakes him off.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
(mimicking Frank 'n'
Furter from Rocky
Horror Picture Show)
... but wouldn't it be NICE!
He puckers up his lips.
DATA
Yeah, why not? Put it right here.
(laughs)
Right on the cheek.
(points to his ass)
This one!
Mikey looks at his watch. The brown leather wristband is
faded. Logo of Astoria Museum. He takes it off and turns
it over, revealing, 'Like Father like Son'. He smiles.
Erik joins Mikey and Data. He wears a pair of thick, black,
round glasses and jingles his car keys.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
21.
ERIK
I don't think I can stay late tonight.
I gotta' do a couple of things back
at the store.
(beat)
And I have to get up early tomorrow.
DATA
Hey! Don't go! Relax. Have a beer.
That's Pepsi talkin'!
(pause)
We've only been here for like, five
hours!
Chunk staggers over.
CHUNK
(hollers)
Hey! I'll getch yer a real drink
Erk.
ERIK
That's Erik, actually.
CHUNK
See. You NEED alcohol.
(beat)
Dang!
He throws an arm around Erik. Hiccuping, he scours the bar
for Jerry.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Hey, Jez!
(pause)
'nother bud, please!
Jerry chuckles. Erik shakes his head.
ERIK
No, thanks. I'm driving.
(beat)
One Pepsi, please.
JERRY
You got it.
Chunk smiles oddly at Erik.
Mouth suddenly BURPS.
DATA
Damn! Six and I'm being generous!
(beat)
My sister could kick your ass!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
22.
MOUTH
Ah shut-up!
(beat)
You wanna' hear somethin' real juicy?
(pause)
One day after school, I saw Miss
Wagner's BOOBS!
MIKEY
Her boobs?
(beat)
Yeah right! Whatever, Mouth! Ya'
lyin' red-neck.
MOUTH
I did too! She had the HOTTEST pair
a'...
He mimes grabbing breasts.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
... mommas, that I've EVER seen!
SILENCE.
MIKEY
Dream on, lame-o!
Chunk and Data look dumfounded.
BRAND
You're so full of it! You didn't
see a goddamn thing. Besides...
(pause)
... she had fakes anyway!
SHOCK. He raises his eyebrows suspiciously.
Waitress #2 brings another round of drinks. Mouth flirts,
but she ignores him.
DATA
WHAT? That's not possible!
(beat)
They were always so perky.
BRAND
So go figure!
(pause)
I always excelled in "French".
DATA
I hate fakes!
MIKEY
Me too!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
23.
CHUNK
(translated in French
for 'Me three')
Moi trois.
(pause)
Hey, Erik? Would ya' pass me yer
nuts please?
Mouth raises his eyebrows, suggestively and smiles.
Erik looks confused. He sits next to Mikey.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Gross Mouth! Grow up!
MIKEY
You are so WEIRD!
(beat)
I worry about you. A LOT!
Brand, Ron and Patrick laugh.
BRAND
Well, these guys caused me nothin'
but trouble growin' up. Couldn't go
anywhere without 'em...
MIKEY
... beggin' or whinin' for something.
We know!
BRAND
(pip-squeak voice)
Exactly!
(beat)
They were like Brand, take me to the
Dairy Queen!
Chunk looks shocked.
BRAND (CONT'D)
Brand, pump my inhaler for me?
Mikey looks annoyed.
BRAND (CONT'D)
Shoulda' charged your asses. Probably
coulda' paid my car off sooner.
MOUTH
But wait!
(pause)
Was it three or four times, till you
passed Driver's Ed, Brand?
(beat)
I forget.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24.
Mouth BURPS FEROCIOUSLY. GASPING SOUNDS.
MIKEY
Oooh gross, dude! Eight and a half.
CHUNK
Better.
(beat)
Gotta' work on the delivery more.
BRAND
At least I HAD a car, Dumb-ass.
Beats driving your dad's plumbin'
van to the prom!
(pause)
Classy.
MOUTH
Whatever... BUTT-MUNCH!
(beat)
At least I got to make out in that
van. History was made. A lot a'
love went on inside that baby!
MIKEY
So sad, Mouth!
MOUTH
You guys are just jealous!
(pause)
YOU'RE the loser. Hangin' with your
little brother's friends.
(beat)
No friends your own age, Brandy?
SILENCE. Brand talks with Ron and Patrick.
CUT TO:
INT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER
Nancy walks in dressed like a COP. Her brown hair is tucked
into a police hat. Seeing the group, she walks over
cautiously.
NANCY
(nervously)
Is Ricky Wang here?
MIKEY
Huh?
(pause)
Oh hi!
(points Data out)
Right over there.
He looks his watch. Confusion.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
25.
DATA
What's going on guys?
LOUD BANGING on tables.
Nancy walks over to Data.
NANCY
Ricky Wang...
DATA
Data's fine.
NANCY
Okay. Data, I'm arresting you for
being drunk and very disorderly.
Step away from the bar an' put your
hands behind your head.
(pause)
You're coming with me. Now!
CHUNK
Do it Data! Do as she says now you,
lucky bastard!
MOUTH
Hey, hot stuff!
He whistles to get Nancy's attention.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Why don't you bring those cuffs over
'ere? I'll show you how to REALLY
use 'em.
MIKEY
(laughs)
Someone's been a naughty boy!
He taps Data's face as he walks past.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
I'm gonna' have to tell Emma how bad
you've been!
Nancy marches Data away.
Mikey waves over to her to come back. Data waits anxiously.
Chunk grabs Data's coat and gives it to him.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Hey, thought you were, uh... blonde?
He looks at his watch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
26.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Early too!
(beat)
Anyways...
NANCY
(worried)
... Oh, I...
MIKEY
Never mind! Like we agreed. A
private strip and back, okay?
(beat)
The room's right around back.
(points to Jerry)
Ask Jerry where the...
(winks)
..."interrogation" room is.
NANCY
No problem. I'll be real gentle
with him, handsome.
(pause)
Here's my bill.
She takes out a NOTE.
MIKEY
Oh, no, no, no! I took care of that
already.
NANCY
Please, take it. Its' got my number
on there... in case you guys wanna'
call me up again sometime.
MIKEY
You never know, sure! Have fun.
WOLF WHISTLES. Mikey puts the note in his pocket.
Data and Nancy leave.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
(shouts)
See you later bud. Ta-ta!
MOUTH
(shouts louder)
Make sure you do whatever I woulda'
done!
He makes a growling noise and tickles Chunk's stomach and
sides.
CHUNK
You animal!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
27.
MOUTH
You wanna' piece a' me?
CUT TO:
INT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER
Mouth and Chunk play a staring competition. Seconds later,
Chunk blinks. Mouth boasts victoriously, waving his arms in
the air and jumping up and down, mimicking Sylvester Stallone
in 'Rocky'.
CHUNK
Okay, Cocky Balboa. Enough already!
Mikey drinks his beer.
ERIK
Where's she taking him?
MIKEY
She's giving him a little one on
one, if you know what I mean!
BRAND
Hey Mike. Thought we booked blonde?
MIKEY
Yeah. Guess there was a mix-up or
something.
(beat)
I prefer women to be more natural
looking, ya' know? She was a cutey.
MOUTH
To be perfectly honest, I don't care.
I mean, if all the parts are in the
right places, I'm easy!
Chunk opens his mouth.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Shut-up Chunk! Don't even go there!
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER
More glassware and empty bottles of beer on the table. Ron
is asleep. Patrick, Chunk and Mouth are drawing all over his
back.
A BLONDE STRIPPER, dressed as a cop arrives and walks over
to Mikey. Mouth does a double-take. She looks sexy.
BLONDE STRIPPER
Is this the Walsh booking?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
28.
MIKEY
Uh-huh.
(beat)
Can I help you with something?
Mouth drops his pen and goes over to them. Chunk shakes his
head, but follows.
BLONDE STRIPPER
I have a warrant, for a... Data?
(beat)
Could you point him out to me please?
MOUTH
Happy hour! Buy one get one free! I
love it!
(beat)
Mikey you rock! Thanks man, woohoo!
Confusion.
MIKEY
Warrant... what the?
(beat)
Sorry Miss, think there's been a mix-
up. The stripper, I mean lady, left
about a half-hour ago! Sorry!
He shrugs his shoulder and heads for the rest-room.
BLONDE STRIPPER
(angrily)
What the...?
She STORMS OUT of the bar.
MOUTH
(shouts)
Hey! Don't leave! You're breaking
my heart.
(to Mikey)
I take that back, dude. You SUCK!
Mouth starts to follow her, but Chunk pulls him back by the
scruff of his collar.
CHUNK
Hey! This ain't your night. Wait
your turn.
(pause)
I'll book yer three.
MOUTH
Lawrence, that is so sweet of you.
You're such a great friend.
(pause)
Need a little lovin' tonight?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
29.
CHUNK
WHAT? Cut it out!
MOUTH
(female voice)
I think Chunky wants a little spank
here, or maybe here...
Drunkenly, he slaps Chunk's ass.
CHUNK
Back off, PSYCHO!
(beat)
I prefer 'em sane!
MOUTH
Get over yourself, dude.
(pause)
So how's Eydie? She's lookin' kinda'
hot.
CHUNK
(laughing)
Stay away from my sister, and the
rest of my family! PSYCHO!
He holds his fingers up like a cross. Mouth backs off
laughing. He stares at Erik, making him nervous.
Mikey returns from the rest-room.
MOUTH
(to Chunk)
Jerk.
Mikey laughs and takes the note from his pocket. Alarmed,
he shows it to Brand.
CUT TO:
INT. BACHELORRETE PARTY -- NIGHT
A male stripper dressed as a SEXY FIREMAN arrives outside
the house. PARTY NOISE and LOUD MUSIC.
He rings the DOORBELL. Andy answers it.
ANDY
Hello?
(pause)
... Oh hi! Come on in! We've been
waiting for you.
FIREMAN
Hi, I'm Mark. This is the
bachelorette party for Emma Rickman?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
30.
ANDY
Yes, yes, come in. Wait just a sec.
(shouts)
EMMA! EMMA! I think the neighbors
called the fire brigade. Something
about smoke from your kitchen. You
better get out here!
FIREMAN
(flirtatiously)
What's your name?
He smiles. Pearly white teeth.
ANDY
Uh, Andy.
FIREMAN
Cute. I dig the whole girls with
boys names thing.
(beat)
Very sexy.
SILENCE.
FIREMAN (CONT'D)
So, Andy, are you free later? Maybe
we could grab a coffee?
ANDY
I'm kinda' busy right now...
Emma arrives in a panic.
Talking frantically...
EMMA
Ohmygod, what's going on? Are we on
fire? We just decorated! What's
happening? Andy, what's going on?
FIREMAN
Good evening, Ma'am. My name is
Mark.
Emma looks confused. Andy is relieved.
FIREMAN (CONT'D)
We received a call this evening about
a fire and I'm here to "investigate"
it.
EMMA
(frantically)
Where are the others?
She looks over his shoulder. Nobody.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
31.
EMMA (CONT'D)
Just you?
She leaves.
EMMA (CONT'D)
(shouts)
Mark, I don't see anything.
(faintly from another
room)
Mark where'd you go?
SEXY LOUD MUSIC. SCREAMING. Emma rushes back to the sight
of the topless fireman in the living room.
CROWD
SURPRISE!
CHEERING. PARTY POPPERS. Stef takes a photo of Emma's
reaction with her camera.
STEF
Go get your fire hose! Woohoo!
Quickly, before I do!
ANDY
Hey! Save me a piece. I won't tell
Data if you won't!
(pause)
Whatchya' waiting for?
EMMA
I-I don't know what to say!
(pause)
Who did this?
She looks at everyone.
FIREMAN
(mimics Austin Power's
voice badly)
Enough chit-chat! Now march your
little unmarried butt over here, and
bring the lotion baby, yeah!
CROWD
Yeah! Get it off! Get it off! Go
Emma!
Stef takes photos of Emma oiling down the fireman.
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- NIGHT
A two-storey, arc shaped metal-roofed railroad building.
Scraps of metal. Old, rusty train wheels. Lots of trees.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
32.
Scaffolding.
A SIGN outside, "Scrub Before You Rub - Help Preserve No.21".
An old, 80-TON LOCOMOTIVE, with THREE carriages. Work tools
everywhere. A Buick is parked outside.
It's raining.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- NIGHT
A large central, workstation area. Train parts. Numerous
tools and worker's uniforms hang from walls.
To the right, a short stairwell leading upstairs. Totally
exposed.
To the left, a small office. Large pie charts and newspaper
cuttings on walls. Old photos of trains on a desk. A simple
donations chart hangs on the door.
A small T.V, bowl of fruit, two chairs, cupboards and an old
computer.
Lou is sitting in one chair, smoking a cigar. The T.V is
on. The picture is in black and white.
Nancy, dressed in jeans and jacket, walks into the office,
looking tired and wet from the rain. Her brown hair is tied
up into a ponytail and her make-up is hardly visible. She
now appears plain.
LOU
Hello, darling. Come sit down.
(beat)
You okay?
(beat)
Where's the kid?
Nancy kisses Lou and sits next to him.
NANCY
Out cold in the Buick.
(pause)
What now, baby?
LOU
I'll get Francis. Don't look so
worried, darling. Everything's going
to be fine.
NANCY
We're just scaring 'em right, Louie?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
33.
LOU
Don't worry 'bout it. We're just
using these kids to keep our hands
clean. You follow?
Nancy shakes her head.
LOU (CONT'D)
Uh...
(pause)
... why bark when you buy yourself a
dog?
Nothing.
LOU (CONT'D)
It's a good thing you look so good
the way you do.
Nancy smiles, obliviously.
FOOTSTEPS THUMPING LOUDLY on the stairs. Francis enters.
FRANCIS
What she raggin' about? You wanna'
get paid, don't ya'?
Nancy nods. Lou is flustered.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
So quit worrying about the kid and
go get us some coffee.
(beat)
I'm freezing my ass off in here! Go
look for the heater too. Jesus,
this dump's filthy.
LOU
You can talk!
(beat)
You better start learnin' some manners
son. Apologize to my lady friend.
(mumbles)
Rude sonofabitch.
SILENCE.
LOU (CONT'D)
I said NOW you good for nothin' piece
a' sh...
FRANCIS
OKAY! I'm sorry, Nancy. Okay?
(pause)
I'd love a cuppa' coffee. Fix
yourself somethin' nice.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
34.
He looks around. MESS. Shrugs his shoulders.
Nancy spots a kettle in the cupboard. She takes it out and
leaves.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Where's that useless brother o' mine?
Jake walks in, wet from the rain. He sniffs.
JAKE
What was that?
FRANCIS
Nothin'.
(beat)
What the hell a' you been doin' out
there huh?
(pause)
Did you wake 'im up yet?
JAKE
For Christ sake's, Franky! Gimme'
me a break. You keep goin' on and
on.
He takes his jacket off and hangs it on a hook behind the
door. He puts his hat on the hook.
JAKE (CONT'D)
I think we killed him.
(pause)
Just kidding!
(to Lou)
You want me to bring him in now?
Lou shakes his head.
FRANCIS
Let him sweat it out. No one did us
no favors inside.
JAKE
You got that right.
Jake sees a broken piece of MIRROR on the wall. He grooms
himself. Francis looks at him, shaking his head.
Nancy enters with the steaming, boiled kettle. She makes
four coffees.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Just don't screw things up, okay?
FRANCIS
ME screw up?
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
35.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Listen Romeo, focus on the plan first.
(points to his face)
Worry 'bout your ugly mug later.
JAKE
You always gotta' be the smart-ass
'round here.
FRANCIS
You got that right.
JAKE
Always an answer to everything. You
have to have the last word. Pathetic,
you know that?
LOU
Jesus Christ! Quit it!
(beat)
You're not kids no more. Why the
hell they let you out beats me.
Everyone shut-up, sit down and drink
the goddamn coffee.
Nancy sits beside Lou. Her hand is on his thigh.
Francis and Jake stand drinking their coffees. Jake's face
turns sour at the taste of his coffee.
JAKE
No sugar round here?
He looks at Nancy. She shrugs her shoulders.
LOU
You both listen to me. I know what
I'm doing.
JAKE
You know, Louie. There's a part o'
me that thinks those kids are gonna'
call the cops.
(pause)
What if they do? What next?
FRANCIS
They're not kids no more!
LOU
Okay! 'sa figure a speech. Old and
fat don't mean stupid.
(pause)
Your uncle Lou knows a couple a'
things on psychology.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
36.
LOU (CONT'D)
Of course, back in my day, we just
called it figurin' out what the other
guy was thinkin'.
(pause)
Talking reflectively...
LOU (CONT'D)
When you got your gang 'round you,
all it takes is a bit a' positive
thinkin', and all of a sudden, you're
takin' on shit you can't handle.
(beat)
These kids'll come here, thinkin'
they can handle us, not wanting to
call our bluff.
FRANCIS
Yeah, well a lotta' things've changed
since your time, Louie.
LOU
If we didn't already have the kid
outside, I'd walk outta' here for
you two to deal with them on your
own, smart-ass. Now finish your
drinks and get 'im ready.
CUT TO:
INT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER
Mouth, Chunk, Erik and the waitresses are preoccupied watching
Ron and Patrick making funny shapes from lighting SIP STRAWS
and fusing them together. Mikey holds out the note to Brand.
MIKEY
Brand, look at this. It's the
Fratelli's. They got Data.
(points to the note)
Look!
He rubs his forehead. Brand snatches the note from Mikey.
BRAND
Lemme' see.
Mikey's breathing quickens.
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- NIGHT
SILENTLY, Jake and Francis carry Data out from the Buick.
He is blindfolded and cuffed. It's RAINING. Data starts
wriggling, causing Jake to slip on the mud.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
37.
Data falls and hit his face on the wheel-arch. He lays
unconscious on the muddy ground.
BRAND (V.O.)
"Hey fellas, it's been a while.
Sorry to break up the party. Bring
the centerpiece chest from the museum,
tonight. Meet us at the Railroad
Preservation site and wait by the
locomotive. Be there at three and
wait for us. DO NOT call the cops
or you'll never see him again. We're
DEADLY serious".
CUT TO:
INT. STINGERS BAR -- CONTINUOUS
Brand looks at Mikey.
BRAND
Okay, I think they mean business.
MIKEY
What are we gonna' do? I can't
believe this is really happening.
(beat)
We should tell the others now.
(pause)
How the hell did they get out?
Confusion.
BRAND
Man I'm too drunk for this crap.
(sighs deeply)
Okay.
(pause)
Just tell Chunk and Mouth. We gotta'
figure somethin' out first.
(beat)
Everything's gonna' be okay. You
got it?
MIKEY
What about the girls?
(beat)
Think we should call 'em up? What
about Emma?
Brand gives the note back.
BRAND
I said we'll figure somthin' out.
(pause)
Bring out the gimps.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
38.
He nods back over to Chunk and Mouth.
BRAND (CONT'D)
We'll give 'em this centerpiece and
have Data back before ya' know it.
He pats Mikey affectionately and grabs his coat.
BRAND (CONT'D)
Meet me outside.
He leaves.
Mikey taps Chunk and Mouth on the back.
MIKEY
Hey, guys. Come here, quickly!
MOUTH
Wait! You gotta' see what Ron an'
Patrick made.
He holds up two straw-stick figures, that look like two karate
guys.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
They're so friggin' cool. I gotta'
learn how to make 'em.
CHUNK
(to Ron and Patrick)
You do realize what you guys have
done, right?
Ron and Patrick shake their heads. Erik lights up a straw
himself. The plastic tip melts and sticks to his finger.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
He's only gonna' stay up all night,
probably every night, making little
pornographic women.
(beat)
He's very sick and most definitely
twisted.
LAUGHTER.
Mikey looks frustrated. He pulls Chunk and Mouth back. The
others carry on.
Mikey whispers...
MIKEY
Don't say another word. Just listen,
Okay?
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
39.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
(beat)
The Fratelli's... they got Data.
(pause)
I know this sounds crazy but it's
true.
CHUNK
(laughs)
The who?
(beat)
Fratelli's?
(pause)
Are you crazy?
Disbelief.
MOUTH
Ha-ha. Very funny.
He shakes his head.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
(sympathetically)
Mike, you never could tell a joke
well.
He drinks his beer.
Frustration.
MIKEY
Listen to me goddammit! The stripper,
that just left, she's the real
stripper. The Fratelli's sent the
brunette.
(beat)
She gave me this.
He takes out the note and gives it to Chunk.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
I already paid the agency. I figured
she just wanted to hook up again.
Mouth raises an eyebrow in disbelief. Chunk looks concerned.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Brand's waiting outside.
(beat)
We gotta' figure something out.
He puts his hand on Mouth's back.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Tell the others we'll be back later.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
40.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Tell 'em anything. Use your
imagination.
Mouth nods and re-joins the others.
Mikey and Chunk grab their jackets and leave.
CUT TO:
EXT. STINGERS BAR -- LATER
It's raining. Mikey and Chunk shelter under a canopy with
Brand. He takes the note from Mikey's hand and puts it in
his pocket.
MIKEY
I got a bad feeling about this.
How'd they know about tonight?
(beat) *
I mean, when'd they get released?
He takes slow, deep breaths. The combination of shock and
cold air seems to be sobering them up.
CHUNK
I didn't know they could get released.
(beat)
Man the judicial system sucks!
BRAND
I dunno. I had no idea they were
out.
(beat)
You think we woulda' heard, or
somebody mighta' said somethin' to
us.
(pause)
People suck!
MIKEY
Got that right.
Mikey's breathing quickens. Brand notices.
CHUNK
My article last month.
(pause)
It's gotta' be my fault. They musta'
figured it out that way, right?
BRAND
You don't know that, dude.
(pause)
Besides, why Data?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
41.
MIKEY
Why any of us?
(beat)
Maybe they read about the chest at
the museum... and I dunno' just picked
one of us randomly.
(beat)
It doesn't make sense.
He takes out his inhaler. Pause. He puts it back in his
pocket.
BRAND
Quit it the pair of you! All's we
know is what they want and how they
want it. We keep this to ourselves,
got it?
MIKEY
I know, you're right.
Chunk nods.
BRAND
We can't tell anyone. Chunk, you
got that?
(Chunk nods again)
Come on, we gotta' pull together.
(beat)
Take some deep breaths, Mike.
Mouth arrives wearing his coat and holding an umbrella.
CHUNK
What did you bring that for, you big
sissy?
MOUTH
Hey! It took me over an hour to get
my hair right.
(to Mikey and Brand)
Hey guys, what's happening?
MIKEY
We gotta' go to the museum and take
the chest to the Fratelli's.
MOUTH
A friggin' chest ...that's it?
(beat)
What about the cops?
(beat)
What if someone sees us? What are
we supposed to say?
(pause)
Com'on guys! This is totally
ridiculous!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
42.
He paces with the umbrella and strikes them with the wires.
They look pissed off.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
They say jump and we say...
MIKEY
... g'bye if you don't listen stoopid.
(sighs)
Lemme' finish, Mighty Mouth!
MOUTH
Finish what, Mike? Huh?
Chunk snatches the umbrella away . Mouth gets wet from a
hole in the canopy. He looks annoyed. The others laugh.
He sighs loudly.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
How 'bout, oh, I dunno'... something
like...
(coughs)
... excuse me Mr. Officer? We had
to steal this treasure and take it
to a couple o' recently released ex-
pen, PSYCHO brothers.
(beat)
Who, by the way, happen ta' get their
kicks out of tormenting little kids,
and who also happen to be holding
our soon-to-be married friend hostage?
SILENCE.
Mikey opens his mouth about to speak but Mouth continues.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention
the fact that this wannabe groom
might not actually live to experience
his own wedding, if we're even just
a second late?
(beat)
So you mind hurrying this up?
TENSION. Brand lights up a cigarette. Mouth clicks his
fingers for a cigarette also. Brand gives him one and they
both smoke.
Mikey and Chunk shake their heads.
MIKEY
(huffs)
Finished? Rant over? You big baby!
(pause)
Didn't you quit?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
43.
MOUTH
Did being the operative word.
Exhaling smoke.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
There's nothing like a trip down
memory lane with those Italian retards
to make you wanna' light up again!
(pause)
Anyways, moving on to the bigger
issue...
MIKEY
Listen! I have a key.
(beat)
I can say I was working late and you
guys were waiting for me to finish
up?
CHUNK
And get there how exactly? We can't
drive. None of us can, Superman.
He checks his watch.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
I been drinking all day... and y'all
look worse than me.
(beat)
Granted this cold's helping, but
shit, I'm so drunk I couldn't tell
yer the difference between a Mazda
RX8 and a Nissan 350Z right now.
MOUTH
What the hell kinda' foulness jus'
came outta' yer mouth? That's
disgraceful.
(beat)
Go recite last month's copy of Top
Gear!
Mouth yawns and grabs Chunk's neck, laughing feebly.
BRAND
(yawning)
What about whats-his-face? Erik?
The others nod.
BRAND (CONT'D)
He's been drinkin' soda all night.
He'll drive. We'll explain on the
way.
(beat)
Agreed?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
44.
CHUNK
Cool.
MIKEY
(enthusiastically)
Good idea bro! Mouth, bring him out
here.
MOUTH
(yawning)
Why me? He's scared a' me!
(beat)
I swear to you, the guy thinks I'm a
complete freak!
CHUNK
(laughs yawning)
You ARE a freak! Everyone's scared
of you!
(beat)
He just needs to be around ya' for a
while.
LAUGHTER. Mikey yawns. He jumps up and down twice to wake
up.
BRAND
Fast learner!
MOUTH
True.
CHUNK
What's good 'nuff for you Mike's,
good 'nuff fer me.
MOUTH
(yawning loudly)
Uh-a-ya-ya-ya-yah!
CHUNK
(yawns)
Quit it, you're makin' me yawn.
(beat)
I'll get him.
Chunk leaves.
Mikey gets his inhaler out.
BRAND
No-one's gonna' get hurt. I even
feel like kicking-ass tonight!
(pause)
Just gotta' sober up first.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
45.
MIKEY
(with inhaler in mouth)
How 'bout a fast track lesson on ass-
kicking on the way?
He takes a long, deep breath from it.
MOUTH
Old Limp-Lungs returns!
Mikey whistles and sticks his middle finger up at Mouth.
Mouth whistles back and does the same, squinting his eyes
childishly.
BRAND
Quit it, you morons.
MOUTH
They don't know who they're messing
with. I mean, we ain't exactly kids
anymore.
Brand tilts his head to one side and raises his eyebrows.
Mouth turns to Mikey, with his back facing Brand.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Have you even seen Brand's arms
lately?
Brand smiles. Mikey leans to one side and nods.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Quit hogging the ol' lung-sucker!
(beat)
Hit me, dude.
Mouth stands with his mouth wide open. Mikey reluctantly
holds the inhaler and inserts it and squeezes the pump.
Mouth coughs.
Mikey laughs and wipes the mouth-piece clean.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Well, that explains your breath!
(beat)
That some nasty shi...
MIKEY
Dude, d'you ever shut-up? Seriously.
Mouth moves his fingers across his mouth like he is zipping
it shut. Chunk returns with Erik.
ERIK
Hey. I hear you guys need a ride?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
46.
MIKEY
Yeah... we need to drop by the museum.
(pause)
I left something behind and Data
needs it.
ERIK
Now? Thought he went off with the
stripper?
MIKEY
We'll explain on the way, man. Let's
go.
They all run to Erik's CAR in the rain.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- NIGHT
Data slowly wakes up and gazes around the room. A double-
take. He sees Nancy. She is sitting quietly reading a
magazine and Lou is watching T.V. He realizes he's ties up.
Jake and Francis can be heard ARGUING.
POUNDING RAIN drowns out the noise of the T.V, which isn't
working properly. Lou hits it.
DATA
Hey lady, am I dreaming?
(beat)
Where are we?
NANCY
(whispers)
Honey, if I were you, I'd stay quiet.
LOU
Oh look! Sleeping beauty is awake!
(shouts)
Hey boys, get over here!
Talking frantically...
DATA
Who are you? What's going on? Where
am I?
He starts wriggling in his chair, getting increasingly
panicked.
LOU
One question at a time!
(beat)
I'm Lou.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
47.
LOU (CONT'D)
Usually, I would say it's nice to
meet you, but under the circumstances,
I don't think it's appropriate.
Data looks confused. Lou, carrying an ashtray, gets up and
walks over to the window and opens it a little. LOUDER
POUNDING RAIN. He shakes his head and empties the cigar
butts from the ashtray.
He shuts the window. The rain is less noisy.
LOU (CONT'D)
You been sleeping like a baby. Rough
night, uh?
(beat)
The boys'll, they'll be out soon.
DATA
Who? Mikey?
LOU
What? Speak up kid, my ears don't
work so good.
(beat)
I can't hear a goddamn thing with
those monkeys out there. Those
Fratelli brothers are a nightmare,
you know that.
Shock.
DATA
Fratelli? What?...
(pause)
You got the wrong guy. I don't
know what you think I did, but Sir,
I swear I didn't do it!
He wriggles in his chair.
LOU
(laughs)
You hear that! Sir!
(beat)
Get a loada' that!
CUT TO:
INT. BACHELORRETE PARTY -- LATER
Semi-naked women asleep on floors, chairs and stairwell.
COMPLETE MESS.
Emma is sleeping in her bed.
Andy and Stef are in the kitchen tidying up.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
48.
A SUDDEN BEEPING NOISE. Andy receives a text message on her
cell phone. It displays Brand's name. She makes a call on
her phone.
TENSION.
Andy looks worried, then holds up five fingers to Stef. She
hangs up the phone and they grab their jackets.
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S CAR -- NIGHT
Erik honks the CAR HORN twice. Mikey gets out to greet the
girls. He lifts his jacket over his head.
ANDY
Hey! Thanks for picking us up!
(beat)
There enough room?
MIKEY
Hey, Andy. We'll make room.
He pops his head back in the car.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Everybody out! Before they drown
out here!
Brand and Chunk exit from the rear doors.
Mikey takes his jacket off and puts it over the girls.
Brand smiles at Andy. She winks back.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Hey, Stef!
STEF
Hey, Mike.
MIKEY
You wanna' sit in the middle?
STEF
Whatever, dude. I don't care!
Stef gets in the back-seat. Mouth is sitting in the corner.
She nods to him. An AWKWARD SILENCE. Brand follows.
MIKEY
Andy, think you could lay in the
back?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
49.
ANDY
Yeah sure.
(to Brand and Mouth)
You guys don't mind?
Brand takes her hand.
ANDY (CONT'D)
What is up with this rain? Hasn't
stopped all day!
Andy lays across Stef, Brand and Mouth.
Mikey shuts the door and gets back in front. Chunk is waiting
outside.
STEF
(to Mouth)
Hey, whassup?
MOUTH
Cool, considering. An' you?
STEF
Okay, considering.
AWKWARD SILENCE.
SUDDEN BANGING on the window. Stef and Andy jump.
CHUNK
HELLO! It is still raining out here!
(pause)
You guys planning on dragging my ass
all the way?
Mikey rolls down his window.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
(ranting)
You're not leaving me out like last
time guys, 'cos that sucked!
(beat)
I'm coming. Data's my friend too
and...
MIKEY
SHUT-UP, CHUNK!
(beat)
Just get in the back.
CHUNK
There's no room!
He points to the back seat.
Mouth starts singing, to the tune of "Thong Song".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
50.
MOUTH
(laughing
uncontrollably)
We got Chunk in the TRUNK, trunk
trunk, the guy's like what, what,
what! Baby move your butt, butt,
butt...
Everyone rolls their eyes. Mikey gets out of the car. Chunk
is very wet.
MIKEY
Man, you're really starting to piss
me off!
He looks at his watch.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Come on, it's nearly midnight!
CHUNK
(to Mouth)
Moron.
MIKEY
(to Chunk)
That's actually not a bad idea. You
mind riding in the trunk, man?
CHUNK
Fine! Just take it easy with the
bumps.
(beat)
I get sick real easy.
MIKEY
I know.
Chunk gets in the trunk. Mikey covers him with a blanket.
Chunk nods appreciatively. Mikey winks back and closes the
trunk.
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S CAR -- MOMENTS LATER
Erik is driving.
ERIK
Mikey, what's happening?
MIKEY
That's a good question.
(beat)
We're still working on the answer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
51.
A lot of shuffling in the back seat. Andy tries to get more
comfortable.
MOUTH
Andy-girl! Did you put on weight?
(beat)
I think I lost both my legs!
BRAND
Quit it Mouth! That's not funny.
He looks at her.
BRAND (CONT'D)
She looks great.
Andy smiles at Brand. They maintain EYE CONTACT. Stef rolls
her eyes.
MOUTH
I was just kidding, okay?
(pause)
Andy, I didn't mean it. You look
gorgeous, as always.
Andy smiles reassuringly. Stef blanks Mouth. TENSION.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Uh, you look... nice too, Stef.
STEF
Thanks.
MOUTH
So, how the fish doing?
STEF
Dolphins are mam...
MOUTH
... mammals not fish. I was just
kidding.
(beat)
Of course I remember.
STEF
Hilarious.
(pause)
Will you grow up... like ever?
MOUTH
I'm just trying to be nice!
He wriggles uncomfortably.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
52.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
I'll keep my mouth shut from now on.
God!
STEF
Whatever.
She gets a STICK OF GUM from her purse and CHEWS LOUDLY.
She turns to face Brand and Andy more.
MIKEY
What's going on back there?
BRAND
We're cool, Mikey.
MIKEY
(shouts)
Chunk, you okay?
CHUNK
(faintly)
I'm fine!
They arrive at the MUSEUM.
Brand, Mikey and Mouth get out. They help Chunk out of the
trunk. He sits up front with Erik. Mikey nods to Chunk to
stay inside.
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA MUSEUM -- NIGHT
POUNDING RAIN. Mikey, Brand and Mouth run around the back
of the museum. They wait near the rear door, huddling under
a small tree.
MIKEY
Alright guys, follow me. I need two
sets a' keys from my office.
(beat)
You gotta' watch out for the cameras.
We'll get the keys, then you can
both go to security, and switch 'em
off.
MOUTH
Great security!
Brand nudges him.
MIKEY
Listen! It's the room at the end a'
the hall.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
53.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
(beat)
Turn off the video recorders and
meet me back in the display area.
Mikey opens the rear door. They enter.
CUT TO:
INT. MIKEY'S OFFICE -- LATER
Mouth and Brand wait inside the doorway. Certificates and
old photos of Mikey's friends and family hang on a pin-board
behind his desk. A photo of Mikey and his dad on graduation
day. Mikey smiles. He finds the KEYS in the top drawer.
MIKEY
Here goes nothing!
He throws a key over to Brand.
BRAND
We're done. Let's take the chest
and get the hell outta' here.
They leave.
CUT TO:
INT. MUSEUM DISPLAY AREA -- MOMENTS LATER
Mikey unlocks the door. They approach the centerpiece chest.
An awesome sight. An Indiana Jones-type of amazing religious
artifact standing on a 1 foot pedestal. Made of bronze,
every side is covered in hundreds of Holy Crosses, of
different sizes.
It stands upright with a large cross on the front. It's 3
ft tall, 20" wide and 20" deep.
Brand and Mouth are amazed.
MIKEY
Pretty awesome, huh?
BRAND
This is amazing.
(beat)
Christ Mikey, what is it?
MOUTH
What's inside?
(pause)
Is it more rich stuff, Mikey? Open
it!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
54.
MIKEY
Hey chill out! It's locked tighter
than your wallet.
Brand and Mikey laugh.
MOUTH
So rude for someone so naive.
(beat)
I know you didn't mean it.
MIKEY
Sweet.
(beat)
Anyways... we haven't figured a way
to unlock it yet.
MOUTH
Let's just break it open and see
what they're after.
(beat)
No biggie, we turned everythin' off.
MIKEY
Duh! It's not a bank you moron!
He shakes his head.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Jesus, it's probably dated back to
the eighth or ninth century, maybe
even earlier. Look at it!
(sighs)
Unopened and it's still worth a
fortune. I can kiss my career good-
bye if we damage it.
BRAND
The Fratelli's are gonna' break it
open anyways, so what's the
difference?
He yawns.
BRAND (CONT'D)
Besides, if they open it and there's
nothing inside, Data's as good as...
MIKEY
Don't say it! Don't even think it!
MOUTH
Mike's right. Goonies never say
die! Make room people.
He sits opposite the chest.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
55.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Well, looks like we might need a key
or two.
Mikey sighs impatiently.
MIKEY
There's no locks for any keys. Each
a' them crosses pushes in, they're
spring loaded.
(beat)
They may look rusty and stiff, but
they still work. It's almost
definitely some kinda' combination
lock.
BRAND
Just a case a' figuring out the ones
to push right?
Mikey nods.
MOUTH
Mikey look. It isn't "O-N-E'S", is
it?
MIKEY
O-N... who?
(impatiently)
What the hell are you talking about?
MOUTH
One-Eyed Willy's! I hate saying his
name, sounds like we're lusting after
some guy's wiener.
CONFUSION. Mikey mouths the letters 'O, N and E'.
MIKEY
That's O-E-W, stupid!
Brand laughs.
MOUTH
Oh yeah. Sorry.
(beat)
Is it Willy's?
MIKEY
This is way before Willy's time. A
fisherman found it about a year ago.
He thought he hit a rock, 'cos the
boat started leaking everywhere.
(beat)
Anyway Sherlock, we've tried
everything besides blasting this
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
56.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
thing with a blowtorch, and we still
can't get it open.
He paces back and forth.
MOUTH
Why don't we figure out it's points
of weakness?
(beat)
Or, maybe we can figure out a way to
break it open? Startin' to sound
more appealing now, huh?
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER
STEF
What is taking them so long? God!
She chews her gum impatiently.
CHUNK
Damn Stef! What the gum ever do to
you?
STEF
LOOK!
Chunk braces himself.
STEF (CONT'D)
Most people fall off the wagon 'cos
they got stuck in traffic, or 'cos
they had a sucky day, right? Or
'cos the line at the Starbucks was
too long. No, I had a friend
kidnapped and now I'm an accessory
to theft and I'm still on this nasty-
ass gum.
(beat)
So SCREW the gum, okay?
Stef chews louder. TENSION.
CHUNK
I think I should uh... go an' see if
I can help the guys.
Stef sighs.
Chunk leaves. Erik turns to face Andy and Stef.
ERIK
So...
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
57.
ERIK (CONT'D)
(pause)
... Mikey was telling me about some
of those adventures you had as kids.
ANDY
(laughs)
Yeah, you could say we had some
"exceptional" times together.
STEF
WAY too much to go into right now.
(pause)
Haven't seen you out with Data much.
You close?
ERIK
I guess. He's my boss and friend.
He's really good to me.
They all nod.
ERIK (CONT'D)
I keep screwing up at work and he
never loses his rag or anything.
He's always encouraging me.
(beat)
He's something else. I'd really
like to help you guys, you know,
help him.
ANDY
You're doing more than you know.
STEF
Yeah. Thanks for driving us up in
your car.
ERIK
Hey, I'm just glad to help.
(pause)
Think I'm gonna' see if I can help
the others. Feel pretty useless in
here yer know?
STEF
Knock yourself out, man.
ANDY
Let us know if they need anything,
okay?
Erik nods and leaves.
ANDY (CONT'D)
How sweet is he?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
58.
She stretches her arms and legs.
ANDY (CONT'D)
He reminds me of Mikey when he was
little. You know, all wide-eyed and
innocent?
(pause)
Stef, you okay?
Stef nods.
ANDY (CONT'D)
You were a little harsh before. You
know he's really trying to be nice
to you.
STEF
Chunk knows I didn't mean it.
ANDY
Not him.
STEF
Oh.
(pause)
Well I didn't ask him to be nice.
ANDY
Okay, but I think he means well.
STEF
(pause)
I know.
She puts her legs up on Andy's lap. Andy listens carefully.
STEF (CONT'D)
He just knows how to get under my
skin.
(beat)
I hate that! I just wanna' rip his
face off!
(beat)
And there are like other times that
I think that we still have this
connection and...
ANDY
Go on.
STEF
Well, you know. I've moved on with
my life.
(pause)
I just don't think I could take
anymore of his crap.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
59.
ANDY
What's going on Stef?
(pause)
Do you still love him?
STEF
Oh HELL no!
(pause)
Three years together and for what?
Catching him screw around with some
BUTT-UGLY bimbo?
(beat)
Perfect match, if you ask me.
ANDY
I know he messed up.
(beat)
But tonight, well... we gotta' pull
together.
STEF
I know. I still have issues.
(pause)
Pretty stupid, huh?
She pulls out a tissue from her purse and blows her nose
ungracefully.
ANDY
This week, you guys should talk it
over or... move on?
She tickles Stef's legs. They laugh.
STEF
I guess.
(pause)
Congrats on the divorce by the way.
(beat)
Meant to say that earlier.
ANDY
Thanks! I definitely do not recommend
getting one.
(beat)
Just find the right guy, it's much
cheaper!
STEF
Someone like Brand?
Andy smiles.
STEF (CONT'D)
I've seen the way you guys have been
looking at each other.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
60.
ANDY
We're just good friends.
She keeps smiling.
ANDY (CONT'D)
Damn he knows how to stay fit. He's
so sexy...!
STEF
I get the picture!
ANDY
Who knows what could happen?
STEF
You're a nightmare, you know that?
Andy looks shocked.
STEF (CONT'D)
Some people never change!
CUT TO:
INT. MUSEUM DISPLAY AREA -- LATER
Erik joins Mikey, Chunk, Brand and Mouth.
ERIK
Hey guys, what are you doing? Can I
help?
(pause)
Oh WOW, what is that? It's so cool.
He pushes his glasses against his nose.
MIKEY
Oh, hey.
CHUNK
Hey, Erik.
Brand looks tired and stressed. Chunk is looking at artifacts
in the museum. Mouth plays with his lighter. Mikey points
to a caution sign. Mouth puts his lighter away.
MIKEY
(to Erik)
If you can open it, I'll let you
take some of whatever's inside.
He sees Chunk leaning on a statue, half-asleep.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
CHUNK!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
61.
CHUNK
What I do?
MIKEY
One round a' caffeine please!
Chunk nods and yawns. He leaves.
MOUTH
(to Erik)
Are the girls okay?
(pause)
I mean, they're not scared or
anything?
ERIK
What do women usually talk about
when a guy leaves?
Mouth nods, smiling.
ERIK (CONT'D)
You know, the usual. Men.
Mikey chuckles to himself. Mouth and Brand look worried.
ERIK (CONT'D)
What is inside?
MIKEY
When we open it, we'll all find out.
ERIK
Man, it looks ancient.
MOUTH
Mike, kinda' looks like a coffin for
midgets! You think?
(beat)
I mean seriously, what is Gary Coleman
doing these days?
MIKEY
You're sick.
He turns to all of them and looks them in the eyes.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
No more asking me how to open it.
Got it?
They all nod.
Brand is half-asleep. Mouth is deflated.
ERIK
Mikey, do you have a magnifying glass?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
62.
MIKEY
Of course! I'll be right back.
MOUTH
Famous last words.
Mikey goes to the far end of the room.
MIKEY
Erik, go deep!
Mikey holds the magnifying glass up and pretends to throw
it. Erik looks worried.
ERIK
Just kidding!
Chunk returns holding a tray full of coffee. He puts it on
the floor.
CHUNK
I'm going back to the car. This
ain't exactly my area of expertise!
Mikey nods and Chunk leaves.
Mikey gives Erik the magnifying glass. Mouth and Brand slump
to the floor and lean against the wall, sipping their hot
coffees.
Erik takes his keys from his pocket and turns on a small
FLASHLIGHT, which is attached. He points the light through
cracks in the chest.
ERIK
I can see... push rods. Only a few
though.
(pause)
Nowhere near enough for all of 'em.
MIKEY
Okaaaay. What does that mean?
ERIK
It means some of the crosses will
push on something... but most won't.
MIKEY
Like a combination lock?
Erik nods.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Yeah, we kinda' already had that
much.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
63.
ERIK
Yeah. But I can see which ones.
(beat)
Well, I can tell you roughly.
MIKEY
Alright! That's getting us somewhere.
Erik walks around the chest looking through cracks from
different angles. Brand and Mouth watch intensely.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
There had to be a way to remember
which ones to push. Like a pattern.
ERIK
Okay. Then by my reckoning, there's
four to push on.
MIKEY
Four? Four, four, four.
A big smile breaks out across his face. A brilliant
revelation!
MIKEY (CONT'D)
A CROSS! They couldn't resist using
another cross!
MOUTH
Makes sense.
(beat)
Well, as much sense as a midget's
coffin covered in crosses makes sense.
Brand chuckles.
ERIK
Fits with what I have. There's one
on the top, one on the bottom and
one on the left and right.
MIKEY
The bottom?
ERIK
Yeah. That's kinda' confusing me
too.
(pause)
Wouldn't it be depressed now by
standing on it?
MIKEY
No. The base has a lip so they aren't
pressed in. Real smart, really.
Mikey pulls Erik up and tries to move the chest.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
64.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
You have to lay it down to open it.
Everyone assumes you can open it
standing up. Let's lay it on it's
back.
MOUTH
Finally, something to do.
MIKEY
(to Brand)
Hey. You wanna' help us turn it
over?
Brand nods and gets up, obviously stiff from sitting on the
floor. Mouth begrudgingly gets up.
Mikey grabs a cup of coffee and takes a gulp. He checks his
watch.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
We got two hours to open the chest
and get to the old railroad.
Brand bear hugs the chest and lifts it off the pedestal,
lowering it to the ground. He just about manages.
Mikey, Mouth and Erik help him slowly lower it onto it's
back.
MOUTH
Okay, which ones need apushin'?
Mikey and Erik look at each other. Nothing.
ERIK
Logic's worked so far.
(points to a cross)
There's one on each of the sides we
can see, except the top... or front.
MIKEY
Okay, everybody take a side. Start
with the fanciest and biggest crosses.
They kneel and start poking. Lack of organization.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Guys, do any of your crosses look, I
dunno, newer than the others?
MOUTH
I do.
ERIK
Me too.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
65.
BRAND
Kind of.
MIKEY
Okay, so let's ALL push on those at
the same time.
Nothing. Mikey looks confused.
BRAND
Hold on, I got two that look new.
(pause)
Lemme' try the other one.
They press again. A CLANKING NOISE from within the chest.
Erik and Mikey stare at each other. Brand and Mouth look
pleased at best.
Mikey tries to open the chest. Nothing.
MIKEY
Okay again, guys.
They all push again. CLANKING NOISE. With his other hand
Mikey lifts open the chest lid. Mouth and Brand let go of
their crosses. Erik peers around too.
MOUTH
You little Goonies!
He pats Erik and Mikey hard on the back.
ERIK
What's a Goony?
Mikey smiles. Brand rolls his eyes.
MOUTH
Stick with us kid, you might find
out.
(to Mikey)
Hey, remember the oath? How'd it
go?
He holds his arm out dramatically. Mikey sighs.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
I'll never betray my Goon Dock
friends. We'll stick together till
the whole world ends.
He nods over to Mikey.
MIKEY
Through heaven and hell, and nuclear
war... good pals like us'll stick
like tar.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
66.
MOUTH
In the city, country, forest, or the
boonies...
Mikey nudges Brand HARD.
BRAND, MIKEY AND MOUTH
...I'm proudly declared a fellow
Goony!
BRAND
Jesus. I feel like such a loser.
Erik looks at them weirdly. Mouth and Mikey laugh.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- NIGHT
Jake and Francis enter.
Data is tied up in the corner of the room. His eye is bruised
and his clothing is covered in MUD. Lou is watching T.V.
Nancy keeps one eye on Data and the other eye on her magazine.
She appears nervous. Jake walks over to Data. Francis lurks
in the doorway.
JAKE
Hello stranger! Looks like you met
Louie already.
Jake points to Nancy.
JAKE (CONT'D)
You already know, Nancy? Ha-ha!
Fooled ya', didn't we?
Jake hugs Data tightly. Data flinches in pain.
JAKE (CONT'D)
(laughs)
It's good to see you again. How
long's it been? Too long, uh?
Francis walks over to them.
FRANCIS
Lemme' see him, Jake. Move!
He barges past Jake and bends down to Data's level. Data
looks frightened. Eye-to-eye contact. Faces inches apart.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
I remember you.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
67.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
You know, you really don't look so
different... well except for the
shiner you got there. You did that
when you fell.
SILENCE.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Got any tricks up your sleeve?
Data ignores him.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
So you're getting married this
Saturday?
(laughing)
I hope you live to experience it.
You have a beautiful fiancee.
(pause)
Emma is it?
DATA
Emma? How do you know all of this?
Is she here? EMMA!
(threatening)
If you've hurt her, I swear to God,
I'll...
JAKE
(laughing)
Oh, Francis, I think the next part
goes something like... I'll kill
you!
He pinches Data's cheek. Data flinches.
FRANCIS
Okay, Houdini. I'd love to see you
try!
He punches Data in the face. His lip BLEEDS.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Now that one came from me.
JAKE
Hey kid shut-up, okay?
Jake grabs Francis by the arm and pulls him away.
NANCY
Leave him alone you sick bastard!
What the hell is going on here?
(beat)
Louie, you said we were just gonna'
mess around.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
68.
She stands up in protest.
LOU
Sit down! This is between them.
He turns facing Francis.
LOU (CONT'D)
Calm down, what's the madder with
you, eh? Always liked to fight dirty,
just like your father.
(beat)
Stupid sonofabitch. Don't know what
Maria saw in that idiot.
He throws his hands up in the air and comforts Nancy.
LOU (CONT'D)
Shut-up all o'yous! We got plenty
o' time. All amateurs!
(pause)
Your Mama, God rest her soul, she
was just as useless as both o' you.
But at least she knew how to play
the game.
Jake pulls out a roll up and smokes it.
Francis pulls up a chair and sits opposite Data.
FRANCIS
Okay!
(to Data)
Listen, it's very simple. We tricked
her into bringing you here.
Data takes a deep breath.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Now your buddies are makin' their
way up here...
(pause)
... to trade you with some very
expensive merchandise.
He takes an apple from the table and takes out his
POCKETKNIFE. He peels the skin off slowly, near Data's face.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Now they got another hour to get
here, or...
(pause)
... I'm gonna' kill you!
He eats his apple.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
69.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Simple! They bring the goods, or I
kill you. Either way I win. This
is for Ma.
(beat)
You know she died in jail?
Beads of sweat run down Data's face. Jake goes over to Lou
and whispers in his ear.
Lou turns back and watches Francis. Jake walks back over to
Data.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
God bless America! And what a bitch
she is.
JAKE
Hey kid, oh I'm sorry, Data right?
Data nods.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Yeah that's it, I remember now. I
read about you.
(beat)
You're smart, inventing all those
crazy little gadgets! We shoulda'
stayed in school. Maybe, things
would be different now.
(beat)
I take that back, school sucks!
He laughs with Francis. He exhales smoke, making loop shapes.
JAKE (CONT'D)
So what's the story with Sloth? He
never wrote us or nothin'.
(beat)
Figured he musta' done somethin'
good, right?
DATA
What did you expect? Abuse doesn't
sit well in court.
Francis stares at him. Jake nods.
DATA (CONT'D)
He's a good person. Helps all sorts
of people, kinda' like him.
FRANCIS
Very touching!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
70.
JAKE
I think I heard somethin' about
charity work, and an adoption, yeah
I remember now. Francis?
Francis is disinterested.
JAKE (CONT'D)
The fat kid... Lawrence! You know,
he was so funny, I'll never forget
it. Full of wild stories!
He laughs with Lou. Francis pushes in.
FRANCIS
Mama woulda' done anything for her
boys.
DATA
Okay... did I miss something?
FRANCIS
(angrily)
No, I did! I never saw Ma again!
Jake puts his hand on Francis's back. Francis pushes it
off, and Jake backs away.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
You goddamn kids, it was all your
fault. Those bastards never took
care of her.
(beat)
She was an old woman, what kinda'
doctors end up working inside?
(pause)
NOT the good ones.
DATA
I didn't know that, I'm sorry...
FRANCIS
Don't do that, don't say your "sorry".
You're lying!
DATA
No... I'm not. I didn't know what
happened. I didn't...
Francis hits Data in the stomach.
DATA (CONT'D)
Owe!
Data keeps his head down. Quiet sobbing. Francis looks
emotional.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
71.
FRANCIS
That hurt? Huh?
(beat)
It's okay for you. You got family,
you got a girl, you got it all.
What do I have?
(pause)
Look around...
Data looks up, his eyes are red.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
... my family's all here, and she
don't even count. I got a lousy
house, a stinkin' dog and that's it.
You and your friends can all go to
hell!
Francis holds back tears. Jake, Lou and Nancy watch and
wait.
Francis tosses the apple-core at Data and storms out.
Nancy looks at Data, and shows remorse on her face.
Lou shakes his head and watches T.V.
Tear tracks run down Data's face. Jake looks at him
carefully. Pangs of guilt show and he shakes his head.
SMASHING NOISES outside.
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER
Passenger door opens and Chunk gets in. He faces the girls.
CHUNK
Hello, ladies!
ANDY
Hey! What's happening?
CHUNK
Well, they're still working on the
chest.
STEF
What about Data? Oh God I hope he's
alright. We should just give those
ass-holes what they want and stop
wasting time!
She punches the back of the driver's seat.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
72.
CHUNK
It's complicated.
Andy yawns and leans on Stef's arm.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Anyway, we're good for a couple more
hours. I'm sure he's okay. I think
all they really want is that chest.
ANDY
Poor Data. Poor Emma! If she knew
what was happening she'd be
hysterical.
STEF
Those idiots don't know when to stay
out of trouble. God, I'm stressed!
CHUNK
(chuckles nervously)
Anyone know some karate, martial
arts? Anything?
STEF
Just some self-defense and yoga. No
basically.
ANDY
Me neither.
(pause)
But I have a can of mace!
STEF
I have a pocketknife and some
tweezers!
Stef pulls out the pocketknife and shows the others.
CHUNK
Why do you have a pocketknife?
STEF
You don't think that this situation
answers your question, Chunk?
Chunk shrugs his shoulders.
ANDY
So handsome, what's been happening
with you then? Haven't caught up
yet, have we?
CHUNK
Ah, you know same old stuff, work,
hanging out with the guys. Nothing
exciting, unfortunately.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
73.
STEF
You got a girlfriend?
CHUNK
Nope.
STEF
You like anybody?
Chunk shakes his head half heartedly. Andy looks unconvinced.
CHUNK
I guess I like this girl at work.
Actually, I've liked her for quite
some time. But she's not interested.
ANDY
Oh honey, I'm sorry. What she say?
CHUNK
Well, I haven't told her, but you
know how you can tell, right?
Andy and Stef look at each other, unconvinced.
STEF
So you haven't actually said anything.
(beat)
What a way to live! That way you
won't ever get hurt, I might try
that!
Chunk laughs with a sense of sadness.
STEF (CONT'D)
Seriously, did you ever think that
she might actually like you? You're
a great catch, Chunk. You're funny,
caring...
ANDY
Polite, charming, sociable...
STEF
Outgoing, good looking...
CHUNK
Stop it you guys!
He laughs and covers his ears.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
You don't have to say all that stuff.
That's so sweet of you both.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
74.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
(pause)
I just don't have the balls to put
myself out there, you know?
(beat)
Rejection's harsh!
STEF
You know, if you don't talk to her
you might miss out on the best thing
that ever happened to you. Corny,
but true.
CHUNK
(laughs)
MAYBE I'll ask her out! What's the
worse that could happen, I make
another friend?
(beat)
I guess I'm being kinda' pathetic,
right?
Stef nods.
ANDY
Listen sweetie, just be honest, and
tell her how you feel. No one wants
to get hurt, but you gotta' take the
chance some day.
(beat)
Don't live on the sidelines. You
deserve to be with someone and you
owe it to yourself to be happy!
STEF
Just be confident. Women love
confident men.
CHUNK
GODDAMN! And all these years I been
using comedy to pick up chicks.
Andy laughs.
STEF
What's her name?
CHUNK
Julie.
STEF
Hmm, Julie. Yeah, do it!
(laughs)
Go ask Julie out!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
75.
CHUNK
Yes Ma'am!
(pause)
Okay, leave me alone aaahh! Man you
girls are weird!
CUT TO:
INT. MUSEUM DISPLAY AREA -- CONTINUOUS
A CLANKING NOISE. The locking mechanism can be heard moving
inside. Mikey holds the chest lid up high.
RAGS.
ERIK
You did it!
Erik nudges Mikey. They watch fixated on his every move.
He takes out the rags. A large gold crown, incrusted with
jewels. In the middle, a large, pink diamond. Lots of
pearls. An old book. A red cloak with a symbol of the cross
on the back. Old bones. Ashes.
MIKEY
OHMYGOD! You guys... can you believe
it? Look at what we're looking at!
He holds up the cloak. It's dusty and heavy. He coughs.
MOUTH
What the hell ARE we looking at?
BRAND
(flatly)
A cloak, a book, a shiny hat and a
dead midget.
Mouth, Brand and Erik laugh.
BRAND (CONT'D)
(to Mikey and Erik)
I think you should both get an I.Q
test or something.
MIKEY
This stuff's incredible. Imagine if
someone put a story behind all this
stuff.
(pause)
It could be worth...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
76.
MOUTH
(impersonating Dr.
Evil from Austin
Powers)
One MILLION dollaaaars!
Mouth waits for laughter. Brand smiles. Mikey is being
serious. Brand stops smiling.
BRAND
I'm proud of you, Mike. Of both of
you guys.
Erik smiles.
MIKEY
(chokes on his words)
Thanks, Brand. Me too.
Mikey smiles.
MOUTH
Hey, what about comedian o' the year
over here? Aren't ya' proud of him
too?
BRAND
Yeah, yeah. Later, Mouth.
ERIK
Shouldn't we get going?
MIKEY
We can't let the Fratelli's have
this. We'll put something else
inside.
(pause)
There's some old pieces of pottery
we found a while back. They won't
be missed... much. Let's fill it
and go.
Mikey takes his jacket off and starts putting the contents
into it.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD WORKSTATION -- LATER
Francis and Jake walk downstairs.
They see Data through the gap in the door, bound and gagged.
Francis smiles.
Jake sits on the bottom step. He picks up a strange looking
tool. Francis sits next to him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
77.
FRANCIS
Fetch me a glass o' water would ya'.
JAKE
Do I look like your dog? Don't answer
that.
FRANCIS
Just get me the goddamn water okay?
(beat)
Where's my bag? Are you just gonna'
sit here?
He looks around the workstation.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Did you move it?
JAKE
NO! Calm down!
(beat)
I think you put it down by that
cabinet over there.
Francis gets his bag from around the cabinet. He opens it.
Tired, he walks back over to Jake and sits down. He puts
the bag by his leg.
FRANCIS
Focus on the plan. They'll be here
soon.
(pause)
I cannot wait to see the looks on
their faces.
Jake nods. Francis gets up and stretches his back.
Jake peers inside the bag. Francis turns around.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Don't touch my stuff! Go check your
gun. Do something useful for a
change.
He snatches the bag out from Jake's hands.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
C'mon move it, move it!
JAKE
Okay, okay! Enough!
Jake gets up and goes to the office.
Francis takes a gun out from the bag. He looks around
cautiously. He takes out a BOX OF BULLETS and quickly loads
the gun. He puts the gun inside his jacket.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
78.
SUDDEN LAUGHING.
Francis leaves and goes to the office.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS
FRANCIS
(smiles)
I feel better now!
JAKE
Hey, Taxi just started! I love that
show!
(pause)
You remember when we got out and
drove to Reno? And we hooked up
with them girls at the club?
Francis takes a deep breath and nods.
FRANCIS
So what?
Jake points to the T.V.
JAKE
They look like 'em. That's a night
I'm never gonna' forget.
Jake and Lou laugh crudely. Nancy rolls her eyes. The T.V
reception breaks up. Lou hits it in frustration.
Data stays quiet, seemingly depressed.
LOU
What's the matter with this?
He suddenly gets distracted.
LOU (CONT'D)
Look at De Vito, he's so funny! I
see a bit a' De Palma in me you know.
NANCY
Oh NO honey! He's so mean. You
wouldn't hurt a fly.
Nancy kisses Lou's face. Lou pats her knee.
Jake is repulsed by their public affection.
JAKE
Are you kiddin' me? He's more of an
ass-hole than De Palma ever was. No
offence, uncle.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
79.
LOU
None taken, Jake. You're more stupid
than Latka!
Francis laughs out loud. Jake looks offended.
LOU (CONT'D)
And Francis makes Jim look, uh,
normal.
Jake laughs. Data smiles.
LOU (CONT'D)
You think you're the only one who
can make a joke around here?
Francis walks over to the window. He sees the locomotive.
It stopped raining.
He looks at his watch again.
CUT TO:
EXT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER
Mikey, Brand, Mouth and Erik return to the car with the chest.
It's raining lightly.
WINDOWS FOGGED UP. Chunk rolls down the window. Mikey leans
through.
MIKEY
Open the trunk, dude. Hurry!
MOUTH
Mike, it's only going to take, what,
twenty minutes to get down there?
Chill!
ANDY
He's right, Mikey. We're good for
another hour.
Chunk helps them put the chest in the trunk.
Everyone resumes their positions. Chunk is waiting outside.
BRAND
Come on, this is ridiculous. Stinks
like my grandpa's feet in here. And
he's been dead twenty years.
Mouth tucks his feet further under his seat.
SUDDEN BANGING on the window. Mouth jumps.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
80.
ANDY
Wait! Chunk can't fit. One of us
has to stay.
MOUTH
Or... Not all of us should go?
Mikey is pissed off. He opens the door and pats his lap.
Chunk looks weirdly at him.
MIKEY
Get in front with me dude, till we
figure somethin' out.
Chunk sits on Mikey's lap.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
I know what you're thinking, but
we'll vote who stays behind this
time, okay?
CHUNK
Seems fair.
(beat)
Ya' mind movin' your cell phone Mike?
It's kinda' crushin' my, uh, nuts...
MIKEY
GOT IT!
Mikey takes his CELL PHONE from his trousers and puts it on
the dashboard.
MOUTH
What we voting for? I mean, no
offense girls, but what's the point
of everyone taggin' along?
ERIK
What are we gonna' do when we get up
there?
MOUTH
We need a plan.
BRAND
Mouth's right. We need to figure
out who's useful and who isn't. No
offense.
ANDY
None taken. I agree.
STEF
Me too.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
81.
MIKEY
Okay. Well, everyone who knows how
to open the chest goes.
Chunk looks at Mikey suspiciously.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
What's that look for? Don't gimme'
that look man, come on! I feel bad
enough already!
(beat)
This isn't about us, it's about Data.
CHUNK
Whaddaya' want me to do? I feel
kinda' useless!
ANDY
Yeah, me too.
Stef nods.
MIKEY
Listen up. Andy, Stef, you go back
to Emma's house, make sure she doesn't
suspect a thing.
They nod.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
(to Chunk)
Go back to your office and keep your
cell and beeper on. We might need
you to do some quick thinking if
something happens. But wait for us
to tell you first, okay?
CHUNK
Roger that.
BRAND
Good idea.
(to Chunk)
I know it looks like we're leaving
you out again, but...
CHUNK
Hey, don't sweat it! Whatever I can
do to help, okay?
(beat)
I might get started on my story
anyways.
MOUTH
Thanks, man.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
82.
MIKEY
Good. Now get off my legs, I can't
feel 'em anymore!
CHUNK
Mikey?
MIKEY
Yeah?
CHUNK
How we gonna' get back?
Confusion.
MIKEY
Walk maybe?
They all look out the car window. It's raining again.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
I have another suggestion.
(beat)
Just hear me out first.
Mikey gets out and runs towards the museum.
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA MUSEUM -- LATER
Mikey drives out from around the back of the Museum in a
noisy, VINTAGE MOTORBIKE, with a SIDECAR attached. He wears
a helmet.
Everyone is impressed. Mikey parks the bike near the car.
Chunk gets out.
CHUNK
Way to go, Mike! That is so neat.
(pause)
Part of the museum's collection?
MIKEY
WAS! Go slow with the brakes.
Everyone gets out.
CHUNK
Mikey, jus' so you know, if I break
my neck, I'm gonna' sue your ass off
big time!
MIKEY
Just take it slow, you're still pretty
drunk, so be careful.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
83.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Seriously dude, I'm not kiddin'.
Listen to her, she's old!
Stef and Andy walk cautiously to the bike.
STEF
Hey! I'M driving. I think I'm the
most sober person here.
Stef gets on it. Mouth follows her.
Andy shelters under Brand's coat.
STEF (CONT'D)
Jump on! Mike, take this, it might
come in handy.
Stef throws a pocketknife to him. He winks back and takes
off the helmet and puts it on the bike.
CHUNK
(to Mikey)
Just bring Data back safely!
(beat)
Mouth, umbrella. NOW!
Mouth gives the umbrella to Chunk. He walks over to Stef.
She blanks him. He smiles at her. A few seconds later, she
smiles back. Mouth pats her arm gently and she nods.
Mikey hugs Chunk. Andy runs over to them and gets on the
back with Stef. She puts on the other helmet. Brand gives
her a quick hug.
Chunk sitting in the sidecar, holds Mouth's umbrella over
his head.
Stef rides off. The others watch.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE DAILY ASTORIAN -- LATER
Chunk punches in the security code and enters the building
for the Daily Astorian.
Stef HONKS the horn and drives off.
CUT TO:
INT. THE DAILY ASTORIAN -- LATER
Chunk looks tired. The auto-complete function on his computer
enters the e-mail address for CNN. He accidentally sends an
e-mail to them.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
84.
He is drinking his coffee.
Suddenly, a phone RINGS.
CHUNK
Mikey?
(confused)
Hello?
(pause)
Yes, this is Lawrence. What? Who
is this?
(beat)
CNN? Ohmygod!
He looks at his sent mail and sees CNN'S address.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Oh shit, CNN! Um, sorry about that...
what did you say? Yeah... no I
understand that.
(pause)
It was a joke! Because you have to
okay, ass-hole!
He SLAMS down the phone. The phone RINGS immediately.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
(to himself)
Oh God, who the hell is this? It's
after two in the morning for God's
sakes, go to bed already!
He answers the phone.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Hello?
COP (O.S.)
Is this Lawrence Cohan?
CHUNK
Lawrence Cohen.
COP (O.S.)
We have a reported kidnapping, can
you verify this please?
CHUNK
No, I can't.
COP (O.S.)
You can't verify that Ricky Wang was
kidnapped earlier this evening and
is currently being held hostage at
the Railroad Preservation Site?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
85.
CHUNK
That's what I said. Are you actually
listening to me? I said NO!
He hits the computer.
COP (O.S.)
Please be aware that this conversation
is being taped and that...
CHUNK
I don't care if I'm being recorded
wise-ass! I said you can't go.
He rolls his eyes.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Good-bye!
He hangs up. He starts dialing.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Shit!
(to himself)
What have I done?
No answer.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
Where the hell are you guys?
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER
Music is playing on the radio. TENSE ATMOSPHERE.
ERIK
Mikey, do I take the next left?
MIKEY
No, make a right.
MOUTH
How much longer?
MIKEY
Ten minutes.
Mouth leans forward in between the driver and passenger seats.
MOUTH
Let's go over the plan again. Me,
you and Brand will take the chest to
the Fratelli's. Erik'll wait in the
car.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
86.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
If we don't come back after thirty
minutes, Erik's gonna' call the cops
and leave, right?
BRAND
Anything else?
MIKEY
Wow, great plan.
MOUTH
Listen Mikey, we know we don't have
the best plan. No one got a memo
'bout tonight.
MIKEY
I know. I'm sorry. I'm really
worried about Data. They could have
guns, knives, anything. When we go
in, well...
(pause)
... we might not all come out.
SILENCE.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
And you know what? The thought of
that happening scares the crap outta'
me.
MOUTH
Oh yeah?
(beat)
Well that's a risk I'm prepared to
take. I don't care what I have to
do to get him outta' there. I don't
care if I have to get shot, stabbed
or get my balls crushed to save him.
I'll do it.
(pause)
If it were anyone o' you guys I'd do
the exactly the same. Period.
BRAND
Me too Mike, whatever it takes.
When we go in, we gotta' stick
together, and no funky shit.
MIKEY
Yeah.
(to Erik)
You okay?
ERIK
Pretty scared.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
87.
Erik pulls the car near the railroad.
MIKEY
Stop the car. We're here.
BRAND
Everyone ready?
MOUTH
Time?
ERIK
Two thirty.
CUT TO:
INT. BACHELORRETE PARTY -- LATER
Stef and Andy check on Emma. She is asleep in bed.
Stef looks at her cell phone anxiously. She sighs and starts
typing a text message.
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER
A CELL PHONE BEEPS. Everyone looks for their phones.
MIKEY
Whose is that? Maybe it's Chunk?
MOUTH
Hold on, think it's me.
(laughs)
I like to keep it on vibration mode.
Mouth reads the text message, 'Get back in one piece. We
need to talk. Don't do anything stupid, stoopid'. He smiles.
MIKEY
What's it say? Is it Chunk?
MOUTH
No. It's just the girls saying they
got back okay.
MIKEY
Oh.
Everyone gets out of the car. They take the chest and hide
it behind a tree.
Mikey smiles sadly. Brand hugs Mikey.
Mouth wipes away tears and hugs Brand and Mikey.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
88.
Erik joins in.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
(seriously)
It's off to work we go.
Erik gets back in the car. The others head for the Railroad.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- LATER
Lou unties Data from the chair. He is gagged and cuffed.
Nancy goes upstairs.
Jake puts his hat on, takes a FLASHLIGHT and puts it inside
his trousers. Francis walks over to Data.
FRANCIS
Stay there. Don't move, unless I
say so.
JAKE
Hey, get over here.
Francis walks over. Jake whispers to him.
JAKE (CONT'D)
You're a sick man, but I gotta' hand
it to you bro, this wasn't such a
bad idea. Me and Mary will be set
for life. For once, I'm glad I
actually listened to you.
Francis looks at Jake who is straightening his hat. Francis
smiles oddly. They put their coats on.
FRANCIS
Jake, you first. I wanna' bring him
out. We'll put him in the last
carriage.
(to Lou)
Keep a look out.
Lou is walking up the stairs.
JAKE
Can you see 'em?
LOU
(over his shoulder)
Be patient, they'll be here.
CUT TO:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
89.
EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- LATER
Jake waits by the locomotive. He is preoccupied admiring
it. A lot of mess and construction around the driver's cab
and first carriage.
Posters advertising the locomotive's grand opening for spring
2006.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD OFFICE -- LATER
Francis pinches Data's cheeks. Data cocks his head back.
FRANCIS
This'll be interesting. Let's see
how much they love you?
Francis unties Data from the chair.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Come on, start walking, and don't
make a sound. If I hear you so much
as breathe, I will shoot you, and
lay you on the tracks, and run you
over myself. Got it?
Data nods. They leave.
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- LATER
Jake holds Data tightly and follows Francis to the third
carriage. He uses his FLASHLIGHT.
Francis ties Data inside. It's filled with wood, paint and
tools.
Lou signals with a FLASHLIGHT THREE times.
Francis leaves.
Jake sees Brand, Mikey and Mouth approach the locomotive.
He waits cautiously.
JAKE
Hey fellas. Wait right there. That's
close enough.
Jake puts the flashlight under his chin and switches it on.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Boo! Did I scare ya'?
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
90.
JAKE (CONT'D)
(laughs)
I remember all a' you's. I have an
excellent memory.
He eyes them up and down.
JAKE (CONT'D)
(to Mouth)
You! Big mouth!
(laughs)
Not so loud now huh? You look
different, what happened to your
face! What is that a beard or
somthin'?
He points to his own chin and laughs.
JAKE (CONT'D)
(points to Brand)
Big brother, of course.
(laughs at Mikey)
And you. The leader of the gang.
Ol' friends reunited!
Silence.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Where's the chest? I don't see it.
BRAND
Where's Data?
JAKE
He's getting a 'make over'.
MIKEY
Have you hurt him? Where is he?
Jake ignores him.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
I asked you a question ass-hole. Is
he okay?
JAKE
Technically, I asked you first.
(beat)
So where's the chest?
BRAND
Don't worry. We got it. You bring
Data and we bring you the chest.
Simple.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
91.
JAKE
(laughs)
Okay, fellas, I sense a little
hostility here, so everybody calm
down. Francis'll be out in a sec.
(beat)
If I were you, I'd get it now. He's
not patient like me.
(to Brand)
You bring the chest.
Brand nods and starts walking away. Mouth and Mikey start
following him. Jake blocks them.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Uh, uh, uh. Stay.
MOUTH
But it weighs a ton!
Brand stops and looks back.
JAKE
Oh please! Look at him for Christ
sakes!
(to Brand)
Run along now.
Brand leaves.
JAKE (CONT'D)
So, what's inside the box?
MIKEY
Dunno', it's locked.
JAKE
Really? That's no problem.
He opens up his jacket. A gun. He winks at them.
JAKE (CONT'D)
We'll make it open.
(to Mouth)
Okay, go with him. Hurry.
(to Mikey)
Wait here.
Mouth leaves.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Got eyes in the back o' my head.
(beat)
I gotta' go, but when I get back,
you better be here.
Mikey nods.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
92.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Being inside all them years, you
learn a thing or two... so watch
your back.
Jake leaves.
Mikey waits alone outside. He starts mumbling quietly.
MIKEY
(anxiously)
Please be okay, please.
He looks all around.
A SUDDEN TUMBLING NOISE.
WOODEN LOGS FALL onto the track from the locomotive.
Mikey takes out a pocketknife and CUTS himself. He licks
the blood off.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
(grimaces)
Yep, it works.
Mouth and Brand return.
MOUTH
Where'd he go?
MIKEY
Back inside.
(beat)
You guys alright?
They nod.
BRAND
What the hell did you do to your
hand?
MOUTH
Did that creep cut you?
MIKEY
(whispers)
No, it's nothing.
(beat)
Listen, I think Data's on that train.
He points.
BRAND
(whispers)
How d'you know?
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
93.
BRAND (CONT'D)
Listen Mike, don't do anything stupid,
okay? Especially you Mouth.
MOUTH
(whispers)
Hey, I was planning on ditching you
guys at the first sign of trouble!
(beat)
Trust me, no wannabe hero here.
Jake returns with Francis.
FRANCIS
(laughs)
Hey fellas! Say hello to your friend.
(pause)
Well whaddaya' know? He vanished!
MIKEY
(angrily)
Where's Data?
BRAND
MIKEY!
FRANCIS
Listen ta' me. Until I see the inside
of that chest, you ain't seeing
nobody. Open it!
MOUTH
It's locked! Why don't you just
take the...
FRANCIS
SHUT YOUR FACE! I want it open.
NOW!
(beat)
What the hell are you waiting for?
He pulls out his gun and points it at them.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
(to Mouth)
When I tell you to do something you
do it! I don't like saying things
TWICE!
He points his gun at Mikey.
MOUTH
Oh, yeah? Well I don't like being
threatened ONCE!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
94.
BRAND
Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute! Why
don't we all just calm down. We'll
open it.
MIKEY
(to Francis)
Gimme' a minute.
FRANCIS
(to Mouth)
You're seriously pissing me off.
Don't do that.
MIKEY
(to Brand and Mouth)
You remember how to do this?
They nod.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
We need one of you to help us. It's
complicated.
JAKE
Come again?
MOUTH
It's locked for God's sakes!
FRANCIS
(to Jake)
Go help 'em.
Jake joins them.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
(to Mouth)
You, I'm watching you, okay? Keep
it zipped.
Mikey shows Jake and they all push.
The CHEST OPENS.
Jake is in awe.
JAKE
Bingo! How cool is that bro'? This
is a piece of art. Jesus look how
old it is.
FRANCIS
Whatever. Everyone step back.
(beat)
You too Jake, I get first look.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
95.
Jake is upset. He turns and looks up at the railroad office.
Nancy is waving. He looks back at the chest.
JAKE
No way, we look together.
(pause)
What about Lou? We wait for him
too.
The others creep back.
FRANCIS
He's busy! Get outta' my way.
Francis lifts the lid open.
Jake looks back again and sees Nancy trying to signal
something.
Francis smiles eerily. He sifts through pieces of pottery,
discarding them.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
That's it? Old plates and friggin'
cups!
(beat)
Where'd you hide the rest?
JAKE
What have you boys done?
MIKEY
What are you talking about? That's
it.
(pause)
It's worth a fortune... you're RICH!
FRANCIS
You're LYING! You expect me to
believe this bull?
(beat)
What is this crap?
Francis waves his GUN at them. Jake is distracted by Nancy.
He starts to walk off.
FRANCIS (CONT'D)
Where you going, Jake?
JAKE
I'll be one minute, I swear.
(beat)
I think I left something inside.
He mimes the word, 'GUN'. Francis nods. Mikey looks
confused.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
96.
FRANCIS
Hurry, you don't wanna' miss this.
Jake leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- MOMENTS LATER
Jake searches around the workstation and office.
JAKE
(shouting)
LOU! Where are you?
He runs upstairs to a small locker room. The room is very
old with pipes exposed and dirty towels are on the floor.
He sees Nancy on the floor, with BLOOD on her arms. She is
in the shower with Lou. He is huddled in the corner.
JAKE (CONT'D)
(to Nancy)
What the hell happened?
He taps Lou's cheek. It's wet and bloody.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Lou, you okay?
(to Nancy)
Wake him up.
NANCY
(crying)
Your brother and Louie were arguing,
and shouting. You were outside.
Then, he came back, telling me to
keep my mouth shut. I was too scared
to come out, and so I went to the
window and...
JAKE
Woah! Steady. I'm not gonna' hurt
you.
He taps Lou's face and he comes round. He is dazed.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Uncle Lou, you okay? What's that
crazy sonofabitch done to you?
Lou taps Jake's face, making it wet.
LOU
Jakey.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
97.
LOU (CONT'D)
(pause)
Francis was puttin' rounds in his
gun... so I had a go at him and he
hit me! The little punk!
(beat)
I think he wants to settle the score
with them.
(pause)
You wanna' keep your brother on this
side a' the bars, you better get out
there.
JAKE
Jesus! I'm so sorry.
A LOUD GUNSHOT.
Jake jumps.
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- LATER
It's raining.
Francis points his gun upwards. Smoke is coming out.
Brand kicks and knocks him down to the muddy ground.
Mikey runs toward the train.
Francis fires a second shot. He hits Brand in the shoulder.
MOUTH
(shouts)
BRAND!
BRAND
Ah! My arm! You bastard!
FRANCIS
Yes! Ha-ha!
MOUTH
(to Francis)
You son of a...
Mouth tackles Francis to the ground. The gun gets lost in
the mud. Mouth punches Francis in the face. Francis is
unconscious. His glasses are broken. Mouth tends to Brand.
Mikey looks back. He pauses, looking at Brand then at the
third carriage. He sees Mouth helping Brand and runs towards
the last carriage.
CUT TO:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
98.
INT. THIRD CARRIAGE -- LATER
Mikey jumps onto the last carriage. Data. Bound and gagged.
MIKEY
(shouts)
DATA! It's okay, I got you.
Everything's okay, man.
He gets his pocketknife out, cuts through the ropes, and
Data wriggles free. He unties Data's gag.
DATA
Mikey! What's going on?
The train starts moving.
MIKEY
We gotta' get outta'...
(pause)
What the hell?
(beat)
We're moving.
DATA
Who's driving the train?
Mikey shrugs his shoulders.
CUT TO:
EXT. ASTORIA RAILROAD -- LATER
A LOUD WHOOPING NOISE. Jake leans out of the driver's cab.
Confusion.
Mouth sees Mikey and Data leaning out of the third carriage.
Mouth urges Brand up, and they make a run for the train.
Jake leans out of the driver's cab.
JAKE
(shouting)
All aboard!
(beat)
Hey! Jump on! We're leaving!
MOUTH
(shouts)
WHAT?
LOUD CHUGGING NOISE.
He runs, supporting Brand.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
99.
BRAND
(shouts)
He said, get on the train!
MOUTH
What?
(beat)
Are you crazy?
CUT TO:
INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- MOMENTS LATER
They jump onto the driver's cab. Brand is bleeding. They
rest inside and stare at Jake cautiously.
JAKE
(laughs)
You nearly missed your ride!
MOUTH
To where? Hell?
(pause)
Why'd you pick us up man?
(beat)
I mean one minute you're waving a
gun at us...
(pause)
... and then all of a sudden it's
like Back to the Future Part 3 round
here!
(beat)
What the fuck, dude?
JAKE
Hear me out.
(pause)
As you know, my baby brother seems
to have lost his mind...
(laughs nervously)
... so I figured this was as good a
way as any to get outta' here!
Brand and Mouth look at each-other unconvinced.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Hold on, this baby needs to shift a
gear.
Jake quickly loads more wood into the fire. The train
suddenly jolts forward. A LOUD SCREECHING NOISE.
CUT TO:
INT. THIRD CARRIAGE -- LATER
Mikey and Data fall inside the carriage.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
100.
Tools, paint cans and wood tumble out of the train. Data
and Mikey look worried.
CUT TO:
EXT. RAILWAY TRACK -- LATER
Scaffolding standing 15 ft tall over the track.
A footbridge is being built.
CUT TO:
INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- CONTINUOUS
LOUD SCREECHING SOUNDS. The train hits 30mph.
Brand is doubled up in pain. Mouth takes a closer look at
his bullet wound.
MOUTH
What the hell is that noise?
JAKE
How the hell should I know!
(beat)
She's teething, they're still fixin'
her up.
He looks at Brand.
JAKE (CONT'D)
How is he?
MOUTH
Okay, I think.
(to Brand)
Hey! It went straight out the other
side man, you're cool.
He finds an old cloth and straightens it out.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Lemme' put this 'round you.
He makes a sling.
BRAND
Where'd you learn to do that?
MOUTH
STEF!
(beat)
Damn that wench.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
101.
BRAND
(to Jake)
Hey! Where'd you learn to drive a
steam train?
JAKE
Discovery channel!
BRAND
Cool.
JAKE
She's a beauty ain't she? She still
needs some work, but they don't
make'em like this no more.
(pause)
Hey, I'm sorry fellas. I'll drop
you down the line.
(beat)
I'll take care of Francis later.
Crazy bastard.
CUT TO:
INT. ERIK'S CAR -- LATER
Erik checks his watch. He takes out his cell phone and starts
dialing. He drives off.
CUT TO:
EXT. THIRD CARRIAGE -- LATER
Francis jumps onto the first carriage.
Mikey and Data lean out. They shout.
Mouth leans out.
LOUD CHUGGING NOISE.
MIKEY
(shouts)
Is everything okay?
MOUTH
YEAH!
MIKEY
OKAY!
Mikey gets back inside. Data does a double take.
Lightening. Data sees Francis clearly, heading towards Mouth.
DATA
MOUTH!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
102.
Mouth looks confused.
DATA (CONT'D)
(pointing)
THE ROOF!
Mouth looks up. Francis is pointing his gun straight at
him. He dives back inside the driver's cab.
SCAFFOLDING approaching.
CUT TO:
INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- MOMENTS LATER
Brand and Jake jump.
MOUTH
(to Jake)
Your psycho brother bummed a ride!
Jake appears confused. Mouth points up over his shoulder.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
(shouts)
Look!
JAKE
What?
He leans out and looks at the first carriage.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Oh shit!
BRAND
Well, that's just great!
JAKE
(points to the furnace)
Keep feeding that thing.
Mouth nods. He throws wood into the furnace.
Jake leans out.
BRAND
(concerned)
Be careful!
CUT TO:
FULL SHOT RAILWAY TRACK -- LATER
The train hits the scaffolding.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
103.
LOUD HOLLOW METAL-AGAINST-METAL sounds echo around the
driver's cab.
The pipes hit the trailing carriages.
Mikey, Data, Jake, Mouth and Brand all lean out of different
sides of the train.
CUT TO:
INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- LATER
Brand looks at Mouth suspiciously.
BRAND
What I tell you?
MOUTH
Hey! I did not do THAT!
CUT TO:
EXT. DRIVER'S CAB -- LATER
Jake sees Francis and is startled. Francis's face is bloody,
muddy and bruised.
His glasses are broken and he is soaking wet. LOUD CHUGGING
NOISE.
SHOUTING over the noise...
JAKE
What the hell are you doing?
FRANCIS
Workin' out, what's it look like?
JAKE
Are you crazy? You're gonna' kill
yourself up there!
FRANCIS
Where are they?
JAKE
Gimme' your gun!
FRANCIS
No!
Jake pulls out his gun and aims it at Francis.
Mouth, Mikey, Data and Brand lean out, watching.
JAKE
Don't make me shoot your ass.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
104.
FRANCIS
What?
JAKE
Drop the gun!
Francis laughs.
FRANCIS
It's not even loaded, dumb-fuck!
Francis shoots Jake. He hits him in the stomach.
Jake looks dumfounded. Francis laughs hysterically. He
climbs closer to the driver's cab.
Mouth and Brand drag Jake back inside.
CUT TO:
EXT. THIRD CARRIAGE -- LATER
Mikey climbs onto the carriage roof, and crawls towards the
driver's cab. Data leans out of the train.
DATA
You'll break your neck!
MIKEY
I have to go!
DATA
I'm comin' with you!
Data and Mikey crawl slowly in the rain.
CUT TO:
EXT. DRIVER'S CAB -- CONTINUOUS
Jake falls. Mouth catches him. He coughs up blood and gets
his gun out.
JAKE
Take this and... help the others.
Mouth nods and wipes the gun dry.
JAKE (CONT'D)
(coughing)
Always come prepared. Do what you
gotta' do.
(pause)
Can't help you now.
Jake falls unconscious. His hat drops on the floor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
105.
MOUTH
Brand, I think he's unconscious.
Wake him up.
BRAND
What are you doing?
MOUTH
Jump starting karma!
BRAND
What?
Mouth starts putting more wood into the fire.
MOUTH
More speed!
(beat)
Come on, help me.
Brand helps him. The train slowly picks up momentum.
CUT TO:
INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- CONTINUOUS
Francis knocks his gun suddenly against the train and clumsily
enters the driver's cab. Mouth and Brand back off, scared.
Jake remains unconscious on the floor, bleeding.
Mouth hides the gun inside his jacket.
FRANCIS
Hey fellas!
MOUTH
Don't move, ass-hole!
FRANCIS
No, you don't move, "ass-hole". I
got the gun.
(beat)
You broke my glasses. They were
designer.
MOUTH
Designed by who, Wal-Mart?
Mouth pulls out his gun. He accidentally fires it at Francis.
He misses. Francis starts laughing. Mouth and Francis are
pointing their guns at one another.
FRANCIS
This is great? Two down, one to go!
MOUTH
Hey! I'll shoot you, I swear!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
106.
FRANCIS
(laughs hysterically)
Stop it! You're killing me!
CUT TO:
EXT. FIRST CARRIAGE ROOF -- LATER
Data cautiously peeks inside the driver's cab and assesses
the scenario.
He whispers to Mikey and Mikey nods.
The train hits 40mph. They climb onto the roof.
Data hangs his legs over the side door behind Francis.
Mikey holds onto him.
CUT TO:
INT. DRIVER'S CAB -- CONTINUOUS
Data swings his legs twice for momentum, then kicks Francis
in the back. Francis falls forward into Mouth who catches
him.
Data pulls his knees up to his chest. He is above the door
frame. Francis fights off Mouth. Mouth pistol-whips Francis
on the back of the head.
FRANCIS
Owe!
Mouth looks confused. Francis grabs Mouth.
- Brand snatches Francis's wrist and twists it. The gun
falls.
- Jake regains consciousness and takes Francis's gun.
- Mouth grabs Francis's collar and wrestles him to the floor.
- Brand punches Francis in the face rendering him unconscious.
Jake staggers up, clutching his bloody stomach. He stares
at Francis's motionless body.
JAKE
Nice move, guys. Leave 'im there.
Mouth looks disappointed. Jake crouches to the floor.
MOUTH
Kinda' expected my pistol whip to
knock him out. Always does on T.V.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
107.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
(beat)
Good job, Brand.
BRAND
You have no idea how good that felt.
That came from both of us.
Mouth smiles.
JAKE
How do I look, uh?
BRAND
Tore up.
MOUTH
From the floor up.
JAKE
That good, huh?
MOUTH
You asked!
JAKE
One a' you boys care to help me up?
MOUTH
No worries man, take it easy.
Mouth bends down and supports Jake. He leans him against
the controls.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Lemme' put some more a' those rags
on your stomach, help stem the
bleeding.
JAKE
You don't have to do that, kid.
MOUTH
Yeah well, you didn't have to pick
us up neither.
Mouth ties cloth around Jake's midriff.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Hold still.
Jake grimaces. Brand leans out the cab and looks up.
BRAND
HEY! It's all clear.
Data and Mikey's heads appear over the lip of the roof.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
108.
MIKEY
You okay, Brand?
Brand rubs his shoulder.
BRAND
It hurts like hell, but I'm cool.
We're okay bro.
(beat)
Get to a carriage, it's not safe
yet.
Mikey nods and moves out of sight. Mouth leans against Brand.
MOUTH
Ask Leon up there if he's okay!
BRAND
What?
MOUTH
Forget it.
Mouth turns back inside and sees Francis waking up. He takes
the gun and holds it over him.
Francis opens his mouth.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
Say one word, man. Just one.
Silence.
BRAND
Yeah, do us all a favor.
(beat to Jake)
You really don't look so good.
MOUTH
(points to Francis)
What do we do with him?
JAKE
Don't worry 'bout it. I'm takin'
care of IT.
Jake coughs. He points to a lever.
JAKE (CONT'D)
(to Mouth)
Pull that, it should stop the train.
Mouth pulls the leaver and the train begins to slow down.
JAKE (CONT'D)
(to Francis)
Get up!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
109.
FRANCIS
Jake, thank God! I think I hit you
in the wrong place, sorry bro...
JAKE
SHUT UP! Part of the plan Francis?
Something you forgot to tell me?
He points to his stomach with the other gun.
FRANCIS
Hey, I wasn't gonna' leave you like
this. Come on, I'm your brother,
Jake? Wait a minute! I can explain.
(beat)
Okay, put the gun down.
JAKE
Are you crazy? We just got outta'
prison!
(beat)
Take the chest and go, ain't that
what you said? You gonna' kill
everyone and run you sick bastard?
FRANCIS
Don't do this, come on, I'm your
brother. Your only brother Jake.
(beat)
I'm helping you an' Mary...
JAKE
Shut your mouth you lying, scheming,
crazy sonofabitch. There's a word
for people like you Francis. PSYCHO!
The train STOPS.
Jake points the gun at Francis. He spits on the floor and
wipes traces of blood across his face.
JAKE (CONT'D)
Last stop, everybody off.
CUT TO:
EXT. RAILWAY TRACK -- CONTINUOUS
Mouth and Mikey help Jake down from the train.
Francis looks petrified as Jake points the gun straight at
him.
Mikey walks over to them.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
110.
MIKEY
Don't do it! He's not worth going
back to jail for, man.
FRANCIS
Yeah, listen to him, they'll never
let you out, and you'll never see
Mary again. You're never gonna'...
JAKE
Didn't I tell you to keep that shut?
(to Mikey)
I gotta' finish up kid. Don't worry
about it.
MIKEY
Wait! Think for a second. You're
better than he is. You've changed.
You helped us, so I'm helping you.
Don't do it!
Francis looks anxiously at Jake.
JAKE
I'm not killing no brother. I'm
killing this low life, piece o' crap.
MIKEY
But you got a chance to prove you've
changed. You have a choice, don't
screw it up, this is it, right here.
Make the right one.
A HELICOPTER flies overhead with a powerful bright light
scouring directly over the train. PROPELLERS SOUND LOUDLY.
POLICE CAR sirens sound nearby.
HELICPTER COP #1
(robotlike)
Everybody stay where you are.
The helicopter lands nearby. Two cops approach the group.
HELICOPTER COP #2
Drop the gun, pal. Hands on your
heads. Everybody!
Everybody puts their hands on their heads.
Francis runs off towards the woods.
The cops chase after him.
Jake has his hands on his head. He falls to the ground. A
helicopter cop approaches Mikey.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
111.
HELICOPTER COP #2 (CONT'D)
Put your hands where we can see 'em.
MIKEY
(shouts)
But he's hurt!
POLICE CARS arrive.
Mikey helps Jake back up and slowly walks him over with the
cops. The others get searched for weapons.
JAKE
(laughs and coughs)
I'm in...
MIKEY
(laughs)
Deep shit! Oh yeah!
(beat)
But I got your back.
Jake nods and winks to Mikey.
Mouth runs back into the cab quickly and returns holding
Jake's hat.
MOUTH
Think you dropped somethin'.
JAKE
(laughs feebly)
Thanks.
Mouth and Mikey watch as the paramedics tend to Jake.
Other cops chase after Francis.
Chunk, Stef and Erik run over to them.
MIKEY
Hey guys!
MOUTH
HEY!
CHUNK
You guys! You're okay! I was so
worried!
MIKEY
How'd you get here?
STEF
We'll explain later. Come here!
They all hug. Data rushes over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
112.
MIKEY
I gotta' find Brand.
STEF
He's with the paramedics. Andy's
with him too. He'll be fine, don't
worry. DATA!
Stef wraps her arms around Data tightly. Mouth watches her
and smiles. Stef winks back at Mouth.
DATA
(to Stef)
Hey! Is Emma alright? Where is
she?
STEF
Snoring her ass off!
DATA
Thank God!
STEF
God, are you okay? Look at your
face, what happened?
DATA
I'm fine!
MOUTH
Come here, man!
Mouth hugs Data tightly.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
(to Data)
Nice move back there. Whaddayer'
think you are, a stuntman or
somethin'?
DATA
(laughs)
Nah. Just built like one!
MOUTH
Yeah, sure.
Data talks with the others.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
(to Stef)
So I'm still in one piece, now what?
STEF
Now this.
Stef leans forward and kisses Mouth awkwardly on the cheek.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
113.
MOUTH
Hey, maybe this isn't such a good
idea.
Stef looks anxious.
MOUTH (CONT'D)
I think I can do WAY better than
that.
STEF
Oh yeah?
MOUTH
Hush puppy!
They kiss and embrace. The others watch and smile.
More cars arrive with reporters. Various news channels start
filming the group.
One REPORTER approaches Chunk holding a microphone. Chunk
snatches the microphone out from his hand.
CHUNK
Is this on?
REPORTER
(annoyed)
Hey, wait a minute!
CHUNK
Ya' snooze, ya' lose.
He faces the camera and addresses the CAMERAMAN.
The red light is on and the cameraman is filming Chunk live.
Mikey watches Chunk and shakes his head, laughing.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
We're coming live from the Astoria
Railroad Preservation Center, where
the notorious Fratelli brothers took
savage revenge on their old enemies,
the Goonies...
Mikey nudges Chunk.
MIKEY
ONE Fratelli brother actually!
Mikey steps back quickly and leaves Chunk alone.
The reporter is huffing next to the cameraman.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
114.
CHUNK
Join me exclusively this morning, as
I reveal first hand, all the
horrifying details surrounding this
spectacular event...
CUT TO:
FULL SHOT RAILWAY TRACK -- LATER
- Jake inside an ambulance.
- News channels interviewing Andy, Mouth and Stef.
- Data talking on his cell phone.
- Cops taking statements from Mikey and Erik.
- Nancy and Lou inside a cop car.
- Chunk reporting live.
- Francis cuffed and driven away.
- Brand and Mikey in air ambulance.
CHUNK
I want to say a quick hello to my
family and let them know I'm okay.
This is Lawrence Cohen signing off
for...
Looks at the logo on the microphone.
CHUNK (CONT'D)
... FOX, reporting live from Astoria,
Oregon. Thank you.
CUT TO:
INT. DATA'S BEDROOM -- DAY
Mikey and Data dressed in wedding attire.
Data turns to Mikey struggling with his tie.
DATA
This is it Mikey, I'm getting married.
I'm really getting married.
MIKEY
I just can't believe it you know? I
mean look at you, all grown up,
gettin' all serious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
115.
DATA
Hey, I have you and the others to
thank for that.
MIKEY
Well, you'll never forget it that's
for sure!
DATA
Did the police say anything about
Jake yet?
MIKEY
I think our testimonies will help.
Francis'll probably end up in some
mental institution. Jake'll be okay.
DATA
So... today is as they say, a new
day.
Mikey straightens Data's tie.
DATA (CONT'D)
(laughs)
Mike, I couldn't have asked for a
better best man!
MIKEY
You think you had a choice?
He shakes his head.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
Still clue-less after all these years.
DATA
No. You're my best friend.
(beat)
You always had that job down.
MIKEY
Well what the hell are we waiting
for? We're yammering away like old
women, come on! Just get to the
goddamn church okay?
CUT TO:
EXT. WEDDING CAR -- LATER
Inside the white limo is a blacked out interior divider. It
rolls down. Mouth is the driver. Chunk is sitting next to
him.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
116.
Mouth smiles and winks cheekily. Data is shocked. Mikey
rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
CUT TO:
INT. ASTORIA CHURCH -- DAY
Church filled with friends and family. Wedding service is
underway. Music plays as the priest marries Data and Emma.
They kiss.
Andy plays the piano.
Data and Emma walk up the aisle. Bridesmaids behind. Mikey
follows.
Andy hits the WRONG NOTE. LAUGHTER. Andy winks at Data.
CUT TO:
INT. WEDDING TABLE -- EVENING
Data and Emma are sitting with bridesmaids, Mikey and in-
laws.
Mouth, Stef, Brand and Andy are the next table to them.
Five seats are vacant. Chunk, Julie, Erik, Ron and Patrick's
names are on the table headers.
Brand's arm is in a sling. It's covered in graffiti.
Andy gazes over at Data and Emma.
BRAND
Are you okay?
ANDY
Yeah. I'm just getting, you know,
caught up in the moment. They look
great together don't they?
Brand nods.
BRAND
Anything else? Somethin' on your
mind?
(beat)
Talk to me.
Mouth and Stef leave the table. Stef winks at Andy.
ANDY
I'm a little nervous.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
117.
ANDY (CONT'D)
(pause)
I wanted to um... ask you if you
wanted to go out sometime? Do you
want to?
She stares at him.
ANDY (CONT'D)
You're quiet. Maybe I got it wrong.
God how embarrassing!
He takes her hand in his.
BRAND
Wait! What are you saying?
ANDY
Nothing. Forget it.
BRAND
What are you doing twenty-four hours
from now?
ANDY
Not washing my hair?
BRAND
Great! Then we have a date.
Brand wraps his good arm around her.
He kisses her lightly on the lips.
CUT TO:
INT. DANCE-FLOOR -- NIGHT
Mouth and Stef are standing by the dance floor.
STEF
I think we need to fix Mikey up.
He's been single way too long.
MOUTH
I agree.
STEF
Seen any hotties here?
MOUTH
Actually, I have. One in particular.
(pause)
She's breathtaking.
STEF
Interesting. She available?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
118.
MOUTH
Oh no. She's way out of his league!
He leans against her. She sips her drink flirtatiously.
STEF
Poor Mikey.
(beat)
He stand a chance?
MOUTH
Nope! She deserves way better.
STEF
Well that won't do. Maybe it's not
meant to be.
MOUTH
Guess not.
STEF
You seem pretty sure o' yourself.
(pause)
Do I know this unfortunate woman?
Mouth wraps both arms around her waist.
MOUTH
Intimately!
STEF
You're so gross!
She turns kisses him on the lips.
MOUTH
And I thank God for that everyday!
Stef drags him onto the dance floor.
Lots of people dancing.
CUT TO:
INT. WEDDING TABLE -- LATER
Andy examines the graffiti on Brand's sling. A large
caricature of Brand bending over. Caricatures of Mouth and
Chunk kicking his ass.
ANDY
(laughs)
They got a little carried away!
BRAND
Tell me about it.
(MORE)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
119.
BRAND (CONT'D)
I fell asleep in the hospital, and
those jerks drew all over me. Now I
gotta' wear this crap for a fortnight.
Mouth and Stef re-join Andy and Brand. Brand nods and laughs.
Brand puts his good arm around Andy.
They kiss.
Chunk and Julie arrive. They sit down. Ron, Patrick and
Erik arrive.
CHUNK
Hey guys.
(points)
Julie, this is Mouth, Stef, Andy and
Brand. There's Erik and some guys
Data went to college with.
JULIE
Hi everyone.
STEF
Hi Julie, you look really pretty.
ANDY
Hi! It's so nice to finally meet
you.
Mouth and Brand wink at Chunk. His face turns red.
JULIE
It's great to meet you all too.
(beat)
Excuse me, but I'm just going to the
rest-room. I've been holding all
day!
STEF
Great! I'll join you.
ANDY
Me too!
They leave. Mouth, Chunk and Brand chat quietly.
Mikey arrives.
MIKEY
She's cute.
MOUTH
I gotta' hand it to you bud, you
have excellent taste.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
120.
Brand nods.
CHUNK
Yeah, she's lovely.
MIKEY
Now you got her, make she you keep
her.
CHUNK
I'll do my best!
MOUTH
Seriously dude, it took long enough.
MIKEY
You can talk!
Data arrives.
DATA
Hey, how's everyone doing? Where
the girls?
CHUNK
Bathroom.
DATA
Which one of you is next?
(beat)
Come on, none of you are getting any
younger, or prettier.
Data looks at them.
MOUTH
Me? Hell no!
BRAND
One wedding at a time.
CHUNK
Ask me when I get past my third date!
(beat)
Hey, what about Mikey?
MIKEY
Don't feel sorry for me! I like
being single actually.
DATA
Whatever you say buddy. There must
be somebody you're not telling us
about? Spill it!
MIKEY
I swear there isn't!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
121.
BRAND
Bro, you've been single way too long.
MOUTH
That museum is seriously putting a
huge dent in your love life, Mike.
MIKEY
I'm fine! God, will you just drop
it! Maybe I'll meet someone tonight,
are you happy now?
Stef, Andy and Julie walk back over and sit down.
Emma arrives with a present.
STEF
What's that?
DATA
Oh yeah! I forgot. It's from Sloth.
I wanted to open it in front o' you
guys. Thanks, Em.
EMMA
It's okay, sweetie.
Data opens it. A large photo frame. A photograph of them
all with Sloth as kids. Everyone smiles.
ERIK
Hey. Is that you guys? Oh wow, you
all look so young!
STEF
Would you look at my clothes!
MOUTH
Look at my hair!
JULIE
(to Chunk)
Awe, you look so cute!
Chunk looks embarrassed.
CHUNK
Yeah, I was a fat kid!
MIKEY
Hey look, I think there's something
inside the frame. Open it!
Data takes off the back of the frame. A card.
MIKEY (CONT'D)
What's it say?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
122.
DATA
"Dear Data and Emma, congratulations
on your wedding. Sorry I'm not there.
Agent booked me to Thanksgiving!
Hope you like the picture. We look
funny".
(laughs)
Oh, here's where he drew a happy
face! "See you in Oakland. Be good,
Sloth".
EMMA
What a sweet gift!
MOUTH
Whatchya' doing in Oakland?
DATA
He bought us tickets to see the
Raiders play.
MIKEY
Cool.
The live band makes it appearance on stage. There is a
drummer, a guitar player, a keyboard player and two vocalists,
one male, one female. (She is a Cyndi Lauper look-alike).
The band starts playing cover versions of traditional wedding
party songs.
BEGIN CLOSING TITLES:
STEF
I love this song, come on let's dance!
- Mouth and Stef on the dance floor. Others follow.
- Brand sits alone.
- Mikey dances with Data's sister.
- Mouth suggestively winks and raises his eyebrows. Data
gives Mouth an evil glare.
- Chunk and Julie dance together.
- Brand dances with Andy.
- Stef and Mouth dance wildly.
- Ron and Patrick show Erik how to make rude straw shapes at
the table.
- Andy drawing on Brand's arm.
- Erik gives beer to Mikey, Mouth and Data on the dance-floor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
123.
- Chunk kisses Julie.
- Data and Emma dance.
- Mouth belches LOUDLY.
- Stef kisses Mouth passionately on the lips.
FADE OUT:
END CLOSING TITLES:
THE END
Written by Andy Petrou