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Friday, January 15, 2016

Sex and Violins – Short Script Review (Available for Production) - posted by wonkavite

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Sex and Violins

A young woman has difficulty finding love because of her unusual fondness for the violin.

It can be hard to write a love story… It’s been done so many times, in so many ways.* Romeo and Juliet. When Harry Met Sally. Titanic. Pretty Woman. The Notebook. Ghost. The list goes on. How to make such a time worn concept still seem fresh? Well, sometimes to pays to just it simple and sweet – with just a touch of kinkiness.

Jackie – the heroine of Sex and Violins – isn’t faring well in the dating game. When the script opens, she’s just been dumped… via Post-It note stuck to her forehead. You see, she’s got a few strange, um, habits that seem to drive men away. At the office, her best friend Bette tries to set her up with Tom. Jackie’s worried: if Tom finds out her dark secret, it’ll be game over once again. Despite her misgivings, Jackie agrees to go on a date. After all, Tom’s a cutie. Needless to say, the date doesn’t go as planned. But is that a bad or good thing?

Written with a gentle – and slightly twisted – sense of humor, Sex and Violins has tons of memorable lines. (For instance, Jackie telling Bette about getting dumped: He didn’t even tell you to your face? No. He left me a note.). A little gem, S&V offers everything a comedy director could wish for. Empathetic characters, a touch of sex… and a fresh twist to the age-old tale of love.

About the writer: David M Troop resumed writing in 2011 after a twenty-five year hiatus.  Since then, he has written about 50 short scripts, two of which have been produced.   Dave would like to make it three.  He is a regular, award-winning contributor to MoviePoet.com.  Born on the mean streets of Reading, PA, Dave now resides in Schuylkill Haven with his wife Jodi and their two lazy dogs Max and Mattie.

Pages: 8

Budget: Reasonable. Two main characters (and a few supporting ones), coupled with a handful of settings. Nothing exotic; just a bedroom, office, restaurant and a room with a stage…

* Folks, get your minds out of the gutter. We’re talkin’ love stories, not sex scenes! Well… mostly anyway.

READ THE SCRIPT HERE – AND DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT!!

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All screenplays are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. The screenplays may not be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

4 Comments so far

1.

CMHall
June 13th, 2014 at 11:41 am

There’s much that is clever in this effort, in my opinion the opening scene is well written, establishes that Jackie can “take a punch” from life. That gets the reader’s attention.
The conversation in the elevator was successfully uncomfortable all around but failed (for me) to be clear if Jackie saw the ridiculousness of her line “he left a note” so I wasn’t sure if she was meant to be a poor sappy clownish character or bright and somewhat kooky. I think it could work either way but because it’s a short script I think we need to know if Jackie thinks she deserves the post-it exit.
The comic character that is beaten down by life but keeps trying is complex, I think — is she heroic or just stupid — again, to me it makes a difference.
By the end of the script I was still confused as to why the first guy left the post-it. Likely he had some great sex with Jackie… once he knew her weakness for violins, was it really so impossible to adjust to? It’s not like she’s turned on by, say, pollen or the color blue.
I’m sorry to nit pick. But as it is written now, I think this could work in a hit or miss sort of way — but with a little more clarity it could be something quite delightful.

2.

GStarr
September 6th, 2014 at 8:38 am

Really impressive characterization. From the beginning, the fact that Jackie didn’t even realize the Post It note on her forehead until she looked in the mirror, shows she’s a little “off”, or maybe she was still asleep. But I also enjoy the pacing on the script. That’s something I’m trying to learn in my scripts. The dialogue was real, not too wordy and your descriptions were vivid, very easy to see. I think the script is a good short. Nice job!

3.

Vinni
January 15th, 2016 at 3:59 pm

Awkwardly perfect. My guess that was the intention. I picture Jackie as a quirky but cute goofball. The humor is timed well. The naughty scene was a bit uncomfortable, even for guy. I might need a little more from the characters as well like CMHall mentioned but I doubt it would need much while still keeping it a short. Overall, well done.

4.

KP Mackie
January 16th, 2016 at 2:56 pm

Original and off-beat.
Funniest break-up description ever may be that Post-it Note attached to Jackie’s forehead. 🙂

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