“A Wonderfully Meaningful Story about Bridges and Other Wonderful Things”

Written by J A Parker

Copyright © All Rights Reserved

FADE IN:

EXT. STEPPING STONES - RIVER - DAY

Some wonderfully positioned, perfectly aligned stepping stones sit above the rivers calm, tranquil water.

				MAN (V.O)
		A stepping stone...

This mans voice is full of wisdom. It’s low, old, very slowly paced and crackling every now and then like an old record playing. The man is English.

				MAN (V.O) (CONT’D)
... or, stepping stones. Stones that can be walked upon to cross water when getting your feet wet is not an option.

EXT. WOODEN BRIDGE - DAY

A marvellously crafted wooden bridge allows a man walking his dog to cross over a river.

				MAN (V.O)
A bridge... much like the stepping stone, a bridge allows folk to cross an obstacle such as this river. A bridge is much tougher than the stepping stone thus is used more often... just take a look.

A highly armoured security van drives onto the bridge and crosses the river. It drives off the bridge passing the man and his dog. The vans horn peeps loudly as it passes him and his pet. The man, old and frail, wearing farmer like gear and a farmers cap suddenly grabs his chest and drops to the floor.

				MAN (V.O)
		See?

The van slams on the breaks and a security man gets out running to the old farmers aid. The dog is barking madly.

				MAN (V.O)
The bridge can carry tons of weight on itself without making the slightest of quivers.

EXT. STEPPING STONES - RIVER - DAY

The same wonderfully positioned, perfectly aligned stepping stones sit above the rivers calm, tranquil water as before.

A large armoured war tank suddenly crashes into the river crushing the stepping stones into crumbs.

				MAN (V.O)
		The stepping stones, however, cannot.

The noise blares as the tank crosses the shallow river and drives off into the distance. The entire alignment of stepping stones is squashed.

EXT. LARGE STONE BRIDGE - DAY

It’s poring with rain. Troops wearing World War Two attire have built a defensive point on the bridge. Heavy machine gun placements and a squad of men patrol the area. A small tent near the bridge on land sees four British soldiers walk into it.

				MAN (V.0)
World War Two... the first world war being a huge success, a sequel was obvious and as clear as trying to look at your own reflection in a clean river shaking with a slight breeze: somewhat blurry but undeniably visible.

A soldier runs from the tent to one of the gun battlements.

				MAN (V.O) (CONT’D)
This is a stone bridge. It is the only access point from one side of a French river to the other within many, many miles. It is currently being used as a primary defensive point for the British allies.

INT. TENT - DAY

Three soldiers are in the tent overlooking a large map laid out on a wooden table. The map is of France.

One of these soldiers is a Sergeant and looks to both the Privates as they look to him.

				SERGEANT
The explosives are set and ready to detonate. Private Green (looks to Pvt. Green) you will take charge of the detonator.

		PVT GREEN
Yes sir!

EXT. LARGE STONE BRIDGE - DAY

Pvt. Green runs out from the tent and steps off the bridge onto a street that has been heavily bombed.

				MAN (V.O)
If this bridge is blown into smithereens, the German troops, presently making their march toward this position, will lose their only means of taking the town they’ve just destroyed. They will also lose a massive advantage point and will suffer a great deal of man power on the other side of that river for a great length of time.

Another British troop runs into the tent frantically holding his rifle close.

				MAN (V.O)
This means that the allies will win a very small battle in the war they didn’t ask for but got anyway.

INT. TENT - DAY

The British soldier holding his rifle close looks to the Sergeant. He waits.

				SERGEANT
		Yes!

				PRIVATE
Sir, Krauts are approaching from the east.

		SERGEANT
Get to your posts!

They all run out of the tent.

EXT. LARGE STONE BRIDGE - DAY

All of the troops are readying themselves for an attack. Running around looking for places to hide in cover, the soldiers shout and roar “KROUTS!”

				MAN (V.O)
Kraut... in the English language, Kraut translates to, well, cabbage. The Germans were often regarded as cabbage eaters during the war by the allies. 

All the troops are ready and waiting yet they continue shouting “KROUTS!”

		MAN (V.O)
While Kraut might have it’s own meaning to the British soldiers as they ready to battle, imagine the Germans puzzlement as they approach the ally camp hearing several men shouting cabbage, cabbage, cabbage...

Without knowing who and where they are coming from, the British soldiers open fire toward the other side of the town. It’s only presumed that they are firing on the incoming Germans.

				MAN (V.O)
The battle for the bridge had begun...

EXT. LARGE STONE BRIDGE - LATER

The stone bridge has been destroyed completely. There is no way of getting to the other side. German troops are stood at the wrong side of the bridge looking across at the town.

				MAN (V.O)
But soon, the battle was over and although the Germans overpowered the British soldiers, the bridge was destroyed thus leaving the German soldiers to do, well, nothing... turn back, head another way and hope for the best.

EXT. STEPPING STONES - DAY

A squad of eight German soldiers, heavily armed, walk over the perfectly aligned stepping stones. Ahead, across the shallow river, is a wonderfully crafted wooden and stone house.

The squad of Germans sneak toward it.

				MAN (V.O)
Of course, heading the other way, a small group of German soldiers found those little stepping stones... or the even greater prize of raiding a wonderfully crafted wooden house in the middle of nowhere, France.

One of the German troops stepping on each stepping stone loses his footing, trips and lands in the water with a slight scream.

The others giggle at him as he gets up.

				MAN (V.O)
Fact: Stepping stones are unquestionably trickier to walk on than bridges. Evidence of this can be seen on your television sets as I speak garbled nonsense.

The troops continue to sneak toward the house but find themselves challenged by the tricky stepping stones.

EXT. WOODEN BRIDGE - DAY

A woman walking her dog walks over the bridge. She is wearing similar clothes to the farmer who crossed before.

The woman sees the old farmer and the security man dead. The farmers dog is nowhere in sight. She runs over and checks them before pulling out some keys from the security mans body.

The woman runs over to the back of the highly armoured security van and uses the set of keys to open the large doors.

				MAN (V.O)
The point of this story...? Well, it could be to cure the slightest of boredom... or to at least educate some that Kraut actually means cabbage in German... or it could be that, bridges and things alike are there for one reason and one reason alone, they allow people or vehicles to cross an obstacle. Sometimes, if the obstacle hasn’t a bridge, you can end up somewhere you really didn’t want to end up or you could find yourself in the midst of fame and riches. 

INT. HIGHLY ARMOURED SECURITY VAN - SAME

The woman enters the van. Her face lights up as she stares at a large stack of gold bars. She’s in pure shock.

				MAN (V.O)
Believe me when I say this, whatever you think, this story was purely told to feed your boredom.

EXT. WOODEN BRIDGE - SAME

The woman is heard screaming with glee inside the security van.

				MAN (V.O)
Two questions on everybody’s minds: why would a highly armoured security van be in the middle of nowhere? The second, why have I just sat and watched this ghastly piece of nonsense film? Both answers being... hmmm, well, err, let’s go for... cabbage.

The woman persistently screams with glee and laughs. Her dog dwells around the two corpses sniffing them before marking his territory on them both.

FADE OUT:

THE END